Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-fligh safety lecture" a bit more entertaining.  Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

-"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and  seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."

-"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways   out of this airplane..."

-"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event  of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments." 

-"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke,  contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."

-"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited.  Any person caught smoking in  the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately." 

- Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am  going  to switch the seat belt sign off.  Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." 

-And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.  We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." 

-As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft.

-Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our  cruising  altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to  autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for  the rest of the flight."

-As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, alone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

-"Should the cabin loose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area.  Please place the bag  over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children." 

-"As you exit the plane, please make sure to sure to gather all of your belongings.  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the  flight attendants.  Please do not leave children or spouses." 

-"Last one off the plane must clean it."

-And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have  some  of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately  none  of them are on this flight...!  

-Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump  and I know what ya'll are thinking.  I'm here to tell you it wasn't  the  airlines fault, it wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the flight attendants fault.....it was the asphalt!"  

-Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."