He walked slowly across the beach that continued for miles before him, happy to feel the grain of the sand beneath his toes. His cotton shirt blew loosely in the wind as his gaze rose across the peaceful ocean. A smile came to his face.
“I know you’re happy now,” he said quietly, though he knew she heard; she always did.
“Hey, Joey,” JC interrupted him, placing his hand lightly on his back. “Come on. It’s time to go.”
“Okay. I’m ready,” he responded. His smile remained as he followed his friend to the bus that awaited them, his mind floating back to a sea of vivid memories.
Sam and Joey had met in the fourth grade. Living next door to each other, they were obvious candidates to walk to and from school together. At first they didn’t really get along, the way most little boys and girls do. Sam was constantly laughing at Joey’s newest bump, bruise, or set of stitches while Joey tugged on her long dark pigtails. As they grew older, they learned to like each other, and eventually became inseparable. They were closer than blood, a bond that absolutely no one could break, nor would anyone dare try.
That is, not until the Fatones announced the move to Orlando when they were 13. To some extent, Joey was excited about the sun and new people, but deep down he was absolutely terrified of leaving his best friend. He put on the happy front for Sam’s sake, unwilling to admit his feelings. Of course, she did the same. She told Joey that things like this were usually for the best and maybe now he would be able to better pursue his dreams of performing.
The day finally came when they had to say good bye. No tears were shed, just a warm hug shared. They promised each other that this move would not effect them. They would always be best friends. The promise was full of hope. Neither had any doubt that their friendship and love for one another would not deteriorate. Nothing could break their bond, not even thousands of miles.
The letters came often and the response was soon to follow. They wrote each other frantically trying to include each other in their ever-changing lives. They concentrated on remember when’s and I miss you’s. Soon that wasn’t enough. Each of them felt the ties that held them together become buried deeper and deeper.
Joey became increasingly dedicated to his craft- throwing himself into choir and work at Universal Studios. He was concentrating harder than ever on his dream of singing.
Sam too became lost in her first love: painting. She surrounded herself with colors and brushes, canvases and her dreams. Joey used to tell her that when she was older she would be the most famous artist in all of New York. He claimed that people would come from miles and miles just to see her masterpieces. He also promised that no matter what, he would always be her biggest fan, and he would travel the farthest. It comforted Sam, his confidence in her, but she secretly wished he would be her only fan, so she wouldn’t have to share her work with anyone but him.
Joey was surprised to receive a phone call from her out of the blue one Wednesday afternoon. “I’m coming to see you on Friday. Don’t make any plans,” was all she said. He was startled by her sudden trip to visit him, but he was excited too. With the recent turn of events in his life, he had so much to tell her.
When he finally spotted her thick brown hair and olive skin exiting the terminal that evening, his heart did somersaults. There she was, his best friend, his other half.
“Hey there, Supergirl,” he smiled, lightly tugging on the long braids that hung loosely on either side of her head. “How’s my favorite part of Brooklyn?”
“I’m okay, Joey,” she whispered softly in his ear as she hugged him tightly. “Everything will be okay now.”
“I have so much to tell you about. So much has happened to me in the past few weeks.” Joey dragged her through the airport, talking a mile a minute on the way to the car that waited for them in the parking lot.
“... And he was on MMC with JC,” he continued as he put the keys in the ignition. “And Chris really thinks we have a chance. He has a friend who knows this guy, right. Now all we really need is a bass. I’m a baritone which is good for now, I guess, but we really want a true bass.” He paused for a moment, looking over to his overwhelmed friend. “So, uh, what do you think?”
“I think you need to calm yourself down,” Sam smiled. It felt good to laugh. It felt like she hadn’t done it in ages. It was a release of joy and contentment to her, and she had grown accustomed to not having anything to be happy about. Now she was with Joey, however, and she knew he wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Yes, ma’am. Okay, Sam, what do you want to do first?”
“Actually, I’m really tired right now. Let’s just go back to your house.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I'd love to see Mama Fatone.”
