16.The President lets you ride on "Air Force One", if you know what I mean.

15. Boss not only implements "Casual Fridays" but also "Topless Tuesdays."

14. You've just leapfrogged Al Gore in the line of succession.

13. "Oooh, yeah, baby -- I'll make you a White House Secretary... Assistant Chief of Staff... ohhh... Ambassador to Sweden!... Supreme Court Justice!!! Supreme Court Justice!!!"

12. The President has the Secret Service detail your '91 Taurus.

11. Buddy no longer wastes time sniffing both your crotch and the President's.

10. After your first "meeting" with "The Boss," you move up 2 tax brackets.

9. As if national publicity, a $1M movie deal, and $10M in Democratic hush money wasn't enough, the Paula Jones Foundation for Homely Women has donated $20K to you for a full makeover and braces.

8. You get to sit on Gore's lap during the State of the Union Address.

7. You know the White House like you know the back of the President's head.

6. Your per diem is bigger than Peru's GNP and your only duty is to keep silent.

5. The first lady invites you on a private ski weekend.

4. The Vice President isn't the only "stiffie" you've seen in the White House.

3. Performance review rated you a "10" in the category "Ability to turn-on the president with your hillbilly good looks."

2. Al Gore's pulse jumps up to 3 when you pass by.

1. It ain't Keats, but for Bubba, "Shall I compare thee to a Big Mac" is pretty damn romantic.