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I'm depressed. I don't know why. It's just one of those "I want to crawl in bed and cry" kinda nights. I think it started when I was upstairs and noticed out the window how many cars were pulled up there loading. There are so many people going home today, and even more going home tomorrow. I don't get to go home until Friday. The real thing, though, is that I'm feeling very socially inadequate today. That sounds stupid, I know, but it's the only way I can think of to put it. Like everytime I go up to someone and try and talk to them they act like I'm stupid or crazy or both. I think maybe it's partly because a lot of people are in a bad mood because of finals. And because I tried to help this one girl upstairs upgrade to Windows 98 and it didn't work right and this other girl up there looked at it and started talking to me like I'm a complete idiot with computers just because I couldn't get the upgrade to work on that system. She made me feel stupid, which is dumb, and knowing it's dumb made me feel even more stupid.
I'm just in bad shape overall, I think. My political analysis final is tomorrow. I'm in pretty good shape for that except that I have to know all the presidents since WWII in order. But that should only be one multiple choice question, even if I can't memorize them. I'm so bad at rote memorization. (I didn't make it through high school, remember? That's where they teach you that stuff.) I'm thinking maybe I just need to go to bed. Karen from across the hall keeps telling everyone she meets that I'm a Junior and I got an A+ on my term paper. It's extremely annoying, and I don't think she understands that. I told her I don't need her to brag for me, but she's just like- "You don't brag for yourself, I have to brag for you!" ....I guess maybe that's kinda sweet in some perverted sort of way, but basically it's just driving me crazy. She's really not a very nice person. She's friendly and popular and about as social as I am not, but she isn't very nice. I think it all boils down to the fact that my social skills are getting worn out. I don't have many to begin with, and I think the past three weeks since Thanksgiving (when I last got a break from using them every waking hour) have basically worn them out. I'm no good at being friendly or social. I'm getting better at small talk with people that I know a little bit... people that I know more than a little bit, like the people on my hall, are harder because they're around so much that I get tired of them. And I think they get tired of me too, which makes it even harder. And forget about talking to people I don't know at all... that just doesn't happen. people here don't seem to understand that there are some people who need time by themselves. With no social interaction to worry about. Does anybody anywhere understand that? I mean, not counting those of us introverts who know it first hand? ...I'm thinking maybe they don't. I'm also thinking this entry is making less and less sense the more I write. New subject. I never ever ever would have guessed that I would find myself on the same side of a political issue as Trent Lott. I can't believe that I do now. We have entirely different motives, obviously, but we both think this whole attack on Iraq is a bad idea and we both wonder about the timing of it. I think he just doesn't like it because he just doesn't like Clinton. I like Clinton a lot and I don't think he should be impeached (It wasn't purjury, if you go by the legal definition of purjury, so it wasn't an impeachable offense.) ....but I do think Clinton is a politician. He obviously had real reasons to bomb Iraq, but he did a month ago and a year ago too. I really think the only reason he's doing now is because he's about to get impeached in the house and he doesn't want to be the only president this century to be impeached. So he pulled the one card he has- Iraq- in an attempt to get the house to postpone the debate. It worked. They did. And U.S. troops are killing citizens in Baghdad. I guess I'm biased on this issue to begin with, because probably no matter when it happened, I would be against the U.S. bombing Iraq. I'll admit I don't fully understand the whole issues behind it. What I do understand is that at the end of the Gulf War, Saddam Huissan agreed that he would stop the production of weapons of mass destruction and he would allow U.N. Weapons Inspectors to inspect various areas of Iraq to make sure he was really doing that. Only he didn't keep his promise. He broke it and they renegotiated and then he broke it again and they renegotiated some more. And apparently today the U.S. lost patience. I don't think I'm really a pacifist. (although this sounds suspiciously like one of those "I'm not a feminist but I believe in equal rights" speeches that I can't stand, so maybe I am.) ....I just think war should be used as an absolute last resort and I don't think it is here. I also don't understand why it's such a big deal if Saddam has weapons of mass destruction. Do they really think he would be stupid enough to use them? It would be suicide for him and his entire country. Maybe that's what they think he wants, I don't know. He didn't use them last time, I don't know what makes them think he would use them this time. I also don't understand why he can't have weapons of mass destruction. The U.S. has them- who says we're not going to use them? If we do use them, of course it would be against him- and of course he knows that. Why can't he be allowed to defend himself? I guess I'm not entirely convinced that the U.S. is the good guy and Iraq is the bad guy and that's all there is to say about it. I'm sure Saddam thinks the U.S. is the bad guy- who's to say he's not right? I think the U.S. is the bad guy in a whole lot of situations. Economic sanctions are just wrong, as far as I'm concerned. Oh, and one more thing. If they really think that this guy has "weapons of mass destruction".... we just bombed the guy! If he was going to use those weapons, don't you think now would be the time? How do we know he wasn't just making them just in case the U.S. started to bomb him, so that he'd have some kind of defense? And you know what else? We bombed Sudan almost exactly a month ago, I think it was. Why wasn't that all over the news? Because the impeachment debate wasn't scheduled for the next day? or because the media thinks Americans just don't care about Sudan? (but somehow we do care about Iraq?) I don't get it. The thing is, after all this is over, the U.S. will still have problems with Iraq. Clinton will still get impeached in the house but not in the senate. G.W. Bush will probably run for president against Al Gore and I'll probably vote for Al Gore in my first presidential election, because there probably won't be much of a better option. That's another thing. I know more about politics than anybody else in my hall, and I am the only one not eligible to vote. None of them even bothered this year... and I'm hoping I can register and get an absantee ballot before my birthday, since I'll turn 18 two days before the election. umm... that's all I have to say. |