Chapter Five
It took her a week to scare up the courage to find him. She thought he would stop by the castle to at least see Ethan, but when her son began to whine about not seeing his uncle, Bethie decided that it was time to make her move. That was why she found herself outside the Branegan house with her finger on the buzzer on Saturday morning with her knees shaking and her palms sweating.
Link answered the door with a bright smile and ushered her in.
"Hi, Bethie," she said. "Where's Ethan?"
"Dad's reading him stories and Mom's trying to fatten him up with her godawful cookies. Thank Riaru he's got a stomach of steel."
Link laughed.
"Good thing," she said. "So, what brings you around here?"
"Is Jack around?" Bethie asked, a tad nervously.
A careful watchfulness settled over Link. Bethie felt as if she was a bug being studied in a jar but she forced herself to keep her chin up and meet Link's gaze squarely.
"He's out back. He's been pretty quiet lately and when it's Jack, I'd think I'd rather he stomp around and yell instead of this. Do you know what's wrong with him?" Link asked.
It seemed to Bethie that Link knew exactly what was wrong with her son but she decided to play along. She was relieved that Link did not want to step over any boundaries and that she trusted them to figure things out on their own. It was a mess, but Bethie would figure it out.
"No," she answered. "But I'm here to find out."
Bethie found her way to the backyard. At first she didn't see him but then she spotted a bare foot propped up on one of the stone borders of Link's flower beds. The rest of Jack's body was hidden by some shrubbery but when Bethie looked over the bushes, he didn't seem surprised to see her. He just stared up at her, his gray eyes clear, waiting.
"Hi," she said when he didn't say anything.
"Hey," he returned. "What's up?"
Bethie wanted to grab his collar and haul him up, but controlled her urge. She'd gotten little sleep all week thinking about him and what she was going to do about their situation. With Skech, it had not been nearly this complicated despite their age difference and his association with her father. This was Jack. He was so tangled up in her life that if this went south, she would never be able to wrestle him free. She could not treat this lightly and it scared her to think that if this did not work out, she would lose him all over again. If the last three months had taught her anything, it was that she needed him as surely as she needed air but she was just so afraid.
Then she thought about what could happen if it did work and that's what kept her going.
"Just wondering where you've been," she said casually. "Ethan misses his favorite playmate."
"I've been busy."
Bethie eyed his nice even tan but he only smiled innocently. He sat up as she sat down at his feet.
"Are you going to keep tiptoeing around why you're really here or are we going to get to the point," he asked, brushing grass from his elbow.
"For a man who just confessed to loving me, you're very calm."
"For a woman who just had her best friend confess to loving her, you're pretty calm yourself."
For a second, she doubted whether they could actually make this work because he seemed to be much too indifferent about the whole ordeal. He hadn't tried to find her, hadn't tried to explain, and she wondered whether or not he thought she was even worth the trouble. She started to get up.
And then she saw it.
The spark of anger that suddenly lit up his gray eyes was gone with a blink but she saw it.
"If that's all, Bethie..." he said when she remained silent.
Moving faster than even she thought possible, she leapt forward and pounced on him, her hands on his shoulders to keep him from getting up. His breath came out in a whoosh, and his eyes were wide with surprise and confusion as he stared up at her.
"I may sound and look calm but I'm not because for the past week, I've been thinking about all the important events in my life," she said tersely, her words tumbling all over each other. "Aside from my family, there was always one person there. My first solo flight, my first grownup dance...my first sorrow. Jack, you were always there.
"That's what friends are for."
"Yes, but Jason is my friend too and when I have big news that I want to share with someone, I don't think of him. I think of you. When I need a shoulder to cry on or if I have a funny story to tell, I think of you. You have always been such an integral part of my life that I just took you for granted. When you left...I can't tell you what it meant to me to hear from you and how much I missed you when one of the most important events in my life occured. Do you know what Ethan's middle name is?"
"Jackson," Jack answered quietly.
"After my best friend. My oldest and dearest friend. So you can imagine my shock when I realized you loved me in a way that went beyond friendship." She paused, swallowed hard. "Imagine then what happened when I realized I loved you, too."
