Long and Bitter
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty,
& so is your head.
After you, my love, my only prize
Would be a bullet between the eyes.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you're not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace.
But don't take that paper bag off your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
Every time I see your face,
I wish I were in outer space.
I saw your face as you walked by
But then I saw a better guy.
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
Beauty is on the inside,
but some may doubt,
If it's true,
I'd prefer you inside out.
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
I see your face
when I am dreaming
That's why I always
wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away
What have you stepped in
to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to Hell."
Onions and Christmas Trees
A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it OK for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?"
Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son, we wouldn't be normal if we didn't....there are all kinds of breasts...depending on a woman's age- In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit, after fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions, Dad?"
"Yeah, you see them and they make you cry...."
Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"
The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties andforties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yep, all dried up and the balls are only there for decoration.
Books to read: "How to Ruin your Love Life" by Ben Stein
Music to Listen to:
Okay, so there are some basics. There are no wallowing songs, and "I Will Survive" was purposely left off the list. Of course you’ll survive, unless he’s stalking you, in which case go to the police. More added as they come to mind…..
1. Untouchable Face- Ani DiFranco. This song is slow and sung softy, but if you listen to the words, you realize that this is not a love song, but the very opposite as she sings, “…you know I don’t look forward to seeing you again—you look like a photograph of yourself, taken from far, far away—and I won’t know what to do, I won’t know what to say, except fuck you, and your untouchable face, yeah f*ck you, for existing in the first place, and who am I? That I should be vying for your touch, I said who am I? I’ll bet you can’t even tell me that much…”*See also 32 Flavors.
2. Loud and Clear- The Cranberries- This song knocks up the beat, with loud horns and catchy beat. Dolores O’Riorden’s amazing voice soars as she sings, “I hope that you miss me- put me down in history, I feel such a reject now- get yourself a life! I hope that you’re sorry, for not respecting me, for not enjoying me- that’s why I’m not your wife! …I hope that you never get the things you wanted to- now I cast a spell on you, complicate your life- Hope you get a puncture, everywhere you ever drive, hope the sun beats down on you and skins yourself alive! …Loud and Clear I make my point, dear!" *See also Just my Imagination
3. In The End – Linkin Park A mix of rap and rock, you’ve probably heard this song played to death on the radio, but it’s a great song nonetheless. “…despite of the way you were mocking me, acting like I was part of your property- remembering all the times you fought with me- I’m surprised it got so far- things aren’t the way they were before- you wouldn’t even recognize me anymore- not that you knew me back then, but it all comes back to me in the end- I kept everything inside, and even though I tried, it all fell apart- what it meant to me will eventually be a memory of the time that I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…” *See also Crawling
4. Sin Wagon- Dixie Chicks. This song is totally rocked out country, and you can’t help but feel like dancing a bit when you hear it. The lyrics, of course, are what make it so fantastic! "He pushed me ‘round- now I’m drawin’ the line. He lived his life- now I’m gonna go live mine I’m sick of wastin’ my time! Well now, I’ve been good for way too long. Found my red dress and I’m gonna throw it on- ‘Bout to get too far gone- Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition! Need a little bit more of my twelve ounce nutrition- One more helpin’ of what I’ve been havin’- and I’m takin’ my turn on the sin wagon!… When it’s my turn to march up to glory- I’m gonna have one HELL of a story! That’s if he forgives me- Oh Lord please forgive me!" *See also Goodbye Earl
5. Your Woman- White Town I have this weird thing where I think that the melody of this song sounds like music in Star Wars that plays every time Darth Vader is around- anyone else ever notice that, or am I crazy? Anyhow, this song’s lyrics are pretty gosh darn perfect. It has a funky techno-esque sound and a great bass riff in the middle. “I’ve been waiting for so long to hear the truth- it comes as no surprise at all, you see, so cut the crap and tell me that we’re through…Well I guess what you say is true, I could never be the right kind of girl for you, I could never be your woman. When I saw my best friend yesterday, She said she never liked you from the start, Well me, I wish that I could claim the same, But you always knew you held my heart. And you're such a charming handsome man, Now I think I finally understand, Is it in your genes? I don't know, But I'll soon find out, that's for sure, Why did you play me this way?"
