Jennifer entered the two-family apartment building for what, she had decided, would be her last time. She had visited Su Ling on four separate occasions and had made very little progress. Susan had challenged her, she knew, but Jennifer had finally come to the decision that she was not the right person for the assignment after all. Certainly, Su Ling’s foster mother was growing weary of Jennifer’s presence, despite her efforts of convincing her that she was there in Su Ling’s best interest.
Jennifer rang the doorbell, and waited until she saw Marie peek through the curtain in the window and then open the door.
"Hello, Mrs. Hart," Marie said flatly. "She’s in quite a mood today. I don’t think you’ll get anywhere."
Jennifer stepped in quietly, managing a weak smile. "How long is she going to stay with you, Marie?"
Marie brushed a strand of hair back and rolled her eyes. "Until DYS tells me what’s happening. This is all getting to be a pain in the butt, to tell you the truth. I get constant phone calls and media inquiries about her. She stays up in the bedroom all day. It’s just not working out."
"Are they going to have her testify about where she wants to go?"
"Yes…if she talks. I don’t think she knows what she wants to do."
Jennifer frowned. "Yes, I know. I had hoped that I would be able to get her to open up."
Marie snorted. "Mrs. Hart, no offense – I mean, you seem like a nice lady and all – but Su Ling needs her own people…not the U.S. government…or a magazine reporter."
Jennifer nodded humbly. "You think they should just send her back to China?"
Marie sat down at the kitchen table. "At first I thought she would be better off here – in a free country. Someone would definitely adopt her and she’d have everything she needed. But, now I’m not so sure. I guess freedom means different things to different people."
Jennifer climbed the stairs to Su Ling’s room and knocked on the door.
"It’s open," Su Ling said coldly, glancing at Jennifer.
Jennifer smiled at her despite the reception. Sitting by the window, Su Ling kept her back to Jennifer.
"Su Ling…I actually just came to say good-bye," she said tenderly.
Several moments of silence passed.
"Did you get what you wanted from me?" Su Ling said finally, a small smile shaping the corners of her mouth.
"I just wanted to hear what you wanted to say…so, no, I guess I didn’t," Jennifer conceded.
Su Ling’s smile dissolved. She turned and looked at Jennifer.
"What’s going to happen to me now?"
Jennifer could see the fear in her eyes - the eyes that had seen more than her twelve years.
Jennifer sighed. "I don’t know. There will be some kind of hearing in the next week. The judge will hear arguments for both sides."
Su Ling looked down at the floor. "Oh," she paused. "What are you going to write about?"
Jennifer thought about it. "I don’t really know for sure. My editor wants me to write about you as if you’re some kind of damaged goods – something that just got used in a game between your country and ours."
"Is that what you think?"
"No, Su Ling, that’s not what I think. I think you’re a stubborn, smart young lady who thinks I’m just like everybody else… and you’d just as soon see me get out of your life. And you know what? I respect you for that."
"You do?"
"Yes, I do," Jennifer said, extending her hand. "Thank you for letting me visit with you."
Su Ling placed her small hand in Jennifer’s and felt a gentle squeeze.
"Good-bye," Jennifer said, and turned to leave.
Su Ling sat at the window watching Jennifer Hart get into her car and turn out of the driveway. A tear rolled down her cheek and dissolved into the fabric of her sweater.
Jennifer drove directly to Jonathan’s office, crying most of the way. When she pulled into the Hart Industries’ parking garage, she was careful to dry her eyes and freshen up her make-up. Such was the life of a semi-public figure – at least at her husband’s corporate headquarters, where everything she said, did, and wore was the subject of lunchroom chatter. Numerous women in the company imitated her hairstyle, especially those that wanted to climb the corporate ladder, a fact that amused both she and Jonathan. Still, she was flattered and honored to have her husband’s employees’ admiration.
Jonathan’s heart quickened when he saw her coming down the hallway, but he knew instantly that she had been crying.
