I walked with Paul back to his house. The entire time we walked, all I could think about was John. All my thoughts were focused upon him. I didn't want him going off somewhere where he could get hurt. I was so worried about other people hurting him, but what was worse, in his anger, he could hurt others or himself ... I wanted to go find him ...

And yet, the resolution to go find him seemed to lose its luster. Now I wasn't sure if I should go find him, or have him come back to me.

Who would give in first ... which sibling would give in first ... It should be me, I know it, but ...

If I didn't go find him, would he know that I was sorry for what I did ...?

I didn't know what to do. I didn't tell Paul about my predicament because his solution would be to wait for John to return. But there was that risk; what if John didn't come back at all? Did I want to take that chance?

No, of course not, I quickly, almost impulsively thought. But then again, what if I did ...?

I decided that I would come to a decision about the matter after I left Paul's house. At least, I hoped I would be able to come to a decision. Until then, I just showed I was taking it perfectly fine as if nothing was wrong, even if inside myself, it felt rather cloudy and uncertain.

Paul's house was silent and dark except for a dim light that shown through the living room window.

"Paul, is your dad or brother awake now?" I asked.

"I don't know, luv, probably not though, since me dad and Mike go to bed early. Usually Dad leaves on a nightlight downstairs. Yeh, that light's the nightlight, I think."

I nodded in response as we approached the house. Paul unlocked the door. We sneaked in quietly so as not to wake anyone. Paul closed the door and locked it after we were both in the house.

"See? There's the nightlight," Paul said. It was rather dark, but from the glowing light, I could see he was pointing to it.

"Yeah, you're right. Whew, c'mon, we have to take care of your eye now," I told him.

"Right. Let me just turn on the lights. If they're upstairs, the light down 'ere won't bother them." Paul turned on the lights. I saw that his left eye was still swollen and dark, and a pang hit my heart. He didn't have to have that black eye if only John didn't ... if he ... if I ... It was so frustrating that I didn't do anything to stop him from hurting Paul ...

Just then, Paul smiled at me. I think he knew I kept looking at his eye. His sweet smile, showing me that everything was going to be all right, cheered me up a bit.

What we saw next surprised us. Paul even did a double take.

As we looked around the room, our eyes landed on the couch, and on the couch was Mike, Paul's little brother, sleeping peacefully on it. Around him on the floor were poster paper, construction paper, scribbled notes, markers, scissors, rulers, and a history book. I remembered Mr. McCartney told me Mike had to work on a history project with his friends, and I guessed he brought home what he had to finish.

Paul and I looked at each other, and we both smiled. I asked, "Are you going to wake him up so he can sleep in his bed?"

"No, I'm gonna leave 'im 'ere. Well, after I take all his history stuff and hide it in me room first. I'd love to see his face when he thinks he lost all of his work! Then I could use his book as a doorstop, then--"

"Paul, c'mon, I'm serious," I told him, giving him a look, but he knew I wasn't admonishing him.

"Okay, but you wake 'im up. If I wake him up, he'll throw a fit just because I specifically woke him up," Paul said.

"Sure, I'll do it then," I answered. Paul and I walked over to the couch. I knelt down, and shook the thirteen-year-old boy gently and whispered, "Mike? C'mon, wake up, Mike. You'll sleep better in your bed."

"Hm? Oh, hi, Paulina ..." Mike said sleepily but with a smile. "Are you all right? ... You look kinda down."

"Yes, I'm fine, Mike. Thanks," I replied. "What about you? 'Worked hard on history then?"

"Hmm mm," he said. "I'm so tired ..."

"Get up so we can take ya to bed then, Mikey," Paul said, helping his brother up.

"Oh, so what did ... you do ... this time, Paul?" Mike asked after noticing Paul's black eye. "'Ran into ... another door ... just like last time?"

"You just belt it, or I'm gonna give ya one of these meself," Paul teased, pointing to his eye.

"Great ... we can be identical twins ... Oh, wait ... not good, not a good idea ... 'wouldn't want two of you ... especially with your brains ..." Mike said softly yet laughingly. Paul rolled his eyes then scruffed up his brother's hair. He and I then walked Mike to his bedroom and helped him into bed.

"Good night, little Mike," said Paul, about to walk out of the room.

"'Don't call me 'lit'le,'" Mike answered.

"Sleep well, Mike. Sweet dreams," I said to him.

Mike nodded to the both of us, and said after a yawn, "Good night, and thanks again ... I'll see ya later, Paulina, and unfortunately, you too, Paul ..."

