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I am so frustrated. I can't do my calculus homework... it doesn't make any sense. I don't know how to apply antiderivitives to a deer that's running in a straight line down a road. I can't figure it out. And I can't seem to make myself work on my term paper. I need to get it done before thanksgiving, and there's only ten more days before we leave, and I've barely started. And I'm behind in Spanish. And I have reading that *has* to be done for Monday and I can't do it. I can't do anything right now. I want to just curl up in a ball and scream and cry and BLAST songs and I can't. I didn't get anything done today. I woke up at 10:30. I put off taking a shower to explore the internet. I figured out mp3's and downloaded lots of slightly illegal songs I can't afford to buy. So I'm sitting here listening to eagle eye cherry and Jewel's new song and I'm not doing anything. I can't even turn the music off and work. There's no place to work in my room and there's no place else to go because I put it off too long and this is a party school where the library closes at 6 on weekends.
I seriously need to scream. It's dark out, and we've been lectured a billion times about not going out at night alone but I think I might anyway. I think I need to move. I don't think I'll ever recover otherwise. I couldn't even go to sleep now. my chest is exploding on the inside and it has no where to go. I know this probably makes no sense to anybody else. I'm not even sure frustration is the word I'm looking for. I think I'm just really bad at dealing with not being able to do things I want to do. Or maybe that's the definition of frustration, I don't even know. I basically haven't done any work all week. I've been really slacking off and I think if I could cope with that and do it now I'd be fine and I don't even know why I can't. The room is shrinking on me. My roommate still hasn't come back. My dad's coming up tomorrow to take me out. We're going to go see the Wizard of Oz. I think the problem is I am really bad at relaxing. There is no reason at all that any of this stuff has to be done tonight. I don't really even have to do anything for monday. My calculus homework isn't even due until thursday. I think i'm very compulsive, though. I can't procrastinate. Things need to be done at least two days before they're due. If it's a big project it needs to be done even sooner. What I probably should due is go take another shower. I took one this morning but I think I still smell bad. And then I should calm down and go to bed and read my book. Of course this will never happen. I'll go take my shower, feel somewhat better, and stay up until three in the morning accomplishing very little on stuff I can't seem to work on. And then I'll go to bed and read my book. And by the time my dad gets here at 11 I'll have had 4 hours of sleep and I'll fall asleep in the middle of the movie. I seriously need a vacation. |