"Darling, come on in," he said, closing the door behind him. Deanne was barely able to wave a hello.
Jennifer came in and sat down, comforted to be in a private place. She felt raw and vulnerable from her emotional ride.
Jonathan pulled up a chair next to her and reached out to hold her hand.
"Are you all right?" he said, careful to tread lightly.
"Jonathan, let’s go away," she said, a sense of urgency in her voice.
It was a request he had been desiring for a long time, and yet, he could not help but notice the sadness in the corners of her eyes.
"Well, sure," he said, "where do you want to go?"
"Anywhere…far away."
Jonathan furrowed his eyebrow. "When? This weekend?" he asked, biting the inside of his cheek.
"As soon as you can break away," she said, her eyes pleading with him. "Please."
"Well, if you want to get away for a week or so, we’ll have to go next week, I’m afraid. I have some important meetings in the next few days."
"Can you leave here for the rest of today? Can we drive to the ocean or something?"
"Okay. Yes, I can do that," he said, still trying to decide whether it was the right thing to do. She seemed so anxious and labile. He wasn’t sure how she would react if he had said no.
He tipped her chin up so that their eyes met. "Jennifer, everything’s going to be all right," he said, comforting her as best he could.
"I hope so," she whispered.
The surf at Crescent Beach was pounding the coastal rocks, creating a rhythmic beat. Jonathan and Jennifer had taken off their shoes and socks, and rolled the cuffs of their pants, feeling the cool sand beneath their feet. Jennifer closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, feeling the saltwater sting her nostrils.
Jonathan put his arm around her shoulders, not knowing what to say or do. She turned to face him, waves of auburn hair dancing in the breeze.
"Thank you for taking me here," she said, trying to muster a smile. She didn’t want to alarm him.
"Did something happen today?" he finally asked.
Jennifer looked up toward the sky and laughed darkly. Jonathan winced at her reaction.
"I blew the story," she said. "Susan’s going to be disappointed… Su Ling wanted nothing to do with me – not that I can blame her. Why did I even agree to do this anyway?"
"It wasn’t your idea, Jennifer. You gave it a shot and it didn’t work out."
"I tried," Jennifer said, starting to cry, "I really did." She leaned into Jonathan’s chest sobbing.
Jonathan kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair. Jennifer pulled back and then leaned in to kiss him. She wanted to taste the salt off his lips and feel his strong hands around her waist. She felt a sudden desire to make love to him - to feel her husband drive himself into her, filling the emptiness inside.
Confused, Jonathan sensed her passion. "What do you want?" he asked, searching her eyes.
"I want you," she said with trembling lips, "to make love to me."
Jonathan squinted. "Here?"
She nodded.
He looked her squarely in the eye. "No. I don’t want to make love to you…"
Tears trickled down her cheeks, as she pulled herself away from him, wounded from his words.
"…not here…not now…not the way you feel," he finished.
Jennifer wrapped her arms around herself and looked away. "Take me home," she said quietly.
"Jennifer - "
"Just take me home," she said louder.
"I don’t know what to do, Max," Jonathan said, his head in his hands.
"I never seen the two of you so outa sorts," Max said, screwing up his face. "You want that I should talk to her?"
"I don’t think talking’s going to solve anything, Max. She talks to Dr. Kelleher every week and it doesn’t seem to help."
Suddenly the phone rang. Max sauntered into the kitchen to get it, while Jonathan sat sullenly on the sofa.
"Mr. H, it’s Susan. She needs to speak with Mrs. H – says it’s urgent."
"Aw, Max…she’s sleeping. I don’t want to wake her after the day we’ve had. Let me talk to her," he said, getting up.
"Susan, this is Jonathan. Jennifer’s resting. Can I take a message for her?"
"Jonathan," Susan said, sounding rushed, "there’s a crisis. Su Ling tried to kill herself this afternoon. She’s at Harrington Medical Center – tried to cut her wrists, but missed her major arteries, thank God."