He reluctantly took her home where she eventually fell asleep. He sat down and watched her lying peacefully on his bed with a sad feeling growing in his chest. He had never seen her so run down or her spirits so low. The glow of life that had for so long been present in her eyes was dulled. He couldn’t detect it, now matter how hard he was trying.
Once she awoke, Sam suggested going for a walk. He eagerly agreed, wanting to be able to talk to her alone. They made it to the beach as the sun began to set. They caught up some more, sitting in the sand. Things felt right to Joey, having her there with him, and he was happy despite the mounting despair inside.
“This would make an incredible picture,” Sam said as she watched the sky lit with its brilliant colors.
“I’m sure you could paint it better than anyone else. The way you see the world is different from everybody else.”
“When you look at me, what is it that you see?” Sam asked as she kept her gaze on the landscape in front of them.
“Huh?”
“When you look at me, what do you see exactly?”
He thought for a moment trying to decide his answer. “Well, I see my best friend, a brilliant artist, one of the few people in the world who actually understands me...” He paused considering the thought that had just entered his head. “...And the girl I will probably marry one day.”
Silence fell between the two of them. They sat side by side, watching the waves crash against the shore and the last rays of light sink below the horizon.
Joey finally gathered enough courage to look at her and saw a tear rolling silently down her cheek. “I mean it,” he said hesitantly. “I really do love you.”
“Like a sister?” she said, trying to force a laugh.
“No. You‘ve always meant much more to me.” He gave in then and leaned over shyly to kiss her. She let him and then kissed back.
To Joey, his world was finally coming together. His future as a singer looked promising, he was out of high school, and now he had his girl. Things couldn’t be more perfect in his mind.
As much happiness it brought to him, it did the same for Sam, but for her life wasn’t so blissfully perfect. There was an underlying feeling of sadness in her heart. Her and Joey were finally reconnected, but she was about to lose him.
When she pulled away from him, there was an overwhelming look of hopelessness on her face.
“What is it?”
“I have to tell you something.”
“What?” he asked as he took her hands in his, his body laced with concern.
“I know I really didn’t explain to you why I came down here so suddenly...”
“That’s okay. Just tell me what’s wrong.”
“Joey, I’m sick.”
“So you have like a cold or the flu or something?”
“No.”
“How sick are you?” he managed to say through the fear that was in the pit of his stomach. He already knew the answer.
“They said they caught it early, and they have a lot of treatments to attack the cancer. I guess the outlook is bright, but there’s always a chance that...”
“Don’t say it, Sam. Please.”
The stars shone down on them as they sat there, not knowing what to say. This had all come as a complete shock to Joey. Sam was the healthiest person he knew. In all of his memories he couldn’t remember her having a cold or even missing a single day of school for being sick. How is it then that she could have cancer? And now that he had her, would God really take her away?
He pushed all of his anger away and squeezed her hand gently. “I’ll be there for you every step of the way.”
“I know.”
“I love you, Sam.”
“Thank you.”
-
After dropping Sam off at his house, Joey jumped into his car and drove quickly across town. He stopped at the familiar house and ran to the door, yelling for it to be opened.
“Joey!” a short woman exclaimed as she opened the door.
“Are they here?”
“They’re all in Justin’s room playing video games.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Harless.” He raced up to the boy’s room and swung the door open. Three shocked faces froze and stared at him.
“Hey man, I thought Sam was coming in toda...”
“This isn’t fair. This is so so unfair. She doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t fucking deserve this! She’s too young. She’s always been so full of life, and she had never done anything to hurt anyone. She is too innocent, and this isn’t fair.”
“Joey?” Justin said, rising to his feet, watching his friend frantically pace around the small space. “What are you talking about?”
“I-I don’t want to lose her.”
“Take a deep breath and tell us what happened. Calm down.”
“She doesn’t deserve this. Why her? Why now? Everything has been going so perfect, and my life was finally coming together. I can’t lose her. She can’t leave me.” The pressure of the emotions that were rushing through his body became too much for him to handle, and he collapsed to the floor in a fit of tears. “She just can’t leave me.”
His friends looked at him through concerned eyes and were honestly scared for Joey for the first time. He had broken down in front of them. He sat there curled into himself on the floor of Justin’s house, sobbing silently, for a reason unknown to these three guys.
