Wednesday, December 31, 2003: Urti Berri On
Well, 2003 is less than 24 hours away from being over. To cap off the year nicely, I just got off the phone with Sebas (Iñaki), which brought back the memories of Spain. I have a lot of weird thoughts going on here, especially with the upcoming trip; may get to explaining them later (gotta explain them to myself first...). But, everything's ready to go for California, so we're going to go from there.In other interesting news, hung out with Fiona and Aurora tonight. Was just going to hang out with Fiona, but Aurora called and (jokingly(?)) complained that she wasn't invited, so we went and picked her up. Went and saw "21 Grams", which reminded me of "Memento", so I'm not sure I liked it. Afterward, grabbed some Wendy's and went back to my place (it's so cool to get to say that). Shar was there, so the four of us chatted and shot the shit, and had a damn good time doing it. I can remember Shar telling me that she and Aurora didn't really get along all that well in high school (they both went to Reed HS), but they really bonded tonight, even going so far as to exchange cell numbers! So, I was glad to be a part of that. And as for the wierdness that has existed between Aurora and me the past semester or two I tried my best to brush off. She said she'd felt avoided; I left unsaid that I was the one who felt avoided by her! So, it seemed to me that neither of us didn't want to hang out with the other, so I (and maybe she) dropped it and tried to have a good evening. We did. So, it was a good end of the year. If I get around to it and ever get a job and internet, I may post a retrospective. It's not like I haven't had an interesting as hell year. *winks* If not, well, look in the damn archives. 'Night! 2:21am
Wednesday, December 24, 2003: Feliz Navidad
First of all, Merry Christmas/Feliz Navidad to all the loyal readers. I myself just left Veracruz, which was amazing and beautiful and filled with friendly people. The Oosterdam is the first cruise ship to make port there for the purpose of shore excursions, and the townspeople loved it. All of them were really helpful, especially in the huge sidewalk cafe on the main drag, and we got some pictures of the oldest city hall in the Americas--1519!!As for the fact that another year is drawing to a close, well, what can I say. I've posted all the juicy details here already, and there's not much to add. Except that I'm paying 55 cents a minute to post this, so maybe I'll stop fretting and just wish that everyone have a safe and happy holiday season and may God, whoever he is, bless you and yours. Feliz Navidad, prospero año y felicidad, people. 11:05pm central time
Wednesday, December 17, 2003: New essay
Wrote a repsonse to my Point of Life essay. 12:52pmWednesday, December 17, 2003: One Year!
Exactly 366 days have past since I first started keeping this journal. Since then, I've changed the font and the background color. Ooh-la-la.Actually, upon reflection, I've changed a hell of a lot more than that. I've grown so much. The biggest news: I'm not in the closet any more. News 2) I may have come close to falling in love. 3) I visited four different countries (the UK, France, Spain, Monaco) in as many months. 5) I perfected my Spanish, making many friends and learning how to live on my own. 6) Oh, I don't know.
That summary doesn't really pay justice to the way I feel. It's hard to be truly eloquent at six in the morning. But, I'm quite pleased with myself and the changing I've done. It's amazing to me. In fact, just yesterday, less than 24 hours since I'd moved in, a Baptist minister came to the house, and I politely but firmly told him to fuck off, and it felt right. I felt no qualms. The hangups I used to feel about religion (whenever confronted by it, I'd ask myself, am I wrong? am I going to hell?) were no longer there. My only regret was that I didn't tell him that he should be very very glad that I answered the door and not my boyfriend. Whew.
So, here I am, one year older, a bunch more wiser, and with full knowledge that I have a fucking long road ahead of me yet. I still have too much baggage, and I still have to lose some weight, but in the end I'm better than I was before. I think that's pretty cool.
Feliz cumpleaños a mi sitio! 6:43am
Monday, December 15, 2003: Miénteme by Olga Tañon
Este amor que me corre por las venasThursday, December 11, 2003: The last...