"That’s awful. I’ll let Jennifer know," Jonathan said, not wanting to break this news to his wife.
"No, no. Listen – Su Ling is asking for Jennifer. She’s the only one she’ll talk to."
Jonathan exhaled loudly into the receiver. "Can’t this wait until tomorrow? I mean, I’m sure the hospital staff will keep her overnight."
"Jonathan, this may be our only opportunity. Please, tell her to meet me at Harrington in an hour."
"I’ll see what I can do," Jonathan sighed.
Jennifer stood outside Su Ling’s room. "Wait out here, darling," she said to Jonathan. He cast a concerned glance before giving in. "I’ll be fine, I promise," she assured him. The guard at the door nodded for her to enter.
Lying in bed, Su Ling looked up at Jennifer. Her long, black hair lay in stark contrast to the white sheets and linens swaddled around her.
"Mrs. Hart…" Su Ling whispered, her dark eyes filled with fear.
Jennifer sat down next to her on the bed and reached for her hand. It was ice cold.
"Are you in pain?" Jennifer asked, motioning to her wrist.
Su Ling picked up her arm and waved her tightly wrapped wrist. "No," she said, looking away.
"Su Ling, do you want to tell me about it?" Jennifer asked gently.
Su Ling paused. "Not for your magazine article," she said, her voice quivering.
"No…I want to know…as your friend," Jennifer said soothingly.
"Well, I’m so embarrassed," Su Ling began. "I was upset after you left today. I didn’t know what I was doing…I saw a razor in the medicine cabinet…" she said, her voice trailing off.
"Did you want to kill yourself?"
"I don’t know…I just wanted it all to end," she cried softly.
Jennifer stroked her small hand. The warmth was returning.
"It’s been awful for you, these past months. It would be awful for anyone, but especially for a little girl."
"I’m not a little girl," Su Ling said.
Jennifer smiled. "No…I meant, it’s a lot for a twelve-year-old to handle."
"I miss my mother," she whispered.
Jennifer’s face softened, surprised by this sudden admission. "I know you do."
"And my Daddy."
Jennifer nodded, tears springing to her eyes. She bent down and held the small child. Su Ling began sobbing.
"Do you believe in Heaven?" she asked through her tears.
Jennifer sniffled. "I certainly do."
They held each other in silence for several minutes.
"I know what I want to do," Su Ling said.
Jennifer looked at her, waiting.
"I want to go back home to Beijing, to see my cousins."
Jennifer smiled. "I’m very proud of you…making such an important decision. You must tell the judge that this is what you want."
"Thank you for being my friend, Mrs. Hart."
"I’ll always be your friend."
Jonathan darted from his seat when he saw Jennifer exit the hospital room. Susan followed on his footsteps.
"Darling, is everything all right?" he asked. He was relieved to see that she was smiling.
"Yes," Jennifer said, "yes, everything is all right."
"So? Did you get the story?" Susan blurted.
"Story? What story?"
"Oh, come on now, don’t keep me in suspense!" Susan cried.
"Would I do that to you?"
Jonathan smiled at his wife and slipped his arm around her. Jennifer smiled back at him – a smile he had not seen in months.
"Jennifer!" Susan cried out after them.
But they were oblivious to her, as they walked arm in arm to their car and headed home.
Susan shook her head and smiled.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jonathan said, seriously.
"Yes…if Su Ling can face her past, so can I," she said switching on the light.
They both descended the staircase to the familiar damp smell of the basement. There, stacked neatly, were the five boxes of Jennifer’s memories.
Jonathan pulled up two small stools and slid the first box in front of her. Cautiously, she pried open the top and folded back the cardboard flaps. Peering inside, Jennifer smiled broadly as her eyes gazed upon a tiny pair of ballet slippers. She picked up the delicate shoes and showed them to Jonathan.
"I’ll bet you were adorable in those," he smiled.
Jennifer reached in the box and pulled out a photo. It was Jennifer, dressed for ballet class with her mother standing proudly next to her. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. She could see her beautiful mother now, standing by the stage curtain, beaming at her.
