A Traveler's Guide to Paterson's
Ridge
The following rules are
provided for your information -- and protection
This compilation was
put together by Alana and Roxanne.
The rules you see below come from our observations in watching one of our
favorite shows, the Australian television series Snowy River: The McGregor Saga.
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You don't mess with Matt
McGregor's kids.
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Frank is not
a seedy, evil villain.
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Beware of the Punching
Preacher of Paterson's Ridge.
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At the end of the day,
it's the horse that does all the work.
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Two-hit fights ain't good
(especially not for the person who hits the ground).
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You don't mess with Matt
McGregor's kids.
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People can speak English
funnily in many different ways.
(This was Roxanne's rule -- I personally LOVE the Australian accent, but for someone trying to learn American English, I guess it's not as easily appreciated...)
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If you don't want to vanish
from existence, don't get cast on an Australian TV show.
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You know someone's gonna
stay if 'they've got goats and chickens and stuff'.
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You should never start
a war with a newspaper.
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You should never make
the above statement in intelligent company.
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You don't mess with Matt
McGregor's kids.
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If you want to take Langara...don't
bother. Become friends -- not enemies -- with Matt McGregor and save
both of you a lot of trouble.
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If your brother tells
you he's getting married, you can safely assume he's marrying the girl
you've seen him with for the past six months -- especially if she's sitting
next to him as he makes the announcement.
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If you're going to put
the name of someone's home on their tombstone, double-check the spelling.
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"We're cousins." is a
sufficient explanation for everything.
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You don't mess with Matt
McGregor's kids.
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If you want to be seen
as the great person you are, learn to say 'No' to the appropriate people.
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If Matt tells you "Outside.
Now.", you will not be back shortly.
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The reverend can't always
be relied upon to support you on this one.
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You don't mess with Colin's
family.
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If you want to forget
about your past, don't burn down the shack.
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Matt McGregor doesn't
lie.
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Frank knows this -- don't
try to tell him otherwise.
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Don't prepare the party
before you've won the election.
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Never bet against the
Man From Snowy River unless you can afford to lose.
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You don't mess with Matt
McGregor's kids.
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If you want to keep the
girl, don't get cast as Rob.
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Or Herbert.
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If your father tells you
he's going to put something valuable in your name, he's lying.
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Adding 'i's to English
words doesn't make them Chinese.
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If you can get a lot of
money with one boot, it doesn't mean you'll get twice as much with two.
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If your brother tells
you to to give your father credit for not wrapping you up in cotton wool,do
that -- enter the race secretly.
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You don't mess with Matt
McGregor's kids.
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Before you tell Victoria
that Blackwoods aren't your favorite people, make sure she's not holding
a gun.
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If you forget/ignore the
above rule, you can rely upon your brother to remove the ammunition from
your backside.
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The polite way to refer to
Kathleen is 'Mrs. O'Neil', not 'the O'Neil woman'.
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Ask what they are going
to do to your cockatoo before you sell it.
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If you are supposed to
be in 1895 Australia, using the word 'zit' will make you sound silly.
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A run on your bank isn't
necessarily a bad thing.
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Even if your ploy has
always worked like a perfectly tuned instrument, it won't in Paterson's
Ridge.
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You don't mess with Matt
McGregor's friends.
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Before you say someone
'looks like a tough customer', make sure you're not talking to one of his
relatives.
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No matter how hard you
try to make him hate you, Matt will STILL offer you a place at Langara.
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If you want to get a message
to anyone, send Danni.
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If Oliver and Matt offer
you diametrically opposed descriptions of your stockman, believe Matt.
Then you won't have to worry about apologizing when you find out your sober
stockman was hard at work all night.
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If you keep blaming everything
on your son, don't be surprised when he doesn't hand you the shotgun.
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You don't mess with Matt
McGregor's kids.
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If you want to frame someone
for a murder attempt, find out how his gun works before producing
'evidence'.
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The sooner you tell someone
the truth about his father, the sooner he'll move in with you.
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If you don't want to be
shot, don't tell your brother someone's coming for him after dark.
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Prospectors' shacks and
pioneers' huts shared a common interior in 1800s Australia.
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If you like a quiet, subdued
life, don't move to Paterson's Ridge.
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The above rule
can be ignored if you can become the banker -- no one will bother you.
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If it's important for
you not to speak with an Australian accent, don't get hooked on Snowy River.
And finally: You
don't mess with Matt McGregor's kids.
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