Controversy: Should the tree be real or fake?
Yuppie: Live tree, planted after use
Male: Fake tree, discarded after use
Female: Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
Reality: Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with furballs

Controversy: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
Yuppie: Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
Male: Bulbs flash logo of football team
Female: Elegant flickering candles
Reality: Tree bursts into flames, burns house down

Controversy: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
Yuppie: Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
Male: Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
Female: Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
Reality: Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts

Controversy: Do ya fling or hang tinsel?
Yuppie: Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
Male: Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree
Female: Each icicle hangs like strand of spaghetti
Reality: More icicles on floor than on tree

Controversy: Do ya open gifts on Christmas Eve or Morning
Yuppie: Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules
Male: Anytime, just so it doesn't interfere with football
Female: Anytime the entire family is present
Reality: Doesn't matter, everyone's peeked anyway