Paul playfully and conceitedly stuck his nose up in the air, but then laughed at the end. It was rather cute seeing their carefree relationship, and it got me thinking 'bout my relationship with my own brother. It used to be perfect ... now where was it going ...? I was still trying to come up with a solution to my problem while at the same time actively participating in the present.

After Paul and I went back downstairs, we fixed his injured eye up a bit, putting a homemade ice pack on it. He sat down in a chair and held the cold pack on his eye while I gathered my belongings, like my math homework and binder, then I realized something.

"Oh no, I don't have your drawing!" I lamented. "After all that, things just 'ad to get worse, didn't they?"

"Aw, luv, don't look at it that way," Paul comforted. "It's only a drawing. You can do another one later. I don't mind."

"But I don't like the idea of just losing it just like that though. I worked so hard on it! Where could it have gone? Where can it be?"

"'Worry about that later, Paulina. I'll help you look for it t'morrow. It's already late now, and you should be headin' home. 'Wouldn't want your Aunt Mimi scolding you for comin' home late."

I glanced at the clock. It was nearly 10:30. "Yeah, I should be gettin' home. Here, Paul, you can have your jacket back. Thank you." I took off his jacket and handed it back to him.

"Are you sure you're done using it, luv? It's still rather cold outside. You can always give it back to me later--"

"No, no, I'm fine, Paul," I told him sincerely. He took back his jacket and sat down on his couch. "What about you and your eye? Will you be okay?" I asked him.

"Don't worry about me, luv! You know I'm all right," Paul answered back with a smile. I nodded. My heart was still heavy though, after seeing Paul's eye and recalling the moments of my argument with John.

I said goodbye to Paul, and just as I was about to step out of the door-

"Paulina?" Paul called out, but he didn't get up. "John will be back, I know. I don't want you to worry. He'll come back."

"Thank you, Paul, for the kind words," I told him with a small smile. "I hope he does."

He nodded. "I'll see ya tomorrow, luv. Good night, and have sweet dreams, okay?" With his hand, he motioned toward the door, indicating to me that it was okay for me to go. He could take care of himself now. So I took his advice, wished him good night, then closed the door behind me.

Now what? I just stood there on Paul's porch, outside his house, and I didn't have a solution. Look for him, don't look for him ... I needed an answer, another opinion, but I really did not want to bring anyone else into this picture. It was too complicated.

But what if I did ask them, and their advice helped me? It was worth the shot. I could ask Ryoka, my best friend from school, for help, but the only thing was she didn't know Paul very well, so she couldn't see the entire picture if I told her about what happened. As I said before, Ryoka is my best friend from school, but I'll talk about her later.

