What am I supposed to do. My mind is all in jumbles. I can't think and I want a way out. Sadness has come over me, for reasons I know not. I just want them to go away. How to get them to I don't know either. What to do, what to say? I want to die. Die. DIE. DIE!!! I love my friends and I don't want them to be sad. And I know they would be. But what do you do when you feel so alone. The friends are there, but not in the right way. You want to be with someone, yet want to be alone. To take the knife and dig in. It's all so simple. I could do it now. And not feel any pain. For the pain that already exists is too great. Die, one deep slice and it's over, you just have to wait as the red life flows out of you. I've tried once. I couldn't do it. I wanted to. To get it over with. I was chicken. I should have done it then. The pain wasn't so bad. My mind can't think. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. Why? Why do I think this way. I must. I must know. Where do I go from here. Should I try again? I've been wanting to so much. So much it scares me. Friends of mine have tried too. Some with blades, others with pills... I've been thinking about too many ways to die. My problem... Thinking. I always think, but have nothing really to think about. Nothing happy anyway. I love too much. But not enough. I don't get angry, but I do hate. I keep it inside. All of it. I don't cry. I show no emotions. Is that why I feel this way? I want to tell someone. But who? I can't tell anyone. No one understands. They think they do. I understand. I understand too much.