Oh, Jenny…you dance beautifully!
Thank you, Mama.
I’m so proud of you.
"Why, Jennifer, what’s wrong?" Dr. Kelleher said, concerned.
"I did it!" Jennifer exclaimed, sitting down. She was so relieved that Dr. Kelleher could see her on such short notice.
"Did what?" Dr. Kelleher smiled, not having seen her client this animated.
"I went through the boxes – all of them…and I remember!"
Dr. Kelleher beamed at her. It was a remarkable accomplishment and she shared in her excitement.
"That’s wonderful. Tell me what you remember," she said, wanting to hear everything.
"I remember running in the fields behind our house and chasing butterflies. I remember the time when my mother dyed her hair blonde and my father went nuts! I remember the time my friend Bobby and I put a toad on our porch and how my mother screamed and chased it out with a broom!" Jennifer recalled, her eyes dancing.
Dr. Kelleher laughed heartily. "Tell me more!"
"I remember dance class and the beautiful tutu my mother bought me and how she watched me on stage and how beautiful I felt…and how proud she looked. And, I remember how she used to bake chocolate chip cookies and we would have them with milk together when my Pa was away on business trips…I remember the day she got her driver’s license and how she backed the car into the mailbox and how we laughed about that…
"I remember the day we sat on the grass on a hot summer afternoon and watched a ladybug crawl along a blade of grass…and I remember how I told her that I liked Harvey Simpson and asked when I could get married and she said when I was thirty-five!"
Dr. Kelleher laughed.
"And I remember when she and Pa bought me my first horse and how worried she was that I would hurt myself…and I remember how she told me how proud she was and that she always wanted to ride horses too, so my Pa and I got her up on one and it wouldn’t move. We were in hysterics! And I remember how she told me that I was special and when Harvey Simpson wanted Dora Gottlieb for a girlfriend, she said someday I would meet the man of my dreams who would love me forever…" Jennifer recalled, her voice growing softer.
"I remember that she called me Jenny…"
Jennifer looked at Dr. Kelleher, tears welling up in her eyes.
"And I remember the day she died…"
Dr. Kelleher got up from her chair and moved to the sofa beside Jennifer.
Jennifer took a deep breath. "My father came for me at school and told me there had been an accident," she said, the tears spilling over her cheeks. Dr. Kelleher put her arm around her.
"She was gone," Jennifer sobbed. "I never got to say good-bye."
Dr. Kelleher held her in her arms for what seemed like hours, while Jennifer grieved for the mother she had lost…and was now remembering.
Dr. Kelleher closed her file cabinet and turned when she heard the door open.
"What are you doing here so late?" she said, smiling at her husband.
"I was going to ask the same of you."
"Just finishing up some notes, that’s all…Jennifer Hart’s last session."
"You cured her that quickly?" he joked, but could tell by the expression on her face that she was not in the mood for a laugh.
"Very funny…actually, she had a major breakthrough on her own," Ann said, gathering her coat.
"So, you were right."
"Right about what?"
"She was bright, verbal, intuitive…and knew what she needed to do to get better," he said.
"All clients are like that," she lied.
Larry raised his eyebrow. They both laughed.
"Okay, not all," she conceded.
"So, that’s one more client finished. That leaves eight clients remaining?" he tested, helping her on with her coat.
"Well… actually, I got a call today from a young lady today who sounded quite distressed – having marital problems – situational, I’m sure. I agreed to see her."
Larry shook his head. "Am I ever going to retire with you?"
"Next year, I’m sure of it," she offered.
Larry groaned. "Can I get that in writing?" he said, and reached down to kiss her cheek.
Jonathan and Jennifer lay in bed, nestled between silk sheets. They had just enjoyed a bottle of Dom Perignon, compliments of Max, and were ready to begin their vacation on the beaches of the French Riviera together.
"Darling," Jennifer said softly, "remember when we were on the beach and you wouldn’t make love to me?"
