|
I just had the weirdest evening. I was bored all day, so when I heard that there was going to be a person giving "Spritual readings" in the lounge outside my bedroom... I figured I'd go. And so did everyone else I live with, basically. And this really weird lady was standing in there setting up and she started her intro speech with the sentence, "I was born psychic."
And I thought, "what the hell have I gotten myself into" ...and I tried not to laugh. But then, she started going into the powers of the spiritual world, and I of course was sitting there thinking she sounded like a crackpot, until she started talking about affirmations. She said something to the general effect of, "If you lie in bed at night a few minutes before you go to sleep and kind of say to yourself a problem that you need to resolve, after a couple nights you'll wake up and it'll be gone." ...and she went into some explanation of how that's because you tapped into the spiritual realm, and I wasn't really listening, but I can at least agree with the fact that that works. I don't care why. After her speech, she went around the room, and the person sitting next to you had to name an animal they thought you were like, and she read the characteristics of the animal. Basically, I think she was trying to learn what we're like before telling us what we're like. And so she got to me, and Sara R. said, I know you m. and you're a mouse. And so she read mouse. And at first I didn't think it sounded much like me at all, until she said "you tend to scrutinize everything, yourself and others" and I was amazed to hear other people say yes even louder than I said it. I know how I see myself, the way other people see me is fascinating. They agreed, I scrutinize. And we were getting over that, when she said, "The thing about mice is, they tend to not leave their den except for food." And everyone started laughing and clapping and I turned beet red and I could not stop laughing. Okay, so I know I do that. I was just more than a little bit embarassed to realize that everyone else knows it too. She went around after that, saying mildly revealing things about people, and then did animal card readings (no, I don't know what they were really called. They weren't tarot cards, but it was the same idea- the cards in different positions mean different things. Only these cards were all animals.) The more I think about it, the more convinced I am anyone could've done what she did. She came in, and she gave us a choice- describe yourselves or have your friends describe you. Either way, she got to see how everyone else reacted to the description and she learned a lot about each person's personality. And then she went through with these cards and, for example, I got a turtle. and she said, "you don't have many space cadet days, do you?" ...and she alternated between saying really generic ("You should connect with mother earth") things and things she learned when she had other people describe me. I tried to tell someone else that, and she just said, "Yeah, but she said I had a green aura and that I was having 'heart issues'" ...and she then proceeded to tell me all of her "heart issues" that made that true. And I thought to myself, she could've told anyone in the room that they had "heart issues" and they all would've agreed with that. For me, the most interesting thing, by far, was listening to other people react to my "reading." Besides the fact that they got an enormous kick out of hearing her say I never leave my room ("That's her!" "She only leaves for sustenance!" "She's surgically attached to her computer!") ...when she said I don't have many space cadet days, Sara (the same one who described me as a mouse) piped up and said, "not with that music she listens to in there." And then she went on to say something bizarre about diving into the void of knowledge and bringing answers into the light, and she said something about me spending a lot of time in the dark of the void, and Tracy, the RA, said, "She's nodding." (I didn't think I was nodding, but okay.) and Erin said, "Ani's the void." And I think that's the most interesting thing anyone's ever said about me. Well, it's close anyway. They always laugh when I say ani keeps me sane. And I'm always surprised, because it isn't a joke. But in any event, I've definitely got the point across that ani's important. I think I will never cease to be fascinated by what people think of me. I know very well what I think of myself. But what other people think of me is very foreign. It's not like I can go up to them and say, "Describe me." ...I kind of have to take it where I can get it. And what really amazes me, is that Sara knows me enough to say that I'm a mouse. She's done that before, her mom apparently has the same book. And when the time came, she told me what animal to say she was, because she'd looked at the book. And there are a lot of animals that I could've been. Both bears and turtles have traits that are a lot like me, and I'm sure there's something like me in about half of them, since it seemed to me half of them were introverts and half extroverts. (I would have something in common with the introvert half.) But Sara has fascinated me ever since I moved in here. Nobody here understands me, because I won't tell them enough so that they have a chance. But I think she is the only one really capable of understanding me, and I can't quite figure out why that is. We are so incredibly different, in almost every single way. She has more boyfriends than she can deal with, she's the most not-shy person I've ever met, she's confidant... to put it mildly, she intimidates me. She's older, too, she's 21. And the first time I was really alone with her, I decided she is the most sophisticated person I have ever met. I'm not really sure how to define that, except to say that she has the ability to make me feel comfortable around her, and she can care sincerely without sounding hokey. Really, how old do you have to be to say, "hon" convincingly? As in, she calls you to open the door for her, and then says, "thanks hon." How is that possible? She's not that much older than me. And I can not even imagine saying "hon" sincerely. The point is that we are complete opposites... except for music. She is probably the only person who relates to music the way that I do in even a small measure. And it's the same music. Not Ani, so much, although she likes her more than the others do. And I showed her the video for Sarah McLachlan's Good Enough (It's on the freedom sessions enhanced cd.) and it had the same effect on her. Now, I firmly believe that the music I listen to tells anyone who cares to find out a whole lot about the inside me. And if the same song has the same effect on someone I would've considered my opposite, what does that mean? I've thought about this way too much, and I think it means that we are almost exactly alike, except she has confidence and social skills. And I think more than anything I'm flattered that she can look at me and say, "I know you m, and you're a mouse." Next topic: The other thing I noticed: not one person at that "spiritual reading" called me Sarah. They all called me by my last name, every single time. As in, "That last statement about m. really clinched it. The one that said she never leaves her room." The really funny thing? I do leave my room. Today, for example, I took a walk for an hour and a half. It was the first time I'd ever really walked through a neighborhood in nice weather where people are outside. It was interesting. They just weren't up yet to see me. And I also can't remember the last time Sara left her room to do something other than eat or go to class or go home. But they all still seemed to think that fit me perfectly, in a way that implied it didn't fit anyone else. And this is more than a little abrupt, but my mind wandered and now I can't remember where I was going with this, if I was going anywhere. I am off to attempt to read Aristotle... although I just noticed that it's after midnight, and I'm not at all sure how that happened. Maybe I'll just pretend I read Aristotle and go to bed instead. Either way, I'm leaving. ~me |