Then something clicked. I had an idea ... I didn't want to bring him in this whole mess, but he was the only one who could perhaps help me.

~~~***~~~

I waited at the door a bit nervously. The house was brighter and more inviting than Paul's. I just hoped it was okay to come at this hour.

The door opened, and there stood Mrs. Harrison. She was a kind, warmhearted, outgoing woman who always helped me if I needed it. I really hoped she would understand why I was there at all.

"Paulina? Oh, my, what are you doing here so late, dear? You look like something's bothering you. Is everything all right?"

"Well, almost all right, Mrs. Harrison," I told her. "I apologize for coming at this hour--"

"No need to apologize if things aren't well. Does your Aunt Mimi know about this? Are she and John all right?"

"Auntie doesn't know I'm here, but she's fine. It's just ... I need to speak to George, please, if I can. If I can't, then I fully understand."

"It is rather late now though, Paulina," Mrs. Harrison said, thinking about it. "But I believe George is awake now. Something that bad happened then?"

"You could somewhat say that," I replied softly. "I just need to talk to a friend about it."

"Come in then, dear," she said to me. I thanked her, and went in the house. "George is upstairs. I'll go get him while you wait down here."

"Oh, thank you so much," I answered. A few seconds later, George quickly came downstairs. He was still wearing his leather attire.

"Paulina! Oh my gosh, are you okay?" he asked me.

"Thank you, George, thank you," I said sincerely. "I hope I'm not interrupting whatever you were doing."

"Nothing really important, actually. Sit down here with me," he said, taking a seat at a small, round table with a white tablecloth. I also took a seat, and as I saw Mrs. Harrison come downstairs, I thanked her again.

"What seems to be troubling you, luv? Me mum said something happened, but she didn't tell me what."

"I ... I didn't tell her what happened. But I feel bad about tellin' you all this though, bringing you all my troubles and putting them on your shoulders."

"I don't mind as long as I'm helpin' out a friend," he said with a smile. "You needed to talk to a friend, so here I am. Now, what did you need to tell me?"

After a brief pause, I told him everything that happened. I told him about the homework, the drawing, the kiss, John, Paul ... It felt like a burden was lifted from my shoulders. The only thing weighing me down now was I was stuck and didn't know which way to turn. George listened attentively, carefully, and gave the occasional nod.

"Whew, lots of things went on tonight," George said after I was done telling him about what happened.

"But what should I do? Paul said to wait for John to come back, but what if he doesn't?" I asked sadly.

"If you ask me ... Hm, what would I do? Well, I personally would go out lookin' fer 'im. 'Better to go looking for him than to wait around and seem like you don't care 'bout what he's feeling. Also, you took the time to find and apologize to him first, which would show that you understand that what you did was wrong. But that's just my opinion, after all," he finished.

"I thought of those reasons too. I would find him first for the same reasons you gave."

"Great minds think alike, Paulina," George said with a smile. "I'm glad I helped you out a bit."

"Oh, you helped me out more than just a bit, George. Thank you again."

"Not a problem. Don't look so down, now, luv, cheer up. I know everything will work out. You know what to do."

"Just one more thing, George," I said quickly. "Please, don't tell anyone about this. Don't tell anyone I told you, please. I don't know how Paul and John feel about you knowing about it, but I can trust you, right?"

"I won't tell a soul. Besides, I wouldn't know who to tell," he told me. "I hope you can find John and that you two can be the happy brother and sister I always see."

"Thanks, thanks for everything, George. I'll see you later. Please thank your mum for me again. Good night, and don't go to sleep late," I added smiling.

Soon I was back on my own. I left George's house and was now walking toward my own house. The vote now, two to one, was to go find John. I thought I might as well go home first since Auntie would be worried about me. Maybe John would be at home, even though I knew he wouldn't be. It was already late, so looking for him now wouldn't prove effective. I just hoped I still had time if I went to look for him in the morning ...

~~~***~~~

At Mendips, I quietly entered the house, which was as dark as Paul's, but in one room, I could see a bright light was on. Aunt Mimi was probably awake in the next room around the corner. I had to go and tell her I was home, as late as it was, so she could know I even came back home that night.

"Auntie?" I said cautiously as I stood in the doorway to the room she was in, which was the smaller living room. "Auntie, I'm home now--"

"Where have you been, young lady? You were to be back home almost two hours ago!"

"But--"

"No excuses. Come here right now," Aunt Mimi told me sternly. I walked sadly and silently over to where she was sitting.

"I--I'm sorry ..." I apologized softly. I felt like I apologized to someone at least a million times already, and here I was doing it again.

"You had me worried sick! You don't come back home on time, and you were with a boy I hardly approve of!" Aunt Mimi scolded me.

I was pushed into despair. "But, Auntie, please, I've never been late before, not ever. Please, this is the first and last time it's going to happen. Please ..."

"It's all between you, John, and Paul, isn't it?"

I was shocked when I heard that. Wait, how could she have known ...? There was no way ...

"What gave you that idea, Auntie?" I asked, becoming more curious than depressed.

"I'm your own aunt, Paulina. I can tell. Your brother sneaked into the house about half an hour ago, despite the fact that he was supposed to be at school. I pretended I didn't notice, since I was busy cleaning."

"You know, um, I mean, knew that he sneaked in? He's here?"

"He does it all the time, I know. I've talked to him before, or rather, tried to talk to him about not doing it anymore, but I've found it hopeless. Out of the love he has for you, he does it. 'Risks the consequences and punishments if he's caught, but does it anyway for you."

"Oh, Auntie ..."

"This time though, I could tell he was angry about something. It's just a feeling I had. I've raised you two long enough to know when something is bothering the two of you."

"John ... Oh, my, I--" I could hardly speak.

"What else can I conclude? You went to Paul's house, and all of a sudden, John sneaks in for the second time today. You come in late, looking downcast, dejected. However, this talking to you is not doing any good. Your brother loves you. He truly does, my dear."

"I know, I know that, Auntie. I love him with all my heart."

"And now he's probably in your room, waiting for you. Whatever you did to upset him, you have to make it right. This is not between you and me; it is between you and John. You only upset me by coming home late. I know you won't do it again, knowing you, Paulina. I'm only grateful you came back safe."

