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            A Traveler's Guide to Paterson's Ridge
            The following rules are provided for your information -- and protection


This compilation was put together by Alana and Roxanne. The rules you see below come from our observations in watching one of our favorite shows, the Australian television series Snowy River: The McGregor Saga.


 
  1. You don't mess with Matt McGregor's kids.
  2. Frank is not a seedy, evil villain.
  3. Beware of the Punching Preacher of Paterson's Ridge.
  4. At the end of the day, it's the horse that does all the work.
  5. Two-hit fights ain't good (especially not for the person who hits the ground).
  6. You don't mess with Matt McGregor's kids.
  7. People can speak English funnily in many different ways.
    (This was Roxanne's rule -- I personally LOVE the Australian accent, but for someone trying to learn American English, I guess it's not as easily appreciated...)
  8. If you don't want to vanish from existence, don't get cast on an Australian TV show.
  9. You know someone's gonna stay if 'they've got goats and chickens and stuff'.
  10. You should never start a war with a newspaper.
  11. You should never make the above statement in intelligent company.
  12. You don't mess with Matt McGregor's kids.
  13. If you want to take Langara...don't bother.  Become friends -- not enemies -- with Matt McGregor and save both of you a  lot of trouble.
  14. If your brother tells you he's getting married, you can safely assume he's marrying the girl you've seen him with for the past six months -- especially if she's sitting next to him as he makes the announcement.
  15. If you're going to put the name of someone's home on their tombstone, double-check the spelling.
  16. "We're cousins." is a sufficient explanation for everything.
  17. You don't mess with Matt McGregor's kids.
  18. If you want to be seen as the great person you are, learn to say 'No' to the appropriate people.
  19. If Matt tells you "Outside. Now.", you will not be back shortly.
  20. The reverend can't always be relied upon to support you on this one.
  21. You don't mess with Colin's family.
  22. If you want to forget about your past, don't burn down the shack.
  23. Matt McGregor doesn't lie.
  24. Frank knows this -- don't try to tell him otherwise.
  25. Don't prepare the party before you've won the election.
  26. Never bet against the Man From Snowy River unless you can afford to lose.
  27. You don't mess with Matt McGregor's kids.
  28. If you want to keep the girl, don't get cast as Rob.
  29. Or Herbert.
  30. If your father tells you he's going to put something valuable in your name, he's lying.
  31. Adding 'i's to English words doesn't make them Chinese.
  32. If you can get a lot of money with one boot, it doesn't mean you'll get twice as much with two.
  33. If your brother tells you to to give your father credit for not wrapping you up in cotton wool,do that -- enter the race secretly.
  34. You don't mess with Matt McGregor's kids.
  35. Before you tell Victoria that Blackwoods aren't your favorite people, make sure she's not holding a gun.
  36. If you forget/ignore the above rule, you can rely upon your brother to remove the ammunition from your backside.
  37. The polite way to refer to Kathleen is 'Mrs. O'Neil', not 'the O'Neil woman'.
  38. Ask what they are going to do to your cockatoo before you sell it.
  39. If you are supposed to be in 1895 Australia, using the word 'zit' will make you sound silly.
  40. A run on your bank isn't necessarily a bad thing.
  41. Even if your ploy has always worked like a perfectly tuned instrument, it won't in Paterson's Ridge.
  42. You don't mess with Matt McGregor's friends.
  43. Before you say someone 'looks like a tough customer', make sure you're not talking to one of his relatives.
  44. No matter how hard you try to make him hate you, Matt will STILL offer you a place at Langara.
  45. If you want to get a message to anyone, send Danni.
  46. If Oliver and Matt offer you diametrically opposed descriptions of your stockman, believe Matt. Then you won't have to worry about apologizing when you find out your sober stockman was hard at work all night.
  47. If you keep blaming everything on your son, don't be surprised when he doesn't hand you the shotgun.
  48. You don't mess with Matt McGregor's kids.
  49. If you want to frame someone for a murder attempt, find out how his gun works before producing 'evidence'.
  50. The sooner you tell someone the truth about his father, the sooner he'll move in with you.
  51. If you don't want to be shot, don't tell your brother someone's coming for him after dark.
  52. Prospectors' shacks and pioneers' huts shared a common interior in 1800s Australia.
  53. If you like a quiet, subdued life, don't move to Paterson's Ridge.
  54. The above rule can be ignored if you can become the banker -- no one will bother you.
  55. If it's important for you not to speak with an Australian accent, don't get hooked on Snowy River.
And finally: You don't mess with Matt McGregor's kids.

Kinda partial to Frank Blackwood? Hey, one look at those baby blues, who wouldn't be? Anyway, why not spend all of your free time talking about him? Thanks to my friend Lisa, you can!


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