i broke my ring this morning..sleeping

it just broke and the broken ends dug into my skin and woke me up.. i took them off, and fell back asleep...

i knew all this after i fully woke up and stared at the ceiling

the thing is.. i am never fully asleep in the mornings...i am half way between dreaming and being awake.. but i can never stay in the same distance in between

i doze off into a dream..and i fall towards reality,  to a point that i can begin analyzing what i have just dreamed of, and i can actually plan my next move in my dream..not just my next move...everyone's next move.. after that i'm able to make myself go back to the same dream and continue as planned, back and forth..back and forth ...and finally i emerge into this "reality" and i can always always carry with me the emotions i leave my dream with...

awakening...from a consciously planned dream

i dream of the same things every morning since this has all started.. but its never a dream with a definite plot...it's more like a collage...picasso.. yet it's a collage of the same thing every morning... the same emotions

i remember what i wrote about a single state of existence that would define my life..maybe this is it, at least for this portion of my life... when else can subconscious mind stay so intact with my conscious mind?

and also what i wrote about reality, we decide to make things real according to our needs

the more i think about this the more i am loosing the world...it's not something that runs through my mind at midnight when the city is quiet.. it's with me every other moment of my day too

people talk to me.. i hear...i think about that they have said..i think about replying, or not replying... or how to reply...but this is all in my mind...and in the mean while...the person is being "ignored"... i'have lost the ability to react to surroundings as an instinct...

and this whole reality conjecture, is not really a conjecture, it's governing the way i behave

and this cannot be sanity

he and i walked to subway together..

 it's the same way i walk every day..same road same houses on either side..yet i felt like i've never walked that road until that day...

walking alone..i need not to pay attention to the road...alway lost in my own mind, dream walking.. until the moment i have to get out my metropass.. i can only remember the moments when i leave the buildings and the moment i get out my metropass

until that day i started to make the connections..started to have a conscious picture of the road in between..

not him.. i have always had conscious pictures of him...

just pictures though

i am going insane