So I'm innocently sitting in the office last week,
just kind of minding my own business building some 
ads for this very paper, when I get jumped by a rabid 
entertainment editor with a need to fill his section 
with more garbage.

Therefore, this column has come into existence, and 
with it my writing debut in the Dragon Chronicle.

Now, I'm not a normal worker down at this office.  I 
came down here just out of curiosity one night last 
year, and the next thing I knew I was sucked into this 
madhouse doing things that normally ended up looking 
stupid.  Last year's editor, Tim Volkmann, set me up 
doing the second page and the oh-so-successful classified 
ads.  He made the mistake of thinking that I had some kind 
of gift to give to the paper.  Now, there's a staff that 
has to put up with my useless mumbling, as well as anyone 
that has the unfortunate luck to be reading this.

In case you haven't noticed, I have absolutely no talent 
as a writer.  Don't ask me why I'm writing a column, cause 
I can't even begin to tell you.  So just stick with me as 
I try to chisel out this trash.

Everyone seems to be writing about being a freshman this 
week, and I have many memories of my first year here.  
However, it wasn't until recently when I realized how 
much of an annoying twerp I must have been.  I've noticed 
just how many people are running around this campus with 
several problems.  For example, they don't know where their 
class is, let alone how to get back to their room when 
they're done.  They have a hard time figuring out the meal 
points thing, which slows me down from paying my over 
inflated price everyday.

Oh yeah, another thing... they abduct people.

I'm not joking.  It happened to me.

Last week, I was innocently walking back to my humble 
suite in Towers, when I see two chicas sitting on the 
back steps of Hayes.  Now, I was minding my own business 
when they call me over with this classic pick-up line.

"Hey you!  Do you live in Towers?"

Now, I did orientation over the summer, where I saw 
many incoming freshman and transfer students, and 
tried to be very well mannered, and tried to help 
people out.  I guess I was still in that state of mind, 
cause I walked over there.

The next thing I know, these two freshman are coming 
up to my room to check out the "legendary" land of Towers.  
Apparently they had heard that it was the best place to 
live in the entire world, and just had to pick a stranger 
out of the darkness of the quad to hijack and follow 
home.

This is the kind of thing I'm talking about.  This could 
even happen to you.  You could be innocently minding your 
own business, walking home in the twilight hours, when a 
gang of freshman could demand to go home with you and see 
the wonder that is your dorm room.

I guess what I'm saying is be safe.  And if you see some 
people giving you bambi eyes from across the quad, just 
keep on walking.  They're just as lost as you are.