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ANGER
Does it look like the final straw -
and the tinder is dry?
I know how you feel!
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I'm not going into a lot of detail here, running down all the hurts in my life that
caused such anger in me. I will relate a couple of stories, though. The deepest anger I've ever felt was when I
felt somebody was messin' with my girls.
Dana was just 13; the guy was grown. Not only that, but it was rumored the low-life scum had syphilis. He kept
pestering Dana for a date, but she wasn't interested in that creep. I told him I'd cut his dick off if he didn't
stay away from my daughter. He threatened me back (on the phone). I challenged him to come to my house and say
that. He did. I met him with a HUGE butcher knife and DARED him to come to my door. He never got out of the car.
Nobody ever saw him again.
Another guy had been pestering Kerrie Lynn. I don't remember the threat I made - but he was scared to death of
me. I saw him in a bar after that and walked towards him. He hit me in the head with a pool stick! I was so mad,
I didn't feel a thing. When he saw that it didn't faze me, he ran like a rabbit. He knew if I ever caught him,
I'd KILL him. Nobody ever saw him again either.
I had a lot of anger in me in those days because of my past experiences. I was mean, especially when it came to
my daughters. I'd been bothered by too many "older" guys myself! Plus, it was after I'd spent 5½
years being beaten by Bud Easley. I swore nobody would ever hit me again. For instance, two girls jumped me when
I was playing pool (the argument was over the fact that they were flirting with my boyfriend). By the time it was
over, they were both bleeding. I didn't have a scratch on me. Like I said, I was MEAN and it was to somebody's
detriment to mess with me.
One day I figured out I was too old to be "rolling around in the floor" and cleaned up my act. LOL
However, the "old" Judy can pop out every now and then. Like when we first moved here to Clinton and
kept having a prowler. I finally got tired of it and went to the door with my gun. I yelled out that I wasn't afraid
and that I'd SHOOT first and ask questions later. He could tell by the anger in my voice that I meant it. Another
one who never came back.
It's not good to harbor anger and hatred. I know. I did it for too many years. I haven't totally forgiven everybody
who did me harm, but the Holy Spirit is helping me day by day to have a forgiving heart. It takes away my guilt
for the extreme hatreds and murderous heart I've had in my life. The guilt comes from the fact that Jesus told
us to forgive our enemies, like our Father in heaven forgives us. I sure don't want to face Jesus and have him
ask me why I never did that. That desire in me is not only because I fear punishment, but because I don't want
to see the look on the face of Christ. I know you know what I mean.
I guess the best way I am throwing away my anger is by developing the following attitude:
If ya don't care, then they can't hurt you any more.
Another way I am overcoming my unforgiveness is by putting myself in the other person's shoes and imagine how their
life experiences have molded them to act in the ways they do - just like how my own life experiences have made
me to be a jerk at times.
I fully believe that even the worst of us WANTS to do the right thing. We just can't sometimes, because mainly
WE DON'T KNOW HOW. At least I never did, no matter how hard I tried. I didn't have the necessary life skills to
make proper decisions. No excuse, just fact.
The bottom line, I guess, is to apologize to my children for any wrongs I caused them. I didn't mean to. I also
want to apologize to them for the excessive punishments I gave them when I was raising them. That's the only way
I knew how to do it so that they would grow up to be good people.
The wonderful thing for me is that they have each told me they understand and that they love me, anyway. That means
so much to me, because I love them all so much.
God bless my children and all my grandchildren. Protect them from the anger of this world. In the Name of Jesus,
by the Power of His Blood.
Amen
"God must have chosen me before I came
into the world; He certainly would not have done so afterward."
Charles Spurgeon
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