I've been saying "the last" a lot lately, to such an extent that I'm beginning to sound like a broken record to myself. But, here I go again! Today is the last day at Owasys. I've made a few friends here, and that means I'm feeling kind of down. Admittedly, it seems that most of the bonding has occurred in the past couple weeks, but that doesn't change the fact that I've made friends here. Susana and Maite have been especially good to me, as well as those two girls that seem to come as a set whose names I don't know. Nevertheless, had some great chats and laughs out in the hall smoking, and I'm going to miss that.So, since Owasys has always been my computing resource, this could also very well be my last entry from Spain. While I'm going to save the eulogy for my first night in America (I'm going to be by myself at the Grosvenor), I still want to thank all those at Owasys who made my internship a great one. Especially to Maite for the letters of recommendation! And also the New Zealander, for having someone to talk in English with!
Ready or not, America, here I come!
Spain, to borrow a phrase from Roy's and California's governor, "I'll be back".
6:56pm
Tuesday, December 9, 2003: Iñaki, Mom and Dad, Fiona, Iñaki....
As I was walking to work today, I found myself hoping that Maite and Susana would pull me into the conference room and offer me a €30,000/yr job. I was thinking, yeah, I already have a place I could stay.I wouldn't dream of calling this love, but we've hit it off so well. If my Spanish were better, I know we'd hit it off even better. And I'm sure he'd be more than happy to teach me Basque. I'd have a job, an apartment, and of course Owasys would be nice enough to let me come home for the holidays and arrange to have Alex sent over. And when I got back, I'd have a nice warm bed with a nice warm guy lying next to me just waiting for me.
But this is all just dreaming. But then again, he's arranging things so that he can drive me to the airport Sunday morning. I mean, how sweet is that. He's very down to earth, not much nonsense, but he's so damn good in bed. I know he likes me a lot. What am I supposed to think? I mean, I haven't treated this as anything more than a fling, because that's all it could be. But what if it could be more? Would I take it? Would he accept? And what would happen if he didn't? I mean, I never moved my schedule around like this before. I have a Corporate Finance exam tomorrow I have yet to study for, and two pages left on my ten pager, which I'm planning on writing today. But instead of working on my studies, or catching up on sleep, or cleaning the apartment, I went to see him. And it wasn't just for the sex. I'm not saying sex wasn't involved, mind you...
And getting to talk with him about gay shit, like how all the straight guys are missing out on what a day's worth of stubble can do, etc, is so relieving. I've done it before, but not really gotten to sit down and talk, in Spanish, about being maricón. It's been great. And I've learnt more about Euskera in the past two weeks than I have the whole semester combined.
I don't know. I think he's just going to be either the one that got away, or the one who always has a soft spot in my heart, no matter who else comes along... 3:30pm
Sunday, December 7, 2003: One week left...
Well, whaddya know? At 9:00 this morning, I had exactly one week left in Bilbao. ShitThis has gotten me in a somewhat philosophic mood. It really hit me just now, when I was checking my emails, Mom saying "I can't wait to give you a big bear hug" and then my telling Roy, "This is my last Sunday evening at La Plaza". That's been somewhat of a ritual with Chris, Ryan, and me, every Sunday, to go down to La Plaza, have some beer or coffee (with Baileys), and watch a little American football. I remember the tradition starting, as they had satellite and it seemed like going back was a long way off. And now, it's the last time I'll get to do it. I just wish I had a little more time here, some time wherein I didn't have to worry about finals, and packing, but could really enjoy my last few days. Instead, I'm here at the internet café (a new one, because they have slightly better computers here), working (wink wink) on an EU class 10-pager, after which I still have to study for my CorpFin final, and do a bit of studying for my Spanish class (gotta get an A in both of the latter). It's all over on Wednesday, but Thursday Loli's coming to check out the apartment and return our deposits, so it all has to be ready to go. We won't really be living there anymore. Then a last Saturday night with Javi (or better Friday night, since I have to leave early Sunday morning), and boom! it's over. I'm not sure I'm sad, but more like whistful, maybe. I really do wish it didn't have to end so quickly; I'm not quite sure why I had to take such an early flight home. I mean, it really wouldn't have killed me to fly home on the 17th--that'd be a lot easier, and I'd have one last weekend with Iratxi, Aida, Miguel, Chris, Ryan, Iñaki. Hell, maybe even José. What can you do, other than spend €150 on changing the flight dates (which would kill my folks). Crapola.