“Joey?” JC stepped forward, suddenly aware of the cause for his pain. “What’s wrong with Sam? Is she hurt? Is she leaving? Is...”
“She’s dying.”
Joey looked up suddenly and for the first time he saw the worried expressions on their faces. It tore at him that he was acting like this. He needed to be strong. He needed to think positively about this not only for his own sanity but for her. He couldn’t let people see him like this. He couldn’t let her see him like this.
He wiped the tears away from his face before rising to his feet. “Everything is going to be fine.”
From that night on Joey never allowed himself to shed a tear or to let his weakness show. He put on the happy front for all to see and if you were to ask anyone about him the words they would use to describe him were happy go lucky. He was Sam’s rock to lean on.
-
“Okay, sweetie,” he laughed. “I’m glad to hear that you’re doing so well.”
“This new medication is working good. The doctors were trying to explain to me how it works, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen. It was so boring. I felt like I was in Professor Reese's lecture.”
“You have to pay attention though, Sam. It’s important to know exactly what your body is going through. If you know what the shots are doing then you can visualize it fighting the cancer cells, and then you’ll be able to...”
Sam stared into the mirror as Joey droned on and on. Her reflection was not something she liked to look at anymore. Her body was skin and bone, despite how much she tried to eat. It would eventually come up again. Her skin was unusually pale for all the sun she got, and it only highlighted the dark circles under her eyes from her constant fatigue. She had small bruises freckling her skin, none of which she knew the causes.
She reached up to touch her reflection, her fingers brushing against the unfamiliar face. In the year and a half since she had found out about her leukemia her life had changed incredibly. She was in and out of hospitals, willing to try any new treatment they had to offer with a hope of curing her illness. Her family had moved down to Orlando per her request when she found an incredible facility that had up to date technology and techniques specializing in the different cancers. She had also hoped that she would be able to spend more time with Joey. It didn’t happen that way however.
After the boys had found their bass voice in Lance Bass and began playing anywhere and everywhere they could, they finally hit it big... in Europe. They had become huge across seas, meaning that Joey was away from her for months at a time. The five guys were so busy that their nightly phone calls had became every other day and then finally weekly.
“You know how important it all is, right?”
“Of course, Joey. You give me this speech every time I start a new med. I could probably give it back to you. ‘If you just close your eyes and imagine the bubbles of medicine attacking the cells. It’s like a battle field in there, Sam, and all you gotta do is use your brain to help fight it. Imagine they’re little Superman’s flying to the rescue.’ I really do wish that you didn’t read those self help books, Joe. Then maybe you wouldn’t have adopted the whole ‘If you see it, you can achieve it’ motto to me.”
“I wish you would take this more seriously.”
“You don’t think I take the fact that I’m dying, seriously? Screw you.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know that. And you’re not dying, so don’t think that way.”
“I know, I know. When are you coming home?”
“Soon, I promise.” He paused for a moment then sighed. “God, I miss you, Sam. I don’t like being away like this. I need to see for myself that you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” she mumbled.
“I’m glad to hear that. I have to get going. The show starts in about twenty minutes or so. We’re expecting a few thousand people tonight.”
“That’s awesome. You guys must be pumped.”
“Yeah. I’ll call you soon, okay?”
“Get going. Bye, Joey.”
“I love ya, Supergirl.”
“I love you too, brat.”
“Bye.”
She hung up the phone and sighed as her gaze fell on the sickly girl staring back at her. She wasn’t lying to him, she was feeling better today, she was doing good... compared to yesterday or last week. The new medicine she was on was giving her more energy, but that was about it. It didn’t offer her some miracle or even a silver lining. Her time was running short.
-
“Home!” Justin smiled, dropping to his knees outside of the airport. “Oh, America, I’ve missed you so much.”
“Please,” Lance laughed. “We had to pull you away from all those girls screaming for you. You would stay there forever.”
“Okay, I’ll admit that I was diggin’ the attention, but I’ve got my girl here at home. Veronica, here I come.”
