As you may have noticed, my site has no mascot. (Kuma san, the
bear, is my partner in web design, and refuses to be labled as a mere
animal, present for the sole purpose of your own entertainment)
Therefore, my site, being as awesome and sexy as it is, has received
numerous resumes from unemployed mascots world wide. Unfortunatly,
'because quality is my recipe', I have denied the employment
requests of all mascots so far. However, for your entertainmet, here
are the profiles of our top candidates, and the reason they were not
selected to be Anime Speed Bump's official mascot.....
This Gang of
Totoros
What's wrong with totoro? Honestly, I thought I had found
my site's official mascot when I came across these furry little
things at the Anime Adoption Agency. That is until I found out
they have a criminal background record! These Totoro have been
charged and convicted multiple times of crimes such as armed robbery,
and enjoying episodes of Sailor Moon (federal offense in my state
of residence). I'm suprised they aren't locked up for life!
With the concern of public safety in mind, I think adoption agencies
should really be more careful about the pets the give away,
shheeesh.....
Ukyo the Anime
Cook
Now what could be wrong with this one? A fair question.
Actually, this could be the perfect mascot for any other website.
But for mine, she would be inappropriate. This is the anime speed
bump, home of the obscure, the comical this mascot is way too
normal. To work for anime speed bump, candidates must look like
they've been beat repeadedly over ther head with a hammer. (why else
would they be up for adoption anyway?) Besides, she's a horrible
cook, I can never get her to do any work. Standards today are so
low, shheeesh.....
The Samurai Twins
Hmmm..., where shall I start. This pair of jokers could have become
our official mascots (*mwoof hah gag*). The thing is, they
came in that horrifying box (I seriously had to tone it down by about
150px just to make it fit on my page). Who has a mascot who can't
even walk around? No wonder why they're so fat!, they never get any
excercise! I only accept mascots that are in top physical
condition. No exceptions. Shheeeesh.....
If you or anyone you know has or is willing to create
or knows the where abouts of a top-notch mascot, please send
them my way. The requirements may be strict, but the benifits are
great. You can reach me by e-mail , of by filling
out my comments form. Your contibutions
are greatly appreciated.
