When I first became aware of the fact my self-injuring is a problem, and not just a one-two-three time thing, I didn't know that this was an existing problem. I was sure I was the only one in the world doing this. I imagined it was a side effect of my eating disorder (If I eat, then I purge, and then I punish myself by harming).
When I found out about this condition called "self-mutilation", I felt like such a freak: not only do I have these food issues, but I also have this "condition?" am I that screwed up? what's wrong with me? I am totaly alone...
-Well, no I wasn't! and niether are you, if you are suffering from both addictions. I was amazed to find out how many EDs are also SI. It is not part of the same illness, and many people have only SI or only ED, but there is definitely a common ground to these two illnesses:
the need to maintain control
-Many eating disordered people acknowledge the fact control is a big issue for them, and a big part of their disorder is their deep need to control their food intake and their weight. SI is also connected to control: controlling emotional pain by controlling the physical pain.
abuse
-Before I get into this, I would like to say that not all SI and ED were abused. -However, it is a fact that these illnesses do not appear from nowhere. They are triggered by something, and sometimes, that trigger is emotional, sexual or physical abuse.
high expectations
-It may be parents who have high expectations of their children, or it may be the child him/her-self who has these high expectations. In any case, both ED and SI are (again, not always. This is a generalization) feeling, or felt as children, pressure to excel. This perfectionism is very destructive: no one is perfect. And when that child tries to be perfect, and never succeeds, he/she feels resentment towards him/her-self. These little insignificant failures combined, cause the child, in the long run, to feel worthless.
misplaced anger
-The perfectionism can make a person extremely angry at him/her-self. Combined with the fact that many ED and SI repress their emotions, there is a lot of anger inside their souls. That anger eventually comes out- directed at themselves. That happens in the shape of anorexia, bulimia, self injury, or all combined.
