It was May 23, 1997 when I found out that I was pregnant. I was already in my seventh month. I had a thyroidectomy 10 years ago, and have had irregular periods sometimes. I did not have any signs of pregnancy. My husband, John and I were supposed to be married on October 4, 1997, but when we found out that I was pregnant, we got married on June 14, 1997 without our friends or family present. The most important thing at the time was to get married before the baby was born.

Our first sonagram was on June 2, 1997. The baby was healthy, and they thought he'd be more than average in weight. We found out that day that it was a boy. That day, we named him after our fathers Gerald (Jerry) and Joseph-- we called him "J.J."

We took some of the loan that we were going to use for our wedding, and bought a lot of things for the baby. We didn't even bother with a baby shower.

Everything was going fine. On July 14, 1997, we went for our regular visit, and we listened to his heartbeat. On July 21, we went for our next visit, and they couldn't find any heartbeat. They sent us to the hospital to have a sonagram. At the hospital, we saw the outline of J.J. on the monitor. At first, I thought that the doctor said everything was o.k., but then she said, "I'm so sorry." I burst into tears, and kept asking, "What did I do wrong?" At that moment my OB/GYN walked in. Immediately he hugged me. He had been through a similar thing -- his baby died just a few hours after he was born. John and I called our parents and the priest from our church. They were all there within minutes.

As I sat alone in the birthing room, I could swear I felt kicking (it must have been when I moved, the baby also moved). I won't include all of the details of the hospital stay, but it turns out that I ended up going through induced labor with virtually no pain medication. The epidural didn't work, and I now suffer from constant back pain. We were able to hold him, and see him, but never heard him cry. He was absolutely beautiful. He weighed 5lbs. 9oz (smaller than expected and they think this and his death were the result of the thyroid imbalance in both of our systems).

We had a beautiful memorial service for J.J. at the cemetery on July 26, 1997 -- it was a beautiful summer day. It was also very sad. I'll never forget it.