Since moving in with my humans I have developed a systematic approach to bedtime. Over the course of several weeks I have fine tuned my nighttime ritual to include the following steps:

* I always wait until the humans are fully tucked into bed and comfortable, then enthusiastically jump onto the center of the bed making as big of a "PLOMP" as possible.

* At the foot of the bed are four bumps in the blanket where the human's feet are. Without delay I begin attacking one of the bumps by pouncing on it and biting through the blanket (important) until a sharp scream is heard.

* If one of the bumps kicks and flings me off the bed, I immediately jump back up and begin a second round of attack, usually to a different bump - I love variety.

* Once satisfied that I have maimed at least one bump, I quickly leap off the bed and frantically run around the floor of the bedroom. I will usually scamper through the door and run around the dining room a few times. On my return to the bedroom I will pounce on Hook and make her hiss and paw at me - efficiency is key here.

* Back into the bedroom I find at least one item to play with, possibly a lamp cord or window blind string, while making an incredible amount of noise during the ensuing frenzy.

* Then it's back up onto the bed. This time, I usually pounce on one of the human's heads, then dart to the other side of the bed, then another side, then back again. I jump on a stomach, bite an ear, paw a blanket corner...you get the picture.

* Now I go subterranean. I wiggle my way under the sheets and begin exploring; first on one human's side of the bed, then the other. Under there it's dark, warm and…what's that? [Eyes now wide open and tail puffed] Hook just jumped on the bed...ATTACK!