Chapter Five

Sweat glistened on Obi-Wan's muscled back as he smoothed the walls of their hut with his hands. Directly across from him, Padmé patted the inside of the walls with water, smoothing the creases and cracks. Every few minutes, he would ask her if she wanted to rest, but she was tireless, working as long as he was. He was impressed with her stamina but worried that she was overexerting herself. Behind him, Sabé was creating the clay they were using to build with, walking back and forth on her mixture of swamp water and earth. Once and a while, she would look up from her task, glance at Obi-Wan, and hurriedly look down again, a red flush staining her cheekbones. Padmé caught her several times and she had to fight to keep the smile off her face.

Finally, Obi-Wan put down his tool and wiped at his forehead with the back of his hand. He shrugged on his tunic, but left it open.

"I think it's time for a break," he said, picking up his canteen of fresh water and taking a long draught.

Padmé came around the wall and sat beside him. He handed her the canteen and she took a drink. Sweat covered her from head to toe and she tried unsuccessfully to keep her hair tied back. Several rebellious strands had come loose to stick uncomfortably on her neck and back.

"What I wouldn't give for a shower," she sighed.

When Obi-Wan didn't respond, she glanced sideways at him and saw that he had closed his eyes. The expression on his face was pained. Padmé had seen him look like this countless times in the past few weeks but didn't ask and she also had her own thoughts to deal with. There was something on his face that had told her not to, but now, she had a feeling that it was time to air it all out. Brooding was not one of Obi-Wan's more admirable qualities and he was very good at it.

"Is there anyone left?" she asked quietly.

"I can feel a few spikes in the Force," he answered without thinking. "But I can also feel the great gaping hole where the Masters once were. The Jedi have broken apart and are running all over the galaxy. Anakin is hunting them down one-by-one, but it is really me he is searching for. Us."

"How do you know this?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small datapad. "I download the military reports everyday."

"Why didn't you tell me you had that?" she demanded, anger sparking in her eyes.

"If you cared to know, you would ask."

She glared at him but knew it was true. She had been trying to come to some kind of peace with Anakin and didn't have the will or the energy to deal with anything else.

"I still wish you had told me."

He only nodded and massaged his temple, wincing.

"Headache?" she asked.

"Nothing I can't manage," he said with a ready smile. "How are you feeling? Not queasy, I hope."

"No. Only in the mornings. I have to say, you're very good about being there when I need you."

"I'm always up meditating and I feel your pain-literally and figuratively."

"Thank you for everything, Obi-Wan," she said sincerely, taking his hand. "You've sacrificed so much for me and my children. I don't deserve such a good friend and confidant."

"There isn't anything that you don't deserve, Padmé," he said, sadly. "Not after all that you've been through. I owe it to you since…"

Her eyes narrowed and she regarded him sternly. "It wasn't your fault. Anakin has a mind of his own. He made his choices."

"I was his teacher, his guide," Obi-Wan muttered, more to himself than her. His breath began to come out in short puffs. "Qui-Gon trusted me to guide him down the right path. They all trusted me, and I failed them."

"Obi-Wan," Padmé said, shaking him.

He blinked and looked at her. "I'm sorry. Let's get back to work."

"No, we're not finished here."

"Yes, we are. I don't wish to talk about this any longer. It's not important."

"It couldn't be more important. You can't carry around this guilt with you, Obi-Wan. It's not healthy."

He laughed without humor, a cold sound that made Padmé drop his hand in surprise. He stood and began to pace in front of her, showing more agitation in five seconds that he had in a month.

"Not healthy is being hunted down by the most powerful Sith Lord in the history of the galaxy who also happened to be your Padawan at one point. Not healthy is being stuck on a planet with only the bare essentials. A planet that most people would steer clear of, I might add. Not healthy, Padmé, is having a constant headache because you're surrounded by plants that thrive on energy from the Darkside. So, I think it's safe to say that guilt is the least of my worries."

Sabé had stopped moving long before his tirade but now she stared in disbelief at what she was hearing. Padmé seemed to be in the same boat. Obi-Wan was known for his cool exterior and neither of them could recall a time when he'd lost control. He stopped pacing, sensing their astonishment, and put his hands on his hips, breathing hard.

"Excuse me," he said, flicking a glance at Padmé.

Then, he turned on his heel and disappeared into the foliage. Padmé stood and looked to where he had entered the dense forest.

"I think he wants to be alone," Sabé said quietly, wishing she had enough courage to follow him herself.

"I don't care," Padmé said firmly and she plunged in after him.