A spark again in the gray. This time of hope.
"Say again?" he said.
"I love you, Jack. I think that I always have too."
She started to lean down but he sat up and held her away at arm's length. A difficult maneuver considering she was straddling his lap.
"I can't be number two, Bethie," he said seriously.
"I'm not going to put you over my son," she said stiffly, blindsided by his selfishness, starting to rise.
He gripped her arms.
"Not to Ethan. To Skech," he said.
She blinked.
"What? Second?" she said confusedly.
"I'm not him," Jack said vehemently. "I'm not going to replace him. I've had a lot of time to think too and I think part of the reason I never told you how I felt was because I was afraid of playing second fiddle to a memory."
"Give me a little credit here," Bethie protested.
"I saw the look on your face when he held you, Bethie. And I saw how your heart broke when he died. I held you when you cried for him, I heard what you said in your sleep, and I know what it's meant for you to have his child. It was a way to always have him there, to keep his memory alive. He'll always be the love of your life and I can't live with the knowledge that if he had lived, you would not be here today, tempting the hell out of me. I'm too raw and you can break me apart with a flick of your finger. That's the kind of power you have over me."
Bethie cupped his face with her hands and she kissed the wrinkle that had formed between his eyebrows.
"I can't turn back time or change my feelings about Skech," she said. "He was my first love and I'll never forget him, but I have let him go, believe it or not. Don't let his memory keep you from the life that you want. You love Ethan as much as I do and he is a part of Skech. My experiences with Skech shaped the woman I am, but Jack, you have your own place in my heart...and in Ethan's. He looks up to you and he loves you. We both do."
Jack closed his eyes. Bethie wound her arms around his neck and she felt his hands slide to her back. He pulled her tighter against him.
"Skech wasn't the love of my life...Ethan is," she added cheekily.
Jack threw back his head and laughed. Bethie grinned but it faded when his eyes met hers and she saw desire there. She was suddenly aware of how they were sitting, at the intimate way their bodies touched, and she felt a warmth low in her belly that she thought she would never experience again.
"Will you kiss me now?" she asked.
"Sure," he said with a shrug, his eyes on her lips.
It started slow and easy, almost lazily as he took his time exploring her mouth. Then, his fingers slid up into her hair, tilting her head to the side so that he could slant his mouth over hers and she felt like she was going to burn up. He kissed her with all that he had kept inside for so long and she could taste it...and it opened up something inside her that she hadn't even realized was there. All these years, she'd wanted this and she was done wasting time. She moaned low in her throat and he responded by sliding his other hand underneath her shirt, his skin cool against the heat of hers. Her arms were tight around him and her legs had gone from being on either side of his to being wound around his waist but she wanted more, wanted to hold him even closer...
"Um...excuse me."
They broke apart guiltily and looked up at Jason's amused face.
"Mom says that unless you're going to marry her, you really shouldn't be ravaging the Heir to the Throne in our backyard."
"I didn't say that!" Link yelled from the kitchen. "Lance did!"
Jason discreetly disappeared and Bethie leaned her forehead against his as she tried to catch her breath. She could see the amused curve of his mouth and did not have to look up to know that his gray eyes were dancing.
"Wow," she murmured.
"Yeah," he said, running a gentle hand through her hair. "So, I have to ask you one thing."
"I hate to disappoint you, but I am not a virgin."
He laughed and he tilted her chin up so that he could look into her eyes.
"Like the boy said, I shouldn't be ravaging the Heir to the Throne unless I plan to marry her. Marry me?"
"We haven't even gone on a first date," she said, grinning.
"We're way past that one, my Bethie."
Bethie laughed and she leaned back so that she could look into his face. A face that she could imagine right down to the smallest detail, a face that she had seen grow from boy to man, and a face that she wanted to see first thing in the morning and last thing at night for the rest of her life. There were no doubts, no fears left. She wanted this and she wanted him.
"They're gonna love this one," she said as she went in for another kiss.
