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Hi. There's almost too much to say to say anything at all. I have been so busy lately. My "at least ten pages" term-paper turned into 13 and I'm still not done and it's due tomorrow. And I have this huge group project thingy in another one of my classes that's just stupid. And I have five finals during finals week and it might just be enough to drive me insane. I can't not study. I could probably get B's without studying any extra... just reading like I do and remembering the stuff I already studied... but I can't do that. I'll go insane. So instead I'll be sleeping four hours a night and studying until four in the morning and drinking cases of Pepsi. (I can't do coffee. It makes me cringe.)
...to put it mildly, I'm kinda stressed out. And this journal is kinda going down the tubes, too. I only updated four times during all of November!!! I don't know whether I'll be able to do better this month or not... I have a week and a half of classes left, and then finals week, and then I'll be home until January 24th. I don't know if I can get my old computer at home to do this or not. I'm tempted to bring this computer home... I will be home for over a month... but I probably won't. I can't really face the hassle. Thanksgiving was good... my mom went out on Wednesday and bought the new Zelda 64 game. She's been waiting for it for two years. I thought she'd wait until Christmas to give it to me, but she can't. She's more into them than I am, even though she doesn't play. She lies on the couch and watches and helps me figure out what to do. If any of you have never tried it, you have to try the Link game for regular 8-bit nintendo. Obviously, the technology is way down there, but it's still one of the best games ever. There were two... the one I'm talking about is the one with a gold cartridge and you see link from the side instead of from the top. So anyway, I played that for most of the weekend. You should have seen the food my mom made.... only four people ate at my house- me, my mom, my dad, and my grandma, and my mom made a turkey, homemade gravy, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, corn, steamed cabbage w/ garlic butter, baked onions with cheese and bread crumbs, homemade cranberry orange sauce, and for desert, homemade pumpkin pie, homemade cherry pie, and homemade apple crisp, plus vanilla ice cream to go on top. Isn't that crazy?? It was really, good though. I really liked the onions, but the stuffing is still my favorite. I'll try anything once, but I'm really picky after that. I loved it that she left the chicken broth out of everything so that I could eat everything but the turkey and gravy. I downloaded the new microsoft internet explorer beta thingy yesterday and I don't like it. The favorites menu is screwed up- it opens in a box over on the side instead of as a menu, and the search menu does too so that I can't just tell it to go to yahoo when I click search. Yahoo'll open in the little box on the left, and the little form box I type my html code into keeps scrolling up above the screen so that I can’t see what I’m typing. I think I’m gonna uninstall it and try netscape, it’s driving me that insane. Normally, I’m a big microsoft fan, but they sure didn’t improve much with the new version. I have class pretty soon, I should probably get ready for it. I’m listening to alanis’s new cd. I love it. That’s really all there is to say. Go buy it, everybody. I’ve been doing most of my Christmas shopping over the internet.. I have no money, so it’s good that way. Less impulse buying. :-) I ordered a J. Peterman catalog that I hope gets here before christmas… I’m gonna wrap it up and give it to my mom. She’ll get such a kick out of it. :-) and I’m ordering an older Rolling Stones cd for her. I haven’t found much for my dad yet. I wanted to get him a new version of this really old tetris game he has called Faces, but according to tetris.com they’re not selling that game anymore. I searched ebay for anything pooh sticks, but they don’t have anything. At least not anything that has “sticks” in the description. We used to play pooh sticks when I was little and he really likes pooh sticks stuff. Or maybe I’m the one who really likes pooh sticks stuff and I just assume he does too. :-) But he did want a pooh sticks poster when I found them… we got matching ones. :-) I think I probably use too many “:-)” in here. I read somewhere that they’re considered bad “netequitte” now. I think that’s too bad… it’s hard to convey emotions in type and when I’m writing and smiling at the same time I put that in here. It’s always true. If anyone has any thoughts on this matter, please e-mail me. Do you think it’s annoying? I need to know these things. you know… when I’m shopping, especially this time of year, I still see all kinds of things “j.a.” would have loved. I’m thinking maybe I’ll never get over here entirely… and I’m wondering if that’s a bad thing. I doubt I’ll ever find somebody else… I don’t care enough to go looking. Maybe I’ll care more later…. But right now I don’t want a relationship. I can’t handle it. The sexuality thing still gets in my way. I can’t deal with looking for a girlfriend. And I even if I could find a guy I felt slightly attracted to, I don’t think I could deal with that either. In my own head, I’m okay with being gay. I just can’t deal with other people not being okay with it. People here still aren’t over the 17 yr old Junior thing (although really, most of them took that better than I expected.) …I can’t spring another thing on them yet. I let them all go two months thinking I’m normal and just like them and now it seems every day I let another little bit of that get by me and I still don’t think most people can deal with a 17 year old college junior who is also a lesbian, a feminist, who doesn’t shave her legs, who has been hospitilized for depression, who worships ani (even though I try not to, really.), who actually reads things she doesn’t have to (I still can’t get over the fact that no one else here reads books. I didn’t think it was that strange before I came here….) who only watches 3 hours of tv a week, who doesn’t wear makeup, who doesn’t care a bit about clothes (and in fact can’t stand clothes shopping) …. Who practically lives on the internet, who has an online journal…. All of those things make me weird by themselves. I just don’t think I can be all of them together to anybody that I have to see in real life. although that isn’t even entirely true…. My parents know all of those except for the online journal part, which they wouldn’t understand at all …and my cousins who live next door know all of them. And “j.a.” knows all of them except for the online journal… and that’s only because she won’t talk to me anymore so I can’t tell her. I think maybe it’s okay for people to know those things as long as I don’t have to be there to see how they react. As long as I don’t have to tell them. |