For once, Obi-Wan was not careful about covering his tracks. He left a trail of broken branches and flattened bushes in his wake, making it easy for Padmé to find him. Sitting in his meditation stance, he twitched at the sound of her coming, but didn't open his eyes. She could tell that he was not truly meditating for his countenance was far from serene.

"That was quite a speech," she said, sitting next to him. "I just wish you'd stayed and waited for comments and questions."

"Not now, Senator."

She bristled at the title, recognizing it as his way of reminding her that her job was to get in other people's business.

"I think now, Master Kenobi," she shot back. "We went too long without having talked about anything. After our conversation in the cargo hold about escaping Anakin, we didn't talk about him again. I know we've both thought about him plenty, but we've said nothing. We can't stay quiet forever and I don't think you can take much more tension."

"Talk then."

She pressed her lips together, almost wishing she hadn't pressed the subject but her instincts told her it was time and she needed to talk as well. She could have talked to Sabé, but Obi-Wan knew first-hand was she was going through because he was going through it himself. They had a lot in common--a shared pain went a long way in strengthening a bond between two people.

"I miss him," she started, her eyes taking on a far-away look. "I miss the way he used to look at me, I miss his voice, but you know, most of all, I miss our dreams, our plans. Anakin had a lot of plans, Obi-Wan. He wanted us to have four children and if they were Force-sensitive he would send them to the Academy and if they weren't he would be happier to keep them with us. He wanted to travel and see the galaxy, experience new things with me and our family. So many nights we stayed up just talking about these things and he'd ask when it would be a good time for us to have a child. I was busy with the Senate and he was busy with his duties. I didn't think it would ever be a good time to have a child, but I told him soon, just a few more months. He was disappointed but he never pushed the subject. One of us always had to go before he could."

Obi-Wan opened his eyes. "Did he ever talk about me?"

"He always had the utmost respect for you," she answered diplomatically.

"He was a difficult student, headstrong, always questioning me. We argued many times, but in the end, he did what he was told whether he agreed with it or not. He was impatient with learning new things, expecting to become an expert in something he had just tried a moment before. He was challenging, I'll tell you that. It was worse after we met up with you again. The day Anakin became a Jedi Knight was the happiest day of my life. I didn't think he would make it. I think our relationship improved after that."

Padmé smiled. "It did. He began to see you as a friend instead of a teacher and he was excited about the things you talked about. He often wished to find you a wife."

Obi-Wan had to laugh at that. "Yes, he mentioned it several times, but I'm married to my job. I have no time for a wife."

They sat in comfortable silence with the more pleasant memories of Anakin fresh in their minds. Then, Padmé sighed, resting her head on Obi-Wan's strong shoulder.

"I'm sorry that you lost your future with him, Padmé," he said. "He loved you, probably still loves you. I think thoughts of you were what kept him going for a lot of the time. I could tell because he would get this dreamy look on his face and I'd have to snap him back to attention."

"Then, what happened to him?"

"Fear and hatred is of the Darkside. Anakin allowed those emotions to take over his mind and he allowed himself to be tempted by the power he could have. He became Darth Vader because he could not find peace within himself and with the Force. I did not teach him well enough about controlling his emotions."

"It's not your fault."

"It's very much my fault. It cannot be denied. The objective part of mind tells me so. A loss of patience here and a wrong word there goes a long way when you're the teacher. I will attone for my failures, Padmé, starting here. I will make it right with you and your children. I will protect you all with my life."

He winced and closed his eyes for a second. She gazed at him worriedly.

"Is it your head?" she asked.

"Yes, but it will pass."

"Is it because of the Dark energy here? If it gets worse, we must leave."

"No. This is the best place we can be. I can deal with the pain. Darth Vader will not find us here."

"That's the first time you've said his name," Padmé said with a low voice.

"This is the first time I've allowed myself to face the fact that Anakin is really gone. Darth Vader is all that's left." He turned his head to look at her. "Are you satisfied now?"

"Are you?"

"As much as I can be."

She pressed a kiss to his forehead and then stood. "I will leave you to meditate. Don't dwell too long, Obi-Wan. The house has to be finished soon or else I'm afraid Sabé might go on strike."

He smiled. "Alright, Padmé. I will be there shortly."

He closed his eyes and opened himself up to the Force. In the edges of his consciousness, he could feel the Darkside creeping up on him, but he kept it at bay, only focusing his thoughts on the ebb and flow of the Lightside of the Force. Padmé watched him, worry creasing her brow.