My Quote Book

Here are some quotes from some of the weird people I know. Don't be afraid. These quotes made sense at the time....

(NOTE: I may have quoted some of you without your permission. If for any reason you don't want your quote on this page, please let me know and I will fix it as soon as possible.)

People from RPI are in black, People from home are in blue, People from MIT are in green


- "But if you have the pu pu platter delivered, it doesn't come with one of those little fires."-Erika

- "Where'd that darn virginity go? It was here just a minute ago!"-Erika

- "Most of the guys here (at RPI) just sit around and ooze testosterone!"-Erika

- "Never go to your junior parent conference on contact explosive day."-Erika

- "Is this thing supposed to be on fire?"-one of the guys in my chemistry group while doing a lab, and no, it wasn't supposed to be on fire...

- "While I'm confessing, you can interpret the floor."-Jeff

- "Damn! Why can't I be a girl?"-Michael

- "You don't know horny 'til you've been a guy."-Jeff

- "Did you just kick my ass?"-Erika

- "Do you have to go look for body parts?"-Erika

- "We are going to have a sex-free dinner."-Erika

- "Your scapula just went right into my breast."-Erika

- "I'm not arrogant.....I'm just good."-Martin(from band)

- "You're the most supportive bitch I know."-Jeff

- "I give cheese head?"-Julie T.

- "Want me to shave your fabric?"-Julie T.

- Jeff: "Hey, I have the tray of gay sex."
  Julie T.: "I had that at lunch!"
  Mark: "You had gay sex?"

- "Hey, Jeff's titrating at dinner!"-Mark

- "Yeah, my favorite number is thirteen because the sperm bank is on the thirteenth floor."-Julie T.

- "Men aren't that complex. They grunt, they scratch, they think about sex and women and they go home."-Erika

- "I'll trade you the antichrist for a two."-Joe X. (while playing cards)

- "Ok guys, let's go get lobotomies."-Joe P.

- "We are some punchy, hung-over motherfuckers, man."-Joe P.

- "Now, now, let's get our racial slurs right..."-Steve

- "Objects in motion tend to stay in motion...I'm at rest, motherfucker!"-Chris

- Charlie: "Did you just call me a wang?"
  Joe: "Yeah."
  Charlie: "Hey, man, that's 'Dinky Wang Man' to you!"

- "I heard a thump and I walked in, and there was my head, lying on the floor!"-my mom

- "Child labor is okay....as long as it doesn't happen to you!"-Steve

- "Come to Long Island! We don't watch Dawson's Creek here!.....Well, some people do, but we don't like them."-Erika

- "Every day, this job reminds me more and more of 'The Breakfast Club'."-Chris

- "I like 'em geriatric and nasty!" -Steve

- "What in the world would possess you to stick your finger in an orifice and pull it out and smell it?" -Lisa (don't worry...she was talking about a belly button)

- "When in doubt, hang it from the ceiling!" -Julie T.

- "No, you can not have a kidney!" -Lisa

- "I don't think even Jon can have sex in surround sound" -Jeff

- "My middle toe is up in spirit." - Jonathan (while watching "Swingers")

- "It was so much funnier before it came out of my ass." - Erika

- "The only thing that would go down on me is my computer." - Jeff

- "Hey, my mom is not sold at the Ghetto Chopper!" -Julie T.

- "I couldn't find my dongle, so I went home...I got back and found out it was in my sack the whole time!" -Jeff

- "The network's a slut...it's goes down on everyone!" -Jeff and Michael

- "I have to pee....is your toilet pastry-filled?" -Julie T.

- "I'm trying to draw this cylinder, but so far all I have is this circle and it's just chillin' over here." -Ryan (while working on CAD)

- "How many repetitions can you do of Julie in a chair?" -Jeff

- "Charlie Brown doesn't have breasts!" -said in perfect unison by Julie and Erika

- "Shall we skip ahead to the oral sex?" -Erika

- Julie T: "I have no desire to have your charged rod induce a current in my Amperian loop."
  Jeff: "Come on guys, you're Gaussin' me out!"

-"I was gonna just take MAU and tell them to suck it, but then they'd tell me I couldn't graduate and I'd have to say, 'Ok, I'll suck myself'." -Jonathan

-"Ok, give me a tissue so I can kick your ass" -Jeff

-"I think that other schools probably take in average kids and generate intelligent adults.. RPI takes in really smart kids and generates really really smart kids" -Jeff

-"I think the water made me menstruate." (a few minutes later, sung, you know, the Dave Matthews Band song...) "Don't drink the water, there's blood in the water....uh, I didn't think about that one before I said it...ew!" -Julie

-"We're gonna watch Dawson's Creek now, because there are no lesbians on that show." -Erika

-"Ok, I never want to hear the word 'colonoscopy' on the phone again!" -Kim

-"Yeah, that's almost as bad as the time that little old lady called up and wanted to know if her health insurance would cover her having her ear wax removed by the doctor." -Carolyn (in response to Kim's previous comment)

-"You know it's a good party when people walk in and say, 'Mmm...smells like burning pickle brine!'" -Lisa