So, while it's not over yet, and I have time to take advantage of a few more things, I'm still wishing. A little more time, and few more opportunities to do a few of the things I've really enjoyed over here. Oh well: I'll just read this in a couple years and up and decide I have to see all my old friends again. That makes parting easier--the knowledge that it's not the last time. All right, to really get on this goddamn paper. 8:44pm
Thursday, December 4, 2003: Crisis Averted, Lesson Learnt
Yesterday's entry was an exercise in hypochondria, thank god. J'ai parlé avec Ange, et il m'a dit que il y a six mois a était certifiqué sain. Merci a dieu, et durant ce temps, il a avait relations avec seulment une autre personne. Ça veux dire que les probabilités de que je suis enferme sont bas. Quelle aliviation!In other news, I got a date, with Iñaki, who always uses them. So, I've little need to worry. But this has made me wonder why, when I can recognize my hypochondria, that I can't seem to do anything about it. Why do I inflame myself up to such a huge degree, all for the sake of naught. It's not like I ever really get better afterwards; all I do is breathe a huge sigh of relief and keep on going as if nothing happened. Hopefully though, the next time someone wants me and doesn't want to use un préservatif, I'm going to say no, and not have to go through this again. I hope.
Fiona, great entry today. 3:11pm
Wednesday, December 3, 2003: Note to self...
La prochaine foix que tu fait l'amour, n'oubliez pas protection. Ça c'est la merde--le WebMD dit que, 2-3 semaines depuis l'exposure a le VIH, on a une fiebre. Il y a 1.5 semaines despuis de mon encontre avec Ange, et j'ai un cold. Est-que j'ai une maladie? J'espoire que non. Mais je ne peux pas savoir jusqu'a Mai. Six mois de hypochondrie! Merde. Je suis très etupide. Comment peux-je allivier cette sensation de que je vais morire en quinze ans? Si je suis infecté, comment je vais vivre? Comment je vais le dire à ma maman? Mon dieu, qu'est-que je vais faire? A voir... 7:55pmTuesday, December 2, 2003: Three long sessions, two Iñakis, and one helluva Corporate Finance Party....
Wow, it's been awhile since I updated. Quite a few things have happened since I last decided I needed to share my life with the world, not to mention, it's now December and I can finally get in the Christmas spirit without feeling too over-capitalist.So last Wednesday, I finally met up with Iñaki down the street. Went to Barbarella's next to Café Crème, and had a great chat. "Then they left the bar, they got in his car and they drove away"...until we figured out that neither of us had a place to ourselves. Oops. So, went to La Plaza, and we're going to try to see if one of us can't get a place for a while. So he left, Ryan came, and we had a drink. Oh well.
So Thursday, I decided I needed sex, and met up with another Iñaki. All that can be said is, holy shit. Not quite a good a kisser as Jaintzi, and not as well endowed as Jorge, but god, he's good.
So, slept until 2pm (at my house) on Friday, then watched Simpsons, showered, and got ready for the CF party. Met up with most of the class, in addition to someone's friend from Alicante and Tony the Nose Guy, and we went way out of town, past the airport, to an authentic Basque cidrería. Got wild and crazy there, the sexual tension was up with everyone, (I mean, María is just that damn hot. I know at least one student was trying to take her home). After the cidrería, went to Consorcio in Bilbao and danced the night away. Really bonded with Karen (the loud and vocal Vietnamese-Californian) and Kristen (the squeaky clean antitobacco girl) during the evening. Karen said I registered really high on her gaydar (had a laugh about that). And we all got tipsy (Kristen drunk after three beers) and just had insane amounts of fun. Almost wish I could've gone to the first one. Whew.
So, woke up pretty late on Saturday. But then Iñaki called, and I had to answer. He picked me up at 1am on Sunday, and we went clubbing in Barakaldo.
Now this was the great stuff. We're dancing in a club, just like any other, and I just get the urge to kiss him. So I do. And at least two couples decide to see what the other side of the club is like. Then we go to this really elegant club a few blocks away, where beer's €5 a pop. Have these two girls dancing right next to us (I barely noticed them, but Iñaki had a great view), who were appearantly trying to get our attention, until I kissed him again, their mouths dropped, and they started working on some other guys elsewhere. Then we went home, and the real fun started. Did it twice that night, and we slept together naked. Woke up and did it again. Yee-haw. We had breakfast and coffee at 4 in the afternoon, then went home. What a day.
So, back on my head. Only a few more classes left before finals. I have to write a paper and study, in addition to getting laid, so this is going to require planning. Off to work now! 3:48pm