Joey shook his head at the young boy as Mrs. Harless came over to him and told him in a motherly voice that every boy was overly familiar with, to get off the ground. Justin was right, in his young wisdom, with all the girls throwing themselves at the boys overseas, only the one waiting at home mattered.
He could not wait to see Sam. Talking on the phone was never enough for him. He had to see her with his own two eyes. From the way she sounded, Joey could only assume she was making progress. She always sounded so healthy, so alive. He was praying for the day that he could hear the doctors say that she was in remission, that the cancer was gone, that she was cured. He knew that it was coming. She was doing so well. He knew that once he saw her running to him, so full of life, so happy, glowing, that his world would be once again perfect.
Joey’s heart swelled moments later when the familiar blue van pulled around to the large group. His mother climbed out, quickly making her way over to him.
“Look at you!” she exclaimed, wrapping him in her arms. “You look wonderful!”
Joey kept his eyes on the car, waiting patiently for the door to swing open and for her to come out. Minutes of his mother’s merry chatter passed with nothing happening, leaving Joey utterly confused.
“Mom?” he asked slowly.
“Yes, Joey?”
“Where’s Sam? I thought that she was supposed to come with you.”
His mother’s face fell as she looked sadly at him. “Supposed to come with me? Honey, she couldn’t come. She’s home in bed, much too weak to come to the airport.”
“Is she having a bad day or something?”
“Day?”
“Yeah. I talked to her at the beginning of the week on Tuesday, and she said she was doing good. She said she was planning on meeting us here when we came home.”
“Joe, she’s been...” her voice trailed off, realizing how little her son knew. “How about I drop you off at Sam’s, and I’ll take your stuff home.”
“That’s okay, Mom. I’ll just see her tomorrow or something like that. She’ll probably be feeling better then.”
“Go see her tonight. I think that would definitely help her feel a little better.”
“I can’t wait to see that smiling face. I’ve missed it so much...” Joey began babbling on and on about everything he wanted to do with Sam now that he was home. With her increasing health, the plans were endless in his mind.
Mrs. Fatone looked away from her son slowly, wiping a fallen tear away from her eyes. Her heart broke into a million pieces as she listened to Joey. He had no clue how bad things had gotten with him away. She wanted to tell him; it hurt her not to, seeing her son living in his oblivious state. It was something he needed to see for himself.
-
Joey quickly ran up to Sam’s bedroom, taking the stairs leading to the second floor two at a time. He paused once he reached her door, attempting to catch his breath. It had been four months since he had last seen her.
He reached out carefully, turning the knob until the door opened slightly.
“Supergir...” His voice trailed off as he stepped into the room, his eyes darting around at various medical machines hooked up, blinking and humming. Then they finally fell upon her, the frail shadow sitting in the window, staring out at the sinking sun, wrapped in a thick quilt. Thin, pale, sickly, that was this creature, not the same as his Supergirl.
“Sam?”
She turned to look at him, a weak smile coming to her face. “You’re home.”
“Yeah, I am, but...” He paused again, attempting to get his thoughts in some sort of order. “Sam, I’m confused. What’s all this? I thought you said you were doing better.”
“I-I didn’t want you to worry about me while you were on the road. I didn’t want to ruin your fun, take away any attention from your music.”
“How could you lie to...”
“Joey, please don’t.”
“But...”
“I said don’t. Just come sit her with me, please. I just want to enjoy your company. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, and I’ve missed you so much.”
He nodded, sitting down next to her while she returned her gaze to the window. His body swelled with the want to take care of her. He wanted to fix what was wrong, wanted to make everything right.
Reaching out, he lightly touched her pale cheek, tracing the dark circles under her eyes with light fingers. He let his hand fall down slowly, taking hers into the warmth of his. “You’re beautiful.”
She turned her attention back to him, her expression not changing, except for the small tear the slid down. “You don’t need to say that.”
“You’re right. I don’t. That doesn’t change the fact that I want to. You’re still the most beautiful thing in the world, Sam. You always will be.”
He squeezed her hand as lightly as possible before she turned to the window again. There they sat until morning, without saying a word.
-
“Sam, you need your rest now. We’ll let you get back to sleep.”