-"I decided that when life is in the shitter the best thing to do is flush" -Jeff

-"Today is my shower-optional day. I don't have to shower...I just wipe well." -Lisa

-"If life is a stage and we are all players upon it then I'd like to know where my understudy is cause I really don't feel like I can go on tonight" -Jeff

-"We've found hours of amusement in your pants!" -Julie

-"It's supposed to be a good-night kiss, not a good-night throat probe." -Lisa

-"Yeah, she stops to smell the roses. Hell, she stops to smell her own pee." -my mom

-"I don't want to insult Cathy...I just met her!" -Lisa (9/3/00)

-"Everyone thinks it's easy to find a guy at RPI...sure, the odds are good, but the goods are odd..." -Aviva (9/3/00)

-"I played with orifices today! In Thermal class! And there were four boys in the room with me..." -Erika (9/6/00)

-"She looks like she could use a good fuck." -Austin, about the girl on his birthday card (9/12/00)

-"A wise philosopher once said: 'life is hard, and confusing, and it sucks sometimes too'." -Jeff (9/12/00)

-"I had two choices: I could either leave the typos in your notes, or I could die." -Prof. Lahey (10/20/00)

-"Ack! How did I end up on ESPN? I can't reach the remote!! HELP!!HELP!!" -Erika (10/23/00)

-"Ooooooh....monkey crotch!" -Said simultaneously by Julie and Erika (11/7/00)

-"Christ was looking for you before, wound up coming up here and grabbed my mid-term." -Kyle, online (don't worry, it was a typo, Jesus wasn't actually looking for me...) (11/13/00)

-"I've never seen someone's mood so affected by poultry before." -Jeff (11/19/00)

-"Don't yell, "Hymen!" at the Tupperware!!" -Julie (12/4/00)

-" just..make some eye contact...and you will know if someone makes eye contact back,....then..GET REALLY TRASHED AND KISS SOMEONE " -Karin's IM conversation

-"Do you know how hard it is to fart when you're wearing a thong?" -Lisa (2/23/01)

-"I'm not going to hell, I'm going to be reincarnated. I'm coming back as you...I think I can do it better." -Lisa (2/24/01)

-"I came to school with only one ass, and now I have two and a half. I gained one and a half asses in my three years here!" -Peter at a Stackwyck party (4/7/01)

- Jesse: "I've always wondered...what's up with nose hair? I mean, was the inside of the nose jealous cause it couldn't grow hair like the rest of the body or something?"
Brent: "Maybe...if that's the case, then I think my back's starting to get a little jealous too." (4/17/01)

-"You're not on crack, you're just stupid!" -Erika (May, '01, while studying for Modeling and Control)

-"I am Athena. The virgin goddess of wisdom. I'm smart and I'll be a virgin forever." -Erika (May, '01, again while studying for Modeling and Control)

- Mike S: "Brick? Why do we yell brick?"
Fresman Mike(who isn't really a freshman anymore): "Because brick rhymes with puck!" (10/13/01)

- Erika:"Things that you can be happy about: A gift of tools..."
Julie:"A gift of tulle? T-u-l-l-e?"
Erika:"No, tools. T-o-o-l-s. Tools."
Julie:"Tools are supposed to make me happy?"
Erika:"Fuck you." (October, '01)

-"I've gone too far to turn back now! My dam has broken, and all the villagers are dead!" -Lisa (11/2/01)

-"I like her. I think we should take her into our coven....uh, I mean our circle of friends!" -Erika (11/6/01)

-Mom:"Well, there's mass at 7:30 and midnight"
Dad:"We could go to both"
Mom:"I'm not that holy" (12/24/01...Merry Christmas!)

-"I thought I was fondling myself, but then I didn't get an erection." -Jeff (12/31/01)

-Erika:"What would prompt someone to be a gynecologist?"
Me:"I don't know, maybe if you like vaginas."
Erika:"Yeah, but those poor male gynecologists. After a while, it must be like 'Ho-hum. Just another vagina'. Like, imagine if you were a penis doctor..." (2/25/02)

-"I've thought about going gay just so I could have a parade." -Name omitted to protect the innocent (5/2/02)

-"I can't afford to be the monkey king. Can you afford to be the monkey king?" -Erika (5/7/02)

-"Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!" -Jonathan (quoting from The Simpsons, but while riding in a car while Jeff was driving) (5/?/02)

-"Want to videotape my crotch? It's like a little window into the world" -Jeff, Montreal trip (5/?/02)

-Jeff:"I almost wanna go to a mass...just to see if I remember the shit...though I'm pretty sure I do"
Me:"I think it's like riding a bike"
Jeff:"absolutely"
Me:"TO HEAVEN"
(9/16/02)

-"If you can't donate blood, you probably shouldn't drink a 40 of Colt 45." -Peter C. (9/19/02)

-Lucie:"You couldn't ask that girl out. You have no balls."
Peter:"Yeah, I have no balls. I used to have three!"
(2/7/03)

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Email: turcoj@rpi.edu