* When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER
check to see if it's really dead.
* If you find that your house is built upon or near a
cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black
masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed
suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants
who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away
immediately.
* Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
gone out.
* As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to
Hell.
* If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for
a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
* Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're
sure you know what you are doing.
* If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall
down at least twice, more if you are of the female
persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are
running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still
moving fast enough to catch up with you.
* Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knifes in one of
those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.
* When you're searching a house because you think there's
something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody
lights on!
* Never back out of one room into another without looking.
It's always behind you.
* Never, ever, ever turn off the paved road onto a gravel or
dirt road.
* Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery so it
will start immediately in times of crisis.
* Never say that you'll be right back because you won't.
* If anything other than water (blood, thick goo of any
color)comes out of a faucet, do not call a plumber. Leave the
house immediately.
* If, looking in a mirror, you see a figure behind you that
you don't see upon turning around, you see a different room
than the one you are in, you see a figure other than yourself
looking back, or your reflection tells you to get out before
it is too late, proceed to the nearest exit with all speed.
* If you open a door and the room you see is not the room
that should be there, do not explore it. In fact, even if you
close the door and see the correct room after re-opening it,
vacate the house.
* Always check the back seat of your car.
* The first time that you are absolutely sure that the
monster/killer is dead or the hellgate is finally closed
forever, you are in the most danger. Don't relax.
* Objects moving in a mysterious fashion should be considered
a very bad sign.
* If on a stormy night, you find a window open which you
thought was previously closed, do not close it. It may be
your only way out when whatever has come in through it is
chasing you.
* If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and
any exotic person (old wizened oriental, gypsy, indian
medicine man) warns you to do/not do something, do not do
just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.
* Anniversary nights of executions, horrible murders, or
terrifying rituals should be viewed with fear. Especially on
the spot where the event took place. Most especially on even
century anniversaries. And certainly if you or a friend is
somehow descended from one of the original participants.
* If one of your group is missing for a while and, upon
returning, no longer seems as frightened, assuring you that
there is really nothing to be worried about, do not let them
get behind you. They have joined the other team.
* If your friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns
back to normal, kill them because they are not normal!
* After you kill the maniac, don't stand anywhere near the
body and don't drop the gun, knife or other instrument of
death because (1) they are not dead; and (2) you will be
needing the instrument of death again.
* Kill the person in the group who suggests that you split
up. They will eventually get you killed.
* Kill the greedy person in the group. They will eventually
get you killed.
* Never, make fun of the local yocal's stories about deformed
killer babies in backwoods towns--you can bet they are real
and you might get it angry.
* Never be with the group who plays vicious pranks on the shy
strange new kid, those pranksters will soon meet their doom
and often in a horribly gory way.
* If the female or male in your group is too scared to shoot
when the monster is bearing down on you, grab the gun and
shoot the monster yourself or use your weapon to kill both
the monster and your friend, especially if there are more
monsters around. Your friend was dead weight.
* Go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl, she will
be the one to distract everyone when there really is danger.
* Nothing is ever over if it is still nighttime.
* If it seems like you have just woken up from a horrible
nightmare, chances are you are still in grave danger.
* Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They
usually know more than you do.
* Never run to the top floor of any building if you are being
chased by a maniac/monster. Your only way out will be to
jump.
* Never publicly announce your plans for the future if you
make it out alive. It guarantees that you have no future.
* Never under any circumstances run upstairs if you are being
chased.
Linx
Back to the Twisted File Cabinet
Back to the Amusing Oddities Page