note:the name I
give credit for joke is no necessarly
the person who
wrote joke,but the person who submited
it.
In Alaska
tourists are
warned to wear tiny bells on their
clothing when
hiking in bear country.The bells warn
away MOST bears
grizzly,black etc.but be careful because
they don't
scare Kodiak brown bears.Tourists are
cautioned to
watch the ground on the trail paying
particular
attention to bear droppings,to be alert
for the
presence of Kodiak brown bears.One can
easily spot a
Kodiak brown bear droppings.Those are
the droppings
that contain those tiny
bells.sent in by
Mary from Montana
"The best thing for you" the doctor said
"is to cut
out all sweets and fatty foods.Give up
alchohol and
stop smoking.""I see said the
patient."to be honest
with you,I don't deserve the best.What's
the second
best"?
Carole
(Giggles4u)
One night in a local pub,a man stumbled
up to the
only other patron in the pub and asked
if he could
him a drink.
"Why of course" came the reply.
The first man asked,"Where are you
from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replied the second
man.
The first man responded,"You don't
say.I'm from
Ireland too!Lets have another round for
Ireland."
"Of course,"replied the second man.
Curious,the first man then asked."Where
in Ireland
are you from?"
"Dublin,"came the reply.
"I can't believe it" said the first man
"I'm from
Dublin too!"
He continued "Let's have another round
to Dublin."
"Of course," replied the second man.
Curiosity again struck and the first man
asked "what
school did you go to?"
Saint Mary's." replied the the second
man. "I
graduated in '62 too."
"This unbelievable!" the first man
said."I went to
Saint Mary's and graduated in
'62,too."
About that time one of the regulars came
into the pub
and sat down.
"What's going on?" he asked the
bartender.
"nothing much," replied the
bartender.The O'Malley
twins are drunk again!"
sent by Mona W
br>
,
A pastor goes to Africa on a missionary
trip and ends
up lost in the jungle.Soon,a lion spots
him and
starts chasing the pastor.After running
a long time
he has a good lea.Then,he falls on his
knees and
prays,"Lord,please make this lion a
Christian."When
the pastor looks up he sees the lin
praying,"Lord,please bless this meal I
am about to
receive."
Sent in by Kit mzkitte
n@wbtv.net
<
br>
Two rednecks,Bubba and Cletus were
driving down the
road drinking a couple of bottles of
Bud.
Bubba,said,"Lookey thar up
ahead,Cletus.It's a
poll-eece roadblock!We're gonna get
busted fer
drinkin' these here beers!
"Don't worry,Bubba," said Cletus."We'll
just pull
over and finish A-drinkin' these
beers,peel off the
label and stick it on our foreheadds,and
throw the
bottles undern the seat."
"what fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin' okay? said
Cletus.
When they finished their beers,they
threw the empty
bottles under the seat,and each put a
lable onhis
forehead.When they reachdnthe
roadblock,the sheriff
said,"You boys been drinkin'?"
"No,sir,said Cletus."We're on the
patch."
submited by: Carole Sauro
<
br>
A New York Joke
A young woman was so depressed that she
decided to
end her life by throwing herself into
the ocean.She
went down to the docks and was about to
leap into
frigid water when a handsome sailor saw
her tottering
on the ege of the pier crying
He took
pity on her
and said,"Look,you've got a lot to live
for.I'm off
to Europe in the morning,and if you
like,I can stow
you away on my ship.I'll take good care
of you and
bring you food every day."Moving closer
he slipped
his arm round her shoulder and
added."I'll keep you
happy,and you'll keep me happy."The girl
nodded
yes.After all what did she have to
lose?
That night,the sailor brought her aboard
and hid her
in a lifeboat.From then on every night
he brought her
three sandwiches and a piece of
fruit,and then they
passionate love until dawn.Three weeks
later,during a
routine inspection,she was discovered by
te captain.
"What are you doing here?"the Captain
asked."I have
an arrangement with one of the saiors,"
she
explained.I get food and a trip to
Europe.and in
return he's screwing me."
"He sure is,lady" the Captain said."This
is the
Staten Island Ferry."
<
br>
There's this little guy sitting inside
this bar,just
looking at his drink.He bstays that way
for a
half-an-hour.Then a big trouble-making
truck driver
steps next to him,takes his drink from
the guy,and
just drinks it all down.The poor man
starts crying.
The truck driver says:"Come on man,I was
just joking
.Here,I'll buy you another drink.I just
can't see a
man crying."
"No,it's not that.Today is the worst day
in my
life.First,I oversleep and was late for
to an
important meeting.My boss,outraged,fired
me.When I
left the building to go to my car,I
found out it was
stolen.The police said they could do
nothing.I got
into a cab to return home,and after I
paid the the
cab driver and the cab was gone,I found
I had left my
whole wallet in the cab.
I got home only to find my wife in bed
with the
gardner.I left home and came to this
bar.And when I
thinking about putting and end to my
life,you show up
and drink my poison..."
Submited
by:Joan
(Reled)
Far Too Much!!
Four guys were on a
cross-country road trip together. They
were from
Idaho, Iowa, New York, and Florida. The
car had been enroute for about two
hours when the man from Idaho rolled
down his window and began tossing
potatoes from a bag he had with him out
of the car. The guy from Florida said,
"What the heck are you doing?" "We have
way too many potatoes in
Idaho," he replied, "and this is a great
way to get rid of some!" After
another hour passed, the Iowan rolled
down his window, opened his duffle bag,
and began tossing out ears of corn. The
New Yorker said,
"Now what the heck are you doing?" To
which the Iowan replied, "Well, We have
far
too much corn in Iowa, so I figured this
would be a great opportunity to get
rid of some of it!"
About two hours later, the
Floridian rolled down his window and
tossed
out the man from New York.
Submited by Joan (Reled)
President Clinton was flying with his
advisors on Air Force One. After some
thought, he called his advisors to ask
their advice. "I think I will throw a
one hundred dollar bill out of the
window and make one citizen happy." One
of his advisors piped up, "Why not throw
two fifty dollar bills out and make two
citizens happy?" Another advisor added,
"Why not throw five twenty dollar bills
out and make five citizens happy?" A
reporter who had snuck out of the press
area into the President's section of the
plane stepped forward and said, "Why
don't you throw yourself out and make
everybody happy?"
Eric
AbsentMindedProf@webtv.net
TELL A
JOKE!
BACK TO FUN HOUSE!
