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I don't think I have anything to say, but I think I'm going to say it anyway. Today I went through all my clothes and piled up the ones I was talking about yesterday, the ones that didn't even really fit when I bought them, into a pile for Rene to go through. After she takes what she wants I'll take anything that's left to the Salvation Army (the only thrift store around here) but then Rene usually takes all of it and if there's anything she doesn't want she passes it on to one of her friends... I think. I don't really know, I just know she seems to take all the clothes I don't want. Which is really a lot of clothes because I have so much stuff in my closet that just doesn't fit any more and I'm real slow to admit it.
I think I'm spending too much time on the internet lately. The last time I was seriously depressed followed a period where I was on the internet (well, AOL.) everyday in chat rooms and such. And I'm not sure there's any connection between the two, but there could be. And I've noticed the more I get into the whole ICQ thing the stranger I feel. And by stranger I mean more depressed. And I don't understand it. I don't know why chatting with someone on the internet would make me feel depressed. ...the only thing I can think of is on the internet, because of how anonymous it is and whatnot, I get closer to talking about my feelings and my past that I do any place else. And truth is I don't want to talk about here. Not now, anyway. It's 3:21am, and I'm tired. I was up fairly early today... I spent the day on the computer and reading, then I went to the library and did my take home test... brought my dad home and we watched all the cool channels we just got cuz my mom *had* to have HBO for when Jerry Seinfeld does his live standup thing, and it came with 7 "choice channels" including comedy central which I have wanted for ages. So me and my dad watched Quantum Leap on the sci fi channel (we used to watch it together when I was little...) and then me and my mom watched most of First Wives club on HBO, even though we'd both seen it before, and then I claimed control and got my mom to watch Paula Poundstone do standup (She's one of my all time favorites...) and my mom even admitted she was pretty funny. (usually, for my mom, Jerry Seinfeld is the be all and end all of stand up comedians. No one else comes close.) and then we watched South Park which even Ani talks about, but I had never seen before. (I thought it had it's moments...) and then I came on here and left my mom to flipping through all her new channels. So Ani has this new song on this one bootleg I'm listening to and It's an incredible song, but I'm having trouble decifering it. I don't know what it means. So I'm gonna write down all the lyrics here, as I hear them, and see what I can figure out.... and my mom against the world and all my sympathies were with her when I was a little girl But now I've seen both my parents Play out the hands they were dealt and as each year goes by I wonder how my father must've felt and I just want you to understand that I know what all the fighting was for and I just want you to understand that I'm not angry anymore No I, I, I'm not angry anymore Yeah she taught me how to wage cold war with quiet charm But I just want to walk through my life unarmed To accept and just get by like my father learned to do Oh I know (it was?) the acceptance and getting by that got my father through Oh I just want you to understand that I know what all the fighting was for Oh I just want you to understand That I'm not angry anymore Oh I, I'm not angry anymore I think maybe ani's getting tired, and I think maybe she wishes she could quit. I don't think she can, I think it's a calling, but I think she wishes she could. Also in that song I'm very confused about the "I know what all the fighting was for" because I don't know what all the fighting was for, and I can't decide if I'm supposed to know or if it's just kinda a personal message to her parents, or what's up. It's weird. But I love that song. I love when she says it was just her and her mom against the world, which is really not something I can relate to, but the way she says it is very cool in a way I can't describe. And I love when she says "and she taught me how to wage cold war with quiet charm," because that is so cool and I really wish someone would teach me. My wars do not involve charm. I ignore things, and I ignore them, and then all of a sudden I'm too angry to ignore any more. And things rarely get accomplished that way. I think I need to start a "random ani facts" page. I know so much bizarre stuff. Like she's called Jerry Springer "the anti-christ" and she never went to Disneyland when she was a kid and on and on and on... Maybe I'll look into that tomorrow. Right now, I'd better go to bed, because I have to mow the lawn tomorrow before my class. cuz there's still some honest work left for bearded ladies but it's not the same going town to town now that they've put everyone in jail except the Cleavers and the Bradys ani, new song, "Tiz of Thee" |