Last Week - VanDeWal busted up professional wrestling and 
NASCAR racing.  The sports editor vows revenge.

I just wanted to say hi to President Taylor, if he’s reading.  
How’s it going, boss?  Like the snow we got here in Cortland?  
How about getting some people to clean up a little?  I've got 
to go back to work soon.

This week, I decided to completely abandon what amounts to like
a third of the population of campus.  That’s right, I’m going 
to talk about just how stupid guys are.  I think I have a really 
good knowledge of being a stupid guy.  Twenty years of practice 
is a lot of good inside information.

I used to live in a suite in Casey, and it was the ultimate male
environment.  It was all about drinking and smoking and throwing 
darts around.  It was a place where your average guy could come 
and fit into nicely.  The TV was almost always on, and there was 
always someone there doing something.  I mean, there were girls 
up there and stuff, but mostly they just did the baby-sitting 
thing (buy us ashtrays, open windows, put up with our whining).  
That’s really sad.  I mean, exactly how welcome could a female 
be in that kind of situation.  If you're constantly getting darts
thrown at you, there’s really no comfort zone.

Guys do a ton of stuff that ultimately pisses off women.  I’d 
have to say that, number one on the list, is the constant 
attraction to video games.  I’ve never seen women get more pissed 
off than when the guys are completely absorbed in a nintendo game.  
I don’t know what it is, but most women seem to by genetically 
immune to the effects of playing video games.  It’s really not our
fault that video game play such a big part of our lives.  It’s an
activity that requires little movement, little thought, and a whole
bunch of time to waste.  It’s perfect for guys.  So, I’ll just
apologize to women for being stuck to the screen.  It’s my 
weakness.

Also, it seems that guys have absolutely no recollection of a
conversation.  I can be sitting there with my significant other, 
carrying on a conversation, and I won’t remember what I said five
minutes previous.  It's just gone.  I think it’s sometimes the 
stress of the conversation, sometimes the indifference to the 
conversation, and other times just plain stupidity.  Either way, 
it’s a sure fire way to get a woman pissed off.  Especially if 
it has to do with commitment and stuff, right?

We’re also stubborn and ignorant.  Come on guys, fess up, you 
won’t let her be right unless she catches you trying to show off 
and be really smart.  I got a hint for you guys - women’s brains 
are better.  They will win, they are right, they remember every 
little thing that you’ve ever done or told them, and it’s 
completely useless to put up a fight.  You’re only going to 
embarrass yourself.  So you might as well give up and get rid of 
the couch, or make dinner, or whatever other mess you got 
yourself into.

Guys are really insensitive, immature, and generally unaware of 
their surroundings.  For example, guys will get together and 
drink really bad beer and yell at the TV, and have no idea what 
else is going on around them.  Small rodents could be gnawing at 
their feet, and that would not affect the outcome of the evening 
in any way whatsoever.  

There is one thing that I have to say, though.  Women are 
perpetuating the cycle.  I’m serious.  If women would just 
ignore guys for a decent week, I think you’d see a major change 
in attitude of the male population on campus.  You’d see guys 
being a much nicer, understanding, and supportive bunch.  And it’s 
not like you’d be giving anything up for that week, anyway.  I 
mean, all we’re doing now is acting like jerks, anyway.

Now, I’m sure that guys have all moved onto the sports section
by now, so I’ll just get it out in the air - we’re really trying.  
It’s not that we’re just being completely ignorant all the time 
(though we do have our moments), it’s just that we’re not sure 
how to fully express ourselves around women.  It’s two totally
different worlds that are forced together.  When guys hang out, 
they do a lot of things that girls wouldn’t appreciate, and vice 
versa.  It’s hard for us to get it right every single time.  Every 
day is a new challenge for us, and we try to catch on (unless 
we're just being jerks on purpose, which can happen too).  We 
just have a different driving force every three seconds, and 
we're blind to "normally" obvious things.  It's a handicap that 
I live with every day.

Just don’t give up on us totally, please?  Pretty please?  With 
sugar on top?