"i think most artists create out of despair. the very nature of creation is not a performing glory on the outside, it's a painful, difficult search within." (louise levelson)

well said

although i am reluctant of calling myself an artist. i don't lack the despair, nor the struggle to search the inner self, i only lack the ability to make art of all that, i lack the skill to formulate my thoughts onto a piece of canvas and call it a recreation of my thoughts, neither can i capture them in literary ways, although it does seem to be my new obsession to try    

art has created before us, a virtual reality, one that is anything but natural. and after art, television, music, movies, internet, what is so wrong with our living reality that we have to escape..in other words, what is so important about a virtual reality? soap operas? counter strike? children today can be so detached from the real world, and lost in these virtual realties. 

and so am i

so detached from the real world, i start questioning the existence of a reality, to the point that i stand in the subway every morning and feel like i am in fact in a virtual world   

and these are the the type of things i cannot make myself "unbelieve", if i was born 1000 years ago, maybe i wouldn't have reached this stage of ... thinking?

after i watch the matrix, and when i stood above the intersection of yonge and eglinton, and looked down, i believed in this being a virtual world, why are those people so busy, i asked.

biology, and yes, med-school, is not a joke, it is what i want to pursue in life, because if life is just a game like sims city, then anything is possible, absolutely anything, why not go for the most impossible and strange? 

africa, no electricity? why do i need television or internet, if life is already the most surreal?  

maybe my alternative to a cross boarder doctor is to be a terrorist, because life is only a game we log onto right?! well, there are rules to my game, biology, individual traits that benefit the survival of a population as a whole is kept, group selection, maybe my trait is a behavioral one, subconsciously, we all want peace, another by-product of evolution, and altruism 

and of course money should be given away, it is just shows accumulative achievements of your past, why indulge in the past? why find security in the past, not in your present hands 

i make the rules to my game

(american's are not going to like me, because i do sound like a potential terrorist)