6.Special- Garbage. I love this song- her voice is controlled but raw enough to get her anger across. Not too hard, not too soft- "I'm living without you, But I know all about you, I have run you down into the ground, Spread disease about you over town, I used to adore you, I couldn't control you, There was nothing that I wouldn't do, to keep myself around and close to you… I used to amuse you. But I knew that I'd lose you, Now you're here and begging for a chance, but there's no way in hell I'd take you back -Do you have an opinion ? A mind of your own? I thought you were special -I thought you should know. But I've run out of patience- I've run out of comments -I'm tired of the violence -I couldn't care less. I’m lookin for a new…" *See also Stupid Girl, if you’re into self-loathing.
7.Sleep to Dream-Fiona Apple Slow and funky, her voice purrs out the lyrics, “I tell you how I feel, but you don't care. I say tell me the truth, but you don't dare. You say love is a hell you cannot bear - and I say gimme mine back and then go there - for all I care. I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream. You got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem. This mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways--so don't forget what I told you, don't come around, I got my own hell to raise. I have never been so insulted in all my life, I could swallow the seas to wash down all this pride. First you run like a fool just to be at my side, and now you run like a fool, but you just run to hide, and I can't abide" *See also Shadowboxer
8. She Hates Me-Puddle Of Mudd - off their debut album (which rocks, by the way), Come Clean, this is another great one for the boys. Women will enjoy this song as it is about the very type of woman who ruins the good men for the rest of us! The guitar melody is soft, getting harder through the chorus. "Met a girl, thought she was grand- fell in love, found out first hand- went well for a week or two –then it all came unglued---in a trap, trip I can’t grip- never thought I’d be the one who’d slip –then I started, to realize, I was living one big lie –She fucking hates me! –trust- She f*cking hates me-la la la love-I tried too hard, and she tore my feelings like I had none-and ripped them away…"
9. You Oughtta Know- Alanis- Okay, THIS IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE. How could I NOT include this on an angry break up mix? If you’ve never heard this song before, then congratulations on getting out from under that rock! "I’m here- to remind you of the mess you left when you went away…" This song gave her a reputation of being angry and bitter. I think she was just a little angry and bitter when she wrote this particular song.
10. One Step Closer- Linkin Park is a bit more angry than in the end. Okay, it’s a lot more angry, actually. There’s a great bit toward the end where he just starts screaming “SHUT UP!SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!!!"- go ahead, scream along. You’ll feel better. Promise. Other similarly cathartic lyrics are: "I cannot take this anymore- I'm saying everything I've said before-All these word they make no sense, I find bliss in ignorance. Less I hear, the less you'll say. But you'll find out anyway-- Just like before-- Everything you say to me- takes me one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break! I need a little room to breathe, Cause I'm one step closer to the edge- And I'm about to break!"
11. Control- Poe- If you’ve never heard Poe, do yourself a favor and buy both of her cds, you won’t be disappointed. Control is definitely rock, but has a very smooth sound, "Surprised you to find that I’m laughing? You thought you would find me in tears? …you may be king for a moment, but I am a queen- understand? *See also Angry Johnny, Trigger Happy Jack, Not a Virgin
The Bottom Line Breaking up is hard to do, but I'd rather be angry than sad.
Before I met my current (and last, might I add), boyfriend, I had my fair share of slime slither toward and away from me. At the time, breaking up always seems as though it is the most painful thing you will ever go through. What gets me through such times of agony and woe? Music. I have complied, for your listening angst, mix of songs that will bolster you through these horrid hours. They are in no particular order, arrange as you see fit. I’ve tried to include songs from every genre, so there should be something for all sorts of miserable people here-I’ve also tried to include tracks for men as well as women. Enjoy! And remember- it’s all about the lyrics. I’m a freak- I always remember lyrics but these are down from memory, so don’t hesitate to correct me if I’ve grossly misquoted!
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