If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on
beer cans.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming
for
their finals.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons
and
forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put
their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them
while they delivered the mail?
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of
portraits by Picasso.
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Clones are people two.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is
he
still wrong?
No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Think "honk" if you're telepathic.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door
went
nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that
considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland
called, "Holes?
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get
a Phillip's Screwdriver?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two
cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin
with.
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who
drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, doesn't terrific mean to make
terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the
universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you
will have to touch it to be sure?
Linx
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