Gwen

My hands are shaking and I can't stop them. Seeing what had been done to Pidge, Allura, and Keith unhinged me. After Marc and my parents died, I thought that nothing could ever shake me again...but this has. I think every person has their limit...and I've reached mine.

I can't do this anymore.

I can't lose anymore people in my life. My brother is in the front lines almost on a daily basis, my friends always in the middle of danger...and my daughter in a place that most people wouldn't even think about visiting. I wanted to help and I wanted to be near Lance. But I think that it's time to leave Arus because I don't want to be part of this war anymore. I fought the urge to dig a hole and hide in it, but now I think that's not such a bad idea. Not if it means that my Morgan will live.

Arus was so close to being destroyed...too close. I did my duty as an Alliance Officer, but I'm going to announce my resignation as soon as the time is right. It's over for me, this life. I loved it, but it's not right for me to do this while Morgan has already lost her father. I owe Marc that much.

No one knows, but our marriage had hit hard times. He'd been seeing someone and I found out. We were trying to work things out, if not for ourselves, for Morgan...but then Luna was destroyed and we lost him. He was a good man and a good father...I wish we'd had that chance. I wish that my parents hadn't visited...

...too many people lost....

Keith has to come out of this. He holds this group together. He's their leader. Even Allura and Coran, who outrank him, turn to him for advice. I don't know what Lance would do without him. They've been friends for so long. They used to tease me mercilessly about other boys, my braces..you name it. He's as much a part of our family as Lance is. Losing him would be like losing my brother.

As for my biological brother, Lance is full of surprises. He's always the joker, hardly every serious, and I thought that this time he was in over his head. I should have known better. He's a Branegan. The grandson of "Fighting Jake" Branegan and great-great-grandson of Admiral Leah Branegan, one of the early leaders of the Alliance. Leadership is in his blood. Lance is no different from our more illustrious ancestors. He's made me proud. Mom and Dad would have been so proud of him. And one day, Morgan will brag about her uncle, the pilot of the Red Lion. But I know as easily as he fit into this role, he won't seek it out. He wants to be free to do as he wishes and a high position doesn't allow that. Our father was like that. That's why Mom outranked him, and though people teased him, he only smiled and told them how proud he was of her and how behind every strong woman was a lowly man.

God, I miss them so much.

I wish I could convince Lance to leave with us, but I know he won't. His sense of duty and honor are strong and he won't leave his friends in the lurch. I won't either. Allura is hoverchair bound and needs help more than ever, though she won't admit it. And she spends most of her time next to Keith even though she tries to get some work done. Lance, Sven, and I have been filching her data pads and doing her work to lighten her load. Romelle has taken over most of her royal duties and Coran is running the ship. I don't even think Allura's noticed.

I'll leave when things have settled down, but I am leaving. That's for certain. I don't want to think about how I'm going to break it to them, especially to Hunk. We've gotten close and I really enjoy his company. Morgan adores him. Perhaps with the new shield...

No...I have to leave. I have to. Arus is a great big bullseye. This is not a place for Morgan. But, she could learn so much here, from her surrogate uncles and aunts. Important things like patience, virtue, courage...love.

Jesus..what should I do...