Coran

Alfor always said to me that there must have been an electronic sign board above Arus that read, "BORED PLANET...PLEASE ATTACK". Amid the laughter, we both pondered ways of taking that confounded sign down.

There have been many times in the past years that I have wished for Alfor's presence--when I was raising Allura in his and Carina's absence, when I had to guide the people of Arus while the Princess was too young to lead them, and especially now. With all that has happened in such a short time, I am left at a loss. The Princess Allura is confined to a hoverchair, Keith is down for an indeterminate period of time, and the people's morale is low. But most of all, I am tired.

I watched from Castle Control as the Vehicle Voltron team and the Arusian squadrons attacked. Helpless, I watched as Niloc hurt Allura, the only daughter I have ever known. I cannot deny that my job is difficult, but never more so than in times of crisis. Not because of the decisions I have to make. No. It is because of all the people--people I care about and have given my life to serving--that I have to watch die or get hurt. A part of my heart crumbles each time. I do not think I have much of it left anymore. Too many good people have left us. And all because of this damned war.

I look at Allura and I wish that she'd had a chance at a different life. She's twenty years old but her eyes are decades older. When Alfor was a Prince and we lived in peace, Princesses her age went to balls, owned closet after closet of gowns, and had suitors lined up around the castle. Balls are the furthest thing from Allura's mind. She owns a closet full of gowns but she despises wearing them. As for suitors, her reputation of being something of a shrew has reached every corner of the galaxy and since Arus has nothing to offer, she has none. The closest thing she has to a suitor is Keith. She is not a shrew, despite what others think. She's only been hardened by what she's been through. She is like everyone else, a person just trying to survive, and she has needed to be tough to do that. I wonder what she would have been like had Alfor and Carina lived...had all this never happened...

The only boon to this situation is that we have a Voltron Force that is worthy of the legend. They are all fine, respectful young men of whom I am proud. And at last Allura has found a kindred spirit. She opens up to Keith in a way that I have never seen before. And he has more than shown his worth by his sacrifce to get her back to us. Yet, despite their closeness, there are still barriers up. One day, I hope they will come down because I think that on that day, Allura will know true happiness. The happiness that her parents wished for her and the happiness I want her to experience at least once in her life. She deserves it.

I rub my eyes wearily. I am off duty, but before I can get any real rest, I have a deskful of paperwork to sort through. I can't put it off any longer. There are requests for reports from the Alliance Senate. Even though they have just been newly formed, they're already in full operation as if they'd been around forever. Romelle must be sent as soon as possible so that Arus will get a fair hearing--should she decide to go that is. I would have gone had this disaster not happened...

Zarkon's treatment of this planet was far worse than Niloc's but the psychological effect that Niloc had on the upper echelons of our command hierarchy was far worse. Zarkon destroyed everything in sight without a word, but Niloc drew it out, torturously, showing us what evil he was capable of. We were already defeated when Zarkon killed Alfor...but when Niloc took Allura, it was only the beginning of a nightmare.

I feel an ache in my chest as I think about it. My dear Allura, broken in front of my eyes. I only thank Riaru that Nanny did not see that...it would have surely killed her. I reach for the pills Doctor Gorma gave me for my pains. He has been giving a lot of pills away lately.

The words on the data pad I hold in front of me begin to swim but I refocus my eyes. There's work to be done and not enough time to do it in. I can reflect when this is over...

...if it ever will be.