It will be almost two years since I quit my job. Nothing to stop me from sleeping in until noon. I settle in my nice warm bed after Bob leaves in the morning knowing I could stay there all day if I wanted to.

If Bob didn't take Danni out in the morning, I would have a little black dog staring me in the face until I got up and took her out. That is how my days start out and the rest of a normal day is just about as exciting as walking the dog.

John, (my brother) said I should get a hobby. I told him I had one, e-mailing everyone I have ever known that has a computer. Well, it gives me something to do.

Then my world changed, Barbara decided to make a web page. When her page was finished she did not want to be alone in her madness. Soon she had Kellie and Polly started building web pages also.

That was nice, I enjoyed reading what they had written. Seeing how they used graphics on their pages.

Then the pressure to join them began. "Build your own page Mom" they said, "you will love it." I resisted the pressure for a few months. Then I did took leave of my senses. I began to build my own web site.

One learns very quickly, building a web page is not a good thing, it takes control of your life. Those that have fallen into the depths of "building" do not share with you the madness it brings.

It was the end of October, when I joined the world of "Searching for Graphics." Four years ago when I first got on the net I loved to look at the graphic pages. I thought these are neat, but why do I want them? It seemed I never actually used them for any useful purpose.

When I entered into the world of building a web site, I understood the need for graphics offered on the net. They are actually there to aid you in your madness. With the decision to build a web site comes the search for the right graphic sites. After you find the "right" site then comes the task of finding the right graphic. And for some reason it seems you can never collect enough or stop the search.

Oh the joy of the search. Sometimes you are lucky and actually find the right graphic. Most of the time you are so tired of searching, your headaches, the eyes are red and hurt, your hand is paralyzed around the mouse. So you just settle. Settle on anything, even if it does not fit into your theme or go with the words you have written.

Now I know why a web site is not changed to often. Believe me it is not due to the fact that the author is so in love with their work. They are just worn out and need to take a sanity break before they begin the cycle again.

This is why people are in the business of designing web pages. They build web pages for those sane enough to not try it on their own. Those that are not fond of getting up at the break of dawn, after spending half the night on the computer looking for graphics.

When the web site they have been laboring over is completed the battle is over. Now it is time sit in the easy chair and rest.

Wrong. Once you enter the "Web Page World" there is no rest. There are always new challenges, never ending updates. And of course, there are the new ideas that awaken you in the middle of the night. Forcing you to leave your warm bed in the middle of a snow storm. To sit at the computer, and begin a NEW PAGE.

The madness goes on until you run out of free server space. But when you are addicted you find ways to keep your pages going. Even to continue after we have past this mortal life.

Then there is the agony when you finally complete the perfect page. With the perfect graphics, only to find you cannot leave it that way for long. You must change it.

You know the saying "If you build it they will come"? Well you learn pretty quick they will not keep coming back if it does not change. So if you build a page you love and you do not change it, you will love it alone.

Life is like a web page, we must always be making changes. We must make changes to continue along the road of life and to be happy while we are traveling that road.

Some go on their way, always searching for the right graphics to set along the road side, that they may enjoy their journey more fully. Soon they find they need to change the graphics more often. They are filled with the desire to add new ones and before long they just need more. To soon they find having more does not bring happiness it only clutters up the road way.

Some of us find the right combinations early, while others of us struggle, on for years, always searching for just the right "graphics." Some never accomplish the search, get tired and decide to quit.

Others spend their whole life never getting the picture just right. Always thinking they must be searching for the "right graphics." Seeing only the road and what was placed to the side of it. Never able to see the whole picture and the beauty they were creating.

When the show Mr. Holland's Opus came out. We went to see it and I cried, for I had not "written" an opus, nor had I even tried. I had not left my "mark" upon the world. When I leave this world, I thought, it would be the same as if I had never been. And I cried.

Before the show ended I had been given the "gift" to see what my opus was. I had written a symphony, mine was a different kind of symphony. My opus was MY CHILDREN. And it is being played each day in the lives of my children. My opus will go on in the lives of my grandchildren and their children after them.

God blessed me with the knowledge we each complete our opus in a different way. Each of us contributing a part of ourselves. An instrument in the finally production.

God gave me a "gift" with the knowledge I did leave my mark in this world and it is good. He gave me peace and inner happiness.

It may not be possible for all of us to be famous in this life but it is possible for
all of us to find true happiness.