Humans: 

Your cat waits and meows at the front door when you arrive. Is it saying:  
 a) Welcome home   
b) The phone rang twice while you were out   
 c) Feed me, NOW 

Your cat meows at the door when you go out. Is it saying:   
 a) Please don't leave me here all alone     
b) Goodbye     
c) But what if I get hungry while you out? 

Your cat digs its claws in your leg. Is this:   
a) An unsupressed primal instinct    
b) A sign of affection    
c) A demand to be fed now 

Your cat scratches at the door after being fed: Is it saying:    
a) Lemme out - I need to use the garden    
b) Wanna go out and play    
c) Wonder what they've got to eat next door? 

Cats:

Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean:    
a) It's hungry     
b) It's lost     
c) You're hungry 

Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this:    
a) supper    
b) something to keep you going till supper's ready     
c) inedible junk to be scorned in favour of what the human's got. 

Your human removes you from the top of the television. Does this mean:    
a) You're in trouble - better not do it again    
b) Nothing - humans do this from time to time     
c) The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it. 

Staircases are for:    
a) Getting up to the human's bedroom at 4am    
b) Lying in wait in the dark at the top of    
c) Walking down just slower than the human in front of it.    
d) all of the above