I nodded sadly in response. It was amazing how she knew what went on, or had some basic idea of what happened.

"You have to sort things out with John. He's waiting. He is probably upset because he's concerned for you. He loves you more than life itself. He has told me that more than once. And you know perfectly well that John isn't one to share his feelings, especially not with me."

Again, I was speechless, but I was thankful she said those words. She understood what I was basically going through, what both John and I were going through, even if she didn't know the specific circumstances. So I trudged up the stairs, heart still heavy, and opened the door to my room.

The silence could have killed me. It was dead quiet. And dark, which made it worse. I was scared, although this was my own room. Also, the idea that John was in my room, waiting the whole time, in the dark, scared me. Quickly to get rid of my fear, I turned on my lights.

My heart literally jumped up to the back of my throat. I put my book and papers on the bed without deviating my eyes from the eyes that were fixed upon me.

John ....

I was numb. His stare was paralyzing. He was sitting in the far corner from my door, sitting backwards in my desk chair, his crossed arms resting on the backrest. I couldn't speak again. All the time, he was here. My search for him hadn't even begun. It didn't need to. He was already here.

What now ...?

"You're here. Finally," John said coldly. A chill ran up my spine.

"John, please, we have to talk--"

"Again?"

"Yes, we do," I told him. "About what happened ..." I walked and knelt down beside him. "I'm sorry for what I did. I shouldn't have gone off with him alone like that. Even after you told me not to, I still did it, not knowing if anything was going to happen. I didn't know, I didn't foresee, and I should have. Please, John, you know I didn't want to hurt you ..."

John didn't say anything. I went on explaining.

"But I know that what I did was wrong. Paul and I don't want a relationship, just a friendship, like we've always had anyway. We know that now. All we did was kiss, nothing else. That's the truth there. I don't want you jumping to conclusions that we did anything else. I know you were worried about that, but nothing else happened, and nothing else ever will, John. I promise."

John turned to look at me, his cold stare wasn't so cold now; it was a bit softer, but still rather stoic.

"I know you're sorry about that, all that," John said. "And ... I'm sorry I assumed the wrong thing and that I just lost it, lost control. I gave it a lot of thought while I was waitin' for you here. I know you're older now, can take care of yourself better now, and I should've understood that, Pearl. You're a smart girl, a good girl, and I know you wouldn't endanger yourself on purpose."

It was so nice to hear him affectionately call me 'Pearl' again. I felt so much better now, since we began to clear up the clouds between us.

"John, I know you only did it to protect me. Thank you. You know I need you to guide me a bit at least. I don't want you to go. I was devastated when you left. I thought I lost you ..."

"You'd never lose me, Pearl. I only disappeared and went away since I felt you didn't need me. You didn't need a brother anymore."

"Oh, John, you know you always have a special place in my heart. You're my brother, and I'll always need you. How can get through anything without you being with me?" I said smiling.

"I'm sorry I misunderstood. I should have listened to you in the first place. I'm so sorry I lost it. Right after it, I knew I shouldn't have done that, hurting you and Paul. I'm sorry that I made you cry. I feel terrible about it ..."

"Don't do that, John. You only did what you thought was right in your heart, and you did have the right to be angry. I understand that. It's over now, and we can put it behind us, right?"

"All's forgiven, Pearl. It's so good to be back home with my sister ..." John said. I got up and we both shared a hug. "Oh, Pearl, I almost forgot," John said, letting me go for a bit. "Here's your drawing of Paul."

It really was my drawing! "Oh, thank you, John! I was looking all over for it!"

"I was going to tear it to pieces just to teach you a lesson, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I realized that it wasn't right; it wasn't going to solve anything. So I'm giving it back to show you that you can trust me, and I want to be sure that I can trust you in return."

"John, you don't have to worry about that anymore. I would never do that again. I don't want to bring you pain again. No more lying to you, not ever. Trust me," I added with a smile. John smiled back in return, and we shared another loving hug.

Everything was now all right. No more misunderstanding, no more dishonesty, no more tears. Something good actually did come of our little conflict. Our brother-sister relationship grew stronger, bound us closer together. If I didn't have my brother, I'd be lost ... I'm so thankful for John. He is the constant brother I can always rely on for guidance, love, everything. He's the best brother in the entire world, I wouldn't trade him for anyone else, and I know that we will always have this loving bond so nothing could separate us ever again.

On to Chapter 10

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