"what's the point of taking you out to eat, if you're just gonna throw it all up?"
-Don't take purging as an absolute fact: may be the person you are close to isn't going to through up when you take him/her out.
And as an answer to this question- you should take him/her out, to show your support. To show that you are there for your loved one through this rough time. And to show you believe in him/her: If you won't take them out to eat because of their ED, you'll make them feel like you don't think there's hope for them.
"you lost weight! what diet are you on?"
-OK, so if you DON'T know about a person's ED, you may say this one by mistake, but if you do know that a person has an ED, please don't say this, simply because you have nothing else to say... If you are saying this as a way of showing your concern, I think that you should go for the direct approach:"You lost a lot of weight. I'm worried about you- is something wrong?"
"how can you eat SO MUCH and stay so thin?"
-Again, don't ask a question you already know the answer too. You have something you want to say? -say it! they might not like to hear it, but they will probably appreciate it more than cynical remarks.
"now that you're fat, you look much better than when you were that thin!"
-Well, gee, thanks!
"come on, eat! you can throw up later!"
-If a person is bulimic, he/she probably already has these thoughts running through his/her mind, and the last thing you need to do is promote these thoughts. If it's that person's mental and physical health you're after, you should be "happier" when that person doesn't eat, than when that person eats and "purges": purging is extremely harmful to the throat, stomach and heart, as well as the nutritional problems. Also, control is a big issue to people with ED, and they feel more in control when they don't eat, then when they eat to much, and then "get rid of it".
"you have an eating disorder??? you're not that thin!"
-We've been through this: not all people with eating disorders are too skinny. Also, you must understand how hard it is for your loved one to come out and confess his/her secret. When he/she does, you should show your unconditional love, and not doubt the words. "you know, guys don't like women who are as thin as you."
-I know you mean well, and this is another attempt to make your friend get some help, but this isn't going to help. A person with eating disorders has enough negative voices in his/her head. Voices that say he/she is not worth anything and no one will ever love him/her. Adding to these voices definitely won't do any good. My advice: concentrate on the positive (inwards- not appearance). Tell your loved one that he/she is a great person, tell them all the great things you think about them, count their talents and good qualities, and tell them that a person that wonderful (and I'm sure they are) deserves to be healthy and happy.
Besides- never say such a thing to anyone's face (just a piece of personal advice...)
