I believe that I would like to start off by offering my deepest condolences to the people of
Littleton, CO. A tragedy such as this one I believe no one should ever have to
experience. If there is any fund or aid started to help these people, I will surely support
it. My heart goes out to all the victims and their families. But at the same time, my heart
goes out to Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris for I believe that they are victims too.
Every time I hear a news anchor call these young men “killers” or “terrorists,” I
feel a twinge of pain and anger within myself. These people can’t fathom what these
boys must have been through. They could never understand the pain and frustration. Even
I don’t think I fully understand, for I was not a member of their Trench Coat Mafia, but I
belong to a group similar to that. The outcasts.
On interviews, I heard three young men from Columbine High admit that the boys
were outcasts. They knew little about the Trench Coat Mafia other than that they were
different, singled out and if I may make the basic assumption, not accepted. No one
wanted them. Although it may be a harsh word, I believe rejects would be an appropriate
description.
I myself am an outcast of some sort. So, since many people wonder what could
motivate these high schoolers to such violence, I would like to try and relate what some
of us experience. Although I can not vouch for white supremacy and Nazi like ways of
which they’re being accused, I believe I can still offer some kind of an insight.
It’s nearly impossible to portray what many of us feel in words. It’s indescribable
to those who haven’t experienced this...this thing. For simplicity’s sake, I will call this
cocktail of emotions the “Rage.”
The Rage is brought about through endless ridicule, rejection, teasing and even
abuse (both mental and physical) by peers and adults alike. All of these factors drive the
human mind to the edge. There is an immense fury and resentment that builds within
that is directed towards all of the people who’ve provoked these emotions.
It doesn’t improve as you get older either. You may find a group of your own, but you still have the rejection everywhere. You feel people’s eyes
following you at the mall if you dress differently. You notice how people will talk to you
differently and treat you in a different manner. There seems to be a tenseness when you
talk to someone who doesn’t know you. You just want to scream at them, “I don’t bite!
I’m a regular person too!” It just gets to be too much.
The Rage is dealt with in many different ways. Some fight, some scream, some
listen to music, some do drugs, and some just hold it all inside. So the music that we
listen to does not cause us to perform such acts of violence, but actually vents out the
Rage that does. It’s those that hold it inside that become dangerous, for you can’t hold
such a strong emotion forever. You lose control.
Obviously this Rage was out of control. It was held inside so long that it festered
and grew within their group until it became so large that it exploded. What truly scares me
is I see this Rage in my school...and myself. I fear the day that my friends and/or myself
lose our control over the Rage.
I can’t imagine such an outburst happening in my school or even a neighboring
district. I’ve heard so much about the events in Littleton “waking America up” so action
can be taken to prevent such disasters, but the fact is, you can’t. Sad, but true. People
who push and provoke the Rage don’t even realize it (and for those who do, I believe
they are truly the sick ones).
Many people believe that it’s just the students and their cliques that reject and
push around the outcasts, when in truth the teachers, counselors and other adults are just
as much to blame. Teachers tend to be just as cliquey with their classes as the students
are. They favor popular people and brutally single out rejects year after year.
Also, by now, this happens by choice. The outcasts don’t want to be accepted by
the preps and jocks. They can’t stand them. So it goes to say, the hatred is mutual.
If you understood most of what I’ve just said, then we’re past the point of no
return. All of the damage has been done for it happens when we’re very young. The
trauma that the outcasts have gone through is irreparable. What I’d be worried about
now is how many Trench Coat Mafia people are going to be killed now.
There is really not much that a parent can do for a child on either side. I give my
parents all the credit in the world because they did the only thing that could even
remotely help. They loved me for who I was. They let me be me and loved me no matter
what. It’s so easy to get guns and weapons these days without anyone knowing, I don’t
think that parents could have a fighting chance if their child decided to kill someone. I
don’t think it’s any use in being afraid either. If someone wants you dead, you’re history.
That’s the world that I live in. I don’t know what else we can do about it. We’ll
survive, we always have, and probably always will.
