BEER COMMERCIAL
"We are not here today to discuss one specific beer, we are here to advertise them all. We have deep investments in each, and quite frankly appreciate al of your support"
[man in lab coat takes sip]
"Mmm. Now I heard there was talk out on the streets that alcohol is a 'drug' and is 'bad for you' and quite frankly we disagree. We not only like profits, but we also like the buyers to be happy. So forget about all the proven facts that it will lead to cirrhosis with mass consumption. Your liver was made to break down poison. Who is your liver to tell you what should go in your system or not? That's why you have to show it who is the boss and fill it with more toxins than it can handle. Too cowardly to deal with the pressures of life? Let outside chemicals do the temporary job, instead of actually having to fix them yourself. When one of your football buddies gets breast cancer because of an over intoxicated liver, give him a drink so he can muffle his mind, muffling his worries. And then there are you wonderful kids just out there for a good time. We don't care that you are obviously too boring and basic of people that you need exterior influences to entertain yourselves! We love you when you become one of us. Feeling too smart? Like people won't accept you because you think freely? Drink up! Maybe you'll even be lucky enough to contract an S.T.D. From an S.T.U.D. The wonderful thing is that you will obtain all of these problems, then just be able to ignore them using the technique from which you first obtained them all. Feel invincible when you drunkenly crash into another car, leaving you fine and them a new shade of scarlet that crayola will have to look over. Well if they are going to be sober and in your careless way, maybe they deserve to be dead. If their friends were drinking maybe they wouldn't have to weep as they watch their long time friend being lowered into dirt. They should be out partying shortening their lifespan so they can join their decomposing buddy as soon as possible. Basically we want you all to be stupid. Society has no place for individuals and we want your rebellion to fit nicely into ours. Drinking makes you dumb, but ignorance is bliss. Don't you want to be happy?
Brought to you by the United States Government, PTA, MADD, and every other hypocritical organization that is trying to save face rather than letting kids discover for themselves that any chemical state of mind can be brought on by ones own will.
