Last Week - Tim explained things that are on his 
list of things to do when he arrives in Michigan.  
Among these are finding friends and a way to get 
out of the apartment.

A Side Note - Don't start smoking.  Ever.  If you 
start that means you're going to have to quit, and 
quitting sucks big rocks.  I've been on this quit 
thing for a few days now, and I've decided that I'm 
just torturing myself, even if it is for my own good.  
If you see me twitching on campus, it's okay, I'm 
fine.  Just throw a cigarette at me.  Everything will 
be okay.

Just when you thought the snow was here to stay, it's 
all starting to melt and make a muddy goo that covers 
the campus.  I don't like it at all.  I wish the weather 
would make up it's mind.  It's all slushy and impossible 
to walk anywhere without getting mud all over yourself.  
This morning, I walked out with a jacket and gloves and 
nearly passed out from the heat.  I thought it was 
supposed to be cold out here in November.  I'm 
disappointed.  (Yes, Tim is talking trash to Mother 
Nature.  Prepare for a blizzard as she attempts to 
spite him.)

For Thanksgiving, I'm heading in the opposite 
direction from my home for the holidays.  I'm originally 
from Albany, which last time I checked was east of 
Cortland.  So instead, I head out west to Dunkirk, 
which is about an hour south of Buffalo, so go have 
turkey and yummies at my girlfriend's house.  I'm a 
little nervous going there, as any person would be going 
to the significant other's parent's place.  To add to 
the stress I've promised myself not to smoke at all while 
I'm out there, which is normally my way to relieve stress.  
So, what am I going to do in order to keep my wits about 
me while I'm out there.

• I'm going for long walks.  Very long walks.  Maybe 
walk off a pier and right into Lake Erie.

• Sleeping in late and going to bed early.

• Talk a lot of trash to my girlfriend's little 
sister.

• Hide.

• Hold her hand really tightly, and try not to 
break it.

• Try and convince the whole family that I have 
several reasons to be twitching at the moment, and 
it's not because of the meal I just ate.

• Bite my fingernails and chew on pen caps.

• Shop with my girlfriend (well, that won't relieve 
stress, but at least it gets me out of the house).

• Chase around stray pets to give local families 
something else to be thankful for.

I'm now sick of making lists.  I've been making lists 
for the last three weeks, and where has that gone? 
Nowhere.  No one is laughing at me anymore. I've lost 
my edge.  I'm not funny anymore.

Next week is the last "Don't Read This" to be printed 
while I'm at SUNY Cortland.  So, while you're all home 
eating your turkey and watching football, give thanks 
that I'm your lovely columnist (save a little bit of 
turkey for me, I need cold turkey).