Jonathan groaned. "Why are you bringing that up?"
"I’m just trying to process everything that I’ve been through. Dr. Kelleher says I should talk about it."
"Oh, great," he said, nuzzling her earlobe.
"Jonathan, I was very vulnerable at that moment. Why didn’t you satisfy me?" she pouted.
Jonathan’s warm lips made contact with the tender part of her neck, sending a shiver of excitement down her back. He continued kissing her while she spoke.
"Jonathan?"
"Huh?" he said, finally coming up for air.
"What are you doing?"
He looked at her eyes and her soft, pink lips, and then let his gaze wander down to the small indentation at the bottom of her neck, where he remained transfixed.
"I’m trying to make love to you."
"I don’t want to make love," she said.
He looked directly into her eyes. "What do you mean?"
"You heard me," a small smile forming on her lips.
"Is this because I wouldn’t..." he asked suspiciously.
"Oh, I’m not like that."
"Yes, you are."
"Jonathan!"
"All right, let’s go," he said, looking around the room
Jonathan got up out of bed and started taking his clothes out of the closet.
"Jonathan, what are you doing?"
"Here," he said, tossing her clothing onto the bed, "put these on. We’re going to the beach to make love."
"Jonathan! It’s the middle of the night. Get back into bed!"
"No," he said, zipping his pants, "we’ll do it your way. Come on, the beach is right outside the hotel. It’s a warm night. Let’s go."
Jennifer giggled and scooped up her clothes.
They stole away into the night, a sense of excitement following them. Jonathan found a small alcove with silky smooth sand and motioned for Jennifer to sit down.
"This is silly," she said, "but it is a beautiful night."
He sat down next to her, legs folded beneath him. They both looked up at the starry night.
"I know I say this a lot, but I really do love you," Jonathan said softly.
Jennifer turned to him and smiled. "I never get tired of hearing it."
"You had me scared these past several weeks."
Jennifer gave him a pained look. "I know," she said, brushing her fingertips against his cheek. "I scared myself."
Jonathan leaned over her and kissed her passionately. She responded, letting her lips part easily and feeling his tongue explore the warmth of her mouth. They easily stripped off their clothes and held each other closely. Swiftly, Jonathan slipped himself between her legs, longing to be inside her. Her warmth embraced him.
The gentle sound of waves lapping the water’s edge set the rhythm to the Hart’s lovemaking. Jennifer’s cries of pleasure propelled Jonathan forward into the depths of her womanhood, making him ache for release. Wanting to prolong the joy of being so close to her, he withdrew to catch his breath and slow down his pace.
Jennifer grabbed his torso closer, craving to feel him inside, but Jonathan pulled away gently.
"Jennifer," he whispered hoarsely, just wanting to hear the sound of her name curl around his lips.
"Darling," she whispered back, letting the word roll off her lips and be swept away with the warm ocean breeze.
Jonathan sat up and looked at his wife’s silhouette in the moonlight. He reached out and ran his fingertips along her neck and over her breasts, watching her swollen nipples harden at his touch. Slowly, he bent forward, parting his lips, and taking her nipple into his warm mouth. The feeling of Jonathan’s hot breath on her tender skin made her arch her back and reach for him.
He continued to suck on her tender nipple, drawing it out further, until he heard her whimper in delicious agony. Sweeping his other hand down her belly, his fingers delved into her wet cavern, stroking their way inward. Jennifer’s hips rose to meet the force of his hand. Knowing that she could not be satisfied this way, Jonathan lay on top of her, careful to suspend his weight. Gently, he pushed her soft thighs apart and guided himself inside her until he could go no further. Jennifer wrapped her legs around him, enjoying the feel of his weight rocking against her.
She clutched his head and turned his gaze away from her breasts, so that they were eye-to-eye. Leaning in to him, she opened her mouth, beckoning him to meet her lips. Jonathan sealed his mouth over hers and together they erupted in a pleasure they would remember for a long time to come.