“Thank you,” the quiet voice came from the hospital bed below them.
Justin and Chris smiled slightly, or at least attempted to. Chris reached out and rubbed the short hair that was beginning to grow back on her head.
“We’ll see you later, Peach Fuzz,” he whispered, but she was already fast asleep. It had been three months since they had gotten home from Europe, three very long months.
Sam’s health had gotten progressively worse. She was now hospitalized and taking treatments that were considered the last hope, ones that proved to do nothing but make her lose her hair. Everybody knew the grim truth that it was only a matter of time. Why she was holding on, they didn’t know.
The two friends sighed before making their way out into the hallway, on their way to the cafeteria where a waiting Joey was present.
“She’s sleeping now.”
“Did you guys tell her?” he asked, tired voice barely audible.
“Nah, man. We thought we’d let you.”
“Thanks.” He sighed loudly as he ran his fingers through his messy hair. “I’m gonna go up there and keep her company.”
“Joe, let her be.”
“Why don’t you go home and get some sleep. You look like hell.”
“No, I don’t want to leave her.”
“Fine,” Chris said, patting the younger man on the back. “Lance and Josh should be here in about an hour and a half. We’ll see you at practice tonight, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I don’t think Lou will let me miss any more.”
“Great. Take care, man.”
“Bye, guys.”
“Don’t forget to tell her!” Justin yelled. “It will brighten her day.”
Joey stood up from the uncomfortable chair and threw his Styrofoam cup that once held coffee into the trash. He tied his sweatshirt around his waist and walked over to the elevator. A few minutes later he turned into the familiar room and sank into a chair that was pulled next to the bed. He looked at the small figure lying in the dim light and sighed.
Pulling the chair closer, he slid his hand into hers carefully. He was afraid to touch her these days. The lightest contact hurt so much, even with all the pain medication. His fingers slid over a fresh bruise on her ring finger, and he gulped.
“Oh, Sam,” he sighed. “I hate seeing you like this. This just isn’t how it was supposed to happen, you know. When I came home I just expected things get so much better. You were supposed to fight this. Win this battle. We should be out on the town right now. We should be celebrating.”
“Joey?”
“Did I wake you?” he asked.
“No. Just keep talking, please. I want to hear your voice.”
“Okay. I don’t really know how I’m going to carry on without you. I never imagined that once I found that person that I’m meant to be with, that I would lose them so quickly. And I know that you’re the one. I can feel it. You’re the one that shines light to every shadow of my soul, every part of me that I don’t know about.
“So I told you that we should be celebrating, right. Well, guess what. MTV is playing ‘I Want You Back.’ It’s amazing. We were watching today and when those first few notes began... God, I was so excited. It’s one thing to be recognized overseas, but to be known in your home. We’re scheduled to go on the Ricki Lake show, too. It’s awesome publicity. I don’t really know how much longer you’ll be with us. I’ve been praying for a miracle, but I don’t know if I’ll get one. I wish that you could see this through the end. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we got a gold album, maybe even a platinum. That’s unfathomable.”
“I’m so proud of you, Joey,” Sam said in a slow and quiet voice, taking in a deep breath. “I always knew that you would make it. I just prayed that I would be here for that day. And now your dreams have come true. You were made for this.”
“Now you can pray to see the day we win a Grammy,” he said, his voice choking up with emotion.
“No. God has already given me what I wanted.”
“That doesn’t mean that...”
“I love you so much.”
“Sam, don’t. Please don’t leave me. I’m not ready yet.”
“You have done so much for me...”
“No. You can’t leave me.”
“I’m never going to leave you.”
Her lids slid down over her tired brown eyes as her hand relaxed around his. A silence fell into the room, a deafening silence that rang through his ears. It surrounded him, seeping inside, breaking his heart into unfixable pieces.
“Sam,” he sobbed, dropping to his knees as pain and emptiness filled him. “Please, Sam. Wake up. Don’t leave me, please.”
He sank into ball, curled into himself on the floor as the tears flooded his eyes, falling over the brim into his hands. “You can’t take her away from me yet,” he whispered hoarsely. “She’s my life.”