Reading the signs: How to make shallow snap judgements - Taken from Women's Glibber

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode these key "signs":

1. Woman won't unlock car door for man.
-Doesn't engage in oral sex.

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman.
-No foreplay.

3. Man can't hail a cab.
-Impotent.

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant.
-Prefers virgins.

5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way there.
-Is a virgin.

6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant.
-Compulsive Don Juan.

7. Insists on going to a homey little cafe.
-Compulsive Don Quixote.

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar.
-Compulsive Don Ho.

9. Wants to go to a French restaurant.
-Will swallow.

10. Wants to go to a deli.
-Won't swallow.

11. Uses Sweet n' Low.
-Wears falsies.

12. Takes too long deciding what to order.
-Has trouble reaching orgasm.

13. Orders salad dressing on the side.
-Will give a hand job, but won't go "all the way".

14. Gives explicit orders to the waiter or waitress.
-Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.
-Will say she's using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.

15. Insists on ordering for you.
-Thinks that you had an orgasm when you didn't.

16. Asks for "the usual".
-Insists on missionary position only.

17. Asks what the specials are.
-Will want you to use handcuffs.

18. Fills up on bread and crackers.
-Premature ejaculator.

19. Doesn't finish everything on the plate.
-Has already come.

20. Insists on having some of what you ordered.
-Will make you sleep on the wet spot.

21. Changes mind after ordering.
-Will never call you.

22. Changes tables.
-Nymphomaniac.

23. Drinks decaf.
-Fakes orgasm. (Female)

24. Orders in French.
-Fakes orgasm. (Male)

25. Sends food back.
-Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, and then try to borrow money.

26. Asks for detailed descriptions of the desserts.
-Needs you to talk dirty during sex.

27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers.
-Wants a hand job.

28. Orders a dessert involving nuts.
-Castrating bitch.

29. Wants to split dessert.
-Is dying to move in with you and rearrange all your clostes.

30. Credit card is refused.
-Low sperm count.

31. Undertips waiter.
-Small penis.

32. Undertips parking valet.
-Small penis.

34. Undertips cabbie.
-Small penis.

35. Uses a toothpick.
-Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.

36. Has a removable cassette player in car.
-Pulls out repeatedly during sex.

37. Has a cellular phone in car.
-Has a penile implant.