they can no longer hurt me with lies, but only with honesty

lies can only create in front of me a dreamlike illusion, who still mourns the lost in a dream, awakening is the death of a dream, withdraw of that reality, the reality once so perpetual 

but honesty

it comes to me as a part of my realty, no awakening to another one, no escape, it attaches to me where i'm most weak 

my trust

there is truly no reason to waste time, scar oneself by the lies of others, regret misjudgment, after all, we only live in one reality, the reality created by each of our individual selves, what we feel like needing is what comes to our reality, we are only able to manipulate everything surrounding us to fit our needs.. no misjudgment, only imagination, why regret you imagination, it was your need after all, awakening is realizing it, realizing it is its death, why pain

so what is this honesty i speak of, that touches me in my permanent reality, it's just like every other element in my imagination of course.. but i would only die without realizing it, how many dreams i have can out live me?

stars, wind, top of toronto, him lying on my lap while i gaze at the stars, i wish i died that moment, but it died before me, leaving me with that picture in my head, which would lead me to my next dream, and what he called me

ice queen

there was no pain, just pictures, film stills, and ice queen

pieces of a past reality

    why would i keep dreaming? i would reject all emotions

but i was at least left with all the paintings, i am the artist of my life, time is the canvas on which i record my virtual reality, memories is my dynamic gallery

i plan my next few pieces.. 

down queen street, a walk at christmas with him, snow, lights, noise, he deserves to be the subject in a painting too, in my life, to come in my life in a time like now

"it's a done deal"

maybe if that doesn't happen, i can just imagine it did, what difference would that make when i'm old and when i die? i've already painted that picture in my head

maybe i can paint one in his too

maybe it's just my imagination that i can, cause i need it to be done, and don't forget, he is imaginary too

see, when everything dies, the only sad thing is just beauty itself

  i do mourn over fleeting beauty

so, the moment i die defines the only permanent reality in my life, what do i want this reality be? death happens in a single moment, how much can go through my mind? maybe just one single event, maybe just one single state of existence, and everything else cancelled, it would be the state of existence i am most acquainted with

is this a summary, highlight, or abbreviation?

sitting on the couch, resting my chin on my knees, watching the night fall, contrasting the darkness that erases me with the lights sequentially appears outside my window, drunk in the sound of soft piano and my song:

to avoid tragedies to repeat, in my life, my life  

the more beautiful it is the more i should not make mine

 but history repeats, in this desolate city 

no reason to love, no undercurrent is need

after all, what do i achieve by cherishing you 

 would emptiness by holding you tight again not prove