Pioneers of generic rock

Nemo


  When you think of great music today, you think of experimental. You think of rock stars who incarnate the phrase "the body electric". Bright, talented, far-reaching. They encompass all that is creativity and stardom. . . Nemo is not one of these bands and they do NOT make that kind of music.

  Nemo is a combination of every space rock band known to man. They're generic, part of the white noise we're forced to listen to throughout our lives. Forgetable. Ugly. . . The worst part of it all, though, is the attitude of the 4 members. They bicker amongst themselves and expect the undivided worship of their possibly 5 fans. Other artists in the business are appalled by them, pushed to limits they wouldn't normally take. "Yeah, I met those Nemo guys at a club once." said David Bowie, "They crowded around me like an outcropping of hooligans wanting to know if I'd produce their album. When I refused, they started pushing me and my wife around and otherwise being disruptive and rude. . . Finally, I was forced to call my security guards. . . I would have called the police, but I don't like to make enemies."

  They've also been slated to be rather promiscuous and otherwise sexually deviant. Several female fans have filed rape charges against the band, saying they were gang raped and forced to watch lewd acts with various farm animals and sporting equipment. There was one very famous case brought against one band member by Ewan McGregor, who starred in such Scotish films as "Shallow Grave" and "Trainspotting". McGregor reported that he was approached by bassist Darrell Simpson in a bar one evening who offered to pay the actor $100 for his "services". McGregor politely declined. Simpson was so enraged that he grabbed McGregor by the testicles and pulled him into the bathroom where he beat McGregor senseless and threatened to, as Mcgregor put it, "fuck my ass till my intestines shot through the wall."

  As for their music, it is boring and lethargic. Another link in the chain of bad music that binds the Western Hemisphere's hands. . . But what do you expect, they're Canadian.

 

Back