Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Volume 4, December 1998

Dark Horse Comics, Inc.

Based on the television character created by: Joss Whedon

Written by: Andi Watson

Penciled by: Hector Gomez

Inked by: Sandu Florea

Lettered by: Janice Chiang

Cover by: Hector Gomez

Colored (cover & interior) by: Guy Major

Transcript by: The Crying Freeman

Legal Disclaimer:

The characters of that comics are the exclusive property of Joss Whedon. The story transcribed here, is the legal property of Dark Horse Comics Inc., and of Scott Allie the editor. This work is only a presentation of the dialogue and a narration of the action as displayed in this comic book. This work is for information only, no money can be made out of it. If you sell, or ask a payment for it, it is a violation of copy right laws.

A dark passage, next to a "Out-N-In-Buger". It’s pretty desert except a purple car, only Buffy and a vampire are there.

Buffy: Trying to get yourself, some take-out, huh?

The vampire charges her, she receives him with a swift kick in the jaws. He lands on the windshield of the car.

Buffy: (kneeled on the roof of the car, raising above her head a stake) Bad move. (she stabs and ashes the vampire, exploding the windshield at the same time. The owner of the car is coming back with a burger and a soda, and sees Buffy on his damaged car) Uh, hi. This your car?

Man: Muh… Muh…

Buffy: (practicing with a dagger in the library, while Giles is among his beloved books) …I had to pay for the damages, didn’t I?

Giles: Unfortunately there is no Slayer insurance policy.

Buffy: Well, that’s it. I’m wiped out, broke, poverty-stricken, destitute,…

Giles: Yes, yes, I get the idea.

Buffy: Why now, so close to Christmas? I have presents to buy. I need a new outfit for the dance.

Giles: Buffy, you have enough clothes to dress a small nation. I’m sure you can find something to wear.

Buffy: Giles, it’s a party! I thought you’d respect etiquette. You can’t wear an old dress to a dance. Maybe you were born into tweed diapers, I however, at least try to keep up with current fashions. There’s only one thing for it. I need a job.

Giles: Absolutely not! I expressly forbid it.

Buffy: I’ve faced worse horrors than sub-minimum wage fast-food corporations.

Giles: A Slayer must always be vigilant. You… you cannot postpone battling evil to deliver pizza.

Buffy: Think of all the pizza-hungry people, Giles. What about the dance? I cannot go without shoes!

Giles: I’ve studied the Slayer handbook in a dozen languages and there is no mention of a dress code. Obviously a glaring omission on there part. But past Slayers have gone to the ball in old gowns. I’m afraid it’s one of those small sacrifices you have to make.

Buffy: (In the Sunnyvale mall –note of the transcriber: no typo here. It’s the way it’s spelled several times in this volume- the Christmas decorations have been displayed. Buffy is working at a ice-cream shop: popsicle parlor. She’s wearing a pink outfit and an ‘interesting’ hat ) Even after a coupla weeks I’m still not used to wearing these things.

Felicia: It’s company regulations.

Buffy: (fixing her hat) I pray my friends haven’t see me.

Felicia: They’ll see you all right. These hats are a beacon. The amount of fine looking guys I’ve sold popsicles to and realized I could never date. Not after they’ve seen me in this clown get-up.

Buffy: You sound like you’ve been there, done that, and suffered the humiliation already.

Felicia: It’s not so bad. The new boss is weird, but the pay is, huh, okay.

Buffy: The boss is weird, like how?

Felicia: His mind isn’t on the job and he obsesses about the freezer. He really does not have a clue about fast-food franchising. Lucky for him, I’m running the show. (as the boss passes by in suit, heading for the freezer) Here’s your chance to meet him, Buffy. Afternoon, Mr. Richter. Business is great today. This heat wave is really boosting sales.

Mr. Richter: I’ll be inspecting stock before filling orders. It will take some time so do not disturb me.

Felicia: Like I told you, he has a thing about the freezer. No one is allowed back there.

Buffy: How long is it gonna be? Does he has like a coat and mittens in there?

Felicia: He’s a cool one all right. Must be, what, ninety degrees out there? (-note: =32 degrees Celsius-) Not a bead of sweat on him. El Niño is really messing with the winter, I mean, a heat wave at that time of the year…

Buffy: Hmmm, it could be Hell’s a little closer to the surface in Sunnyvale.

Felicia: Hell is what?

Buffy: Oh, nothing.

Buffy: (later that same day. Pulling off her hat, as she realizes that Angel is here) Hellmouth swallow me now.

Angel: Buffy, is that you or a power popsicle?

Buffy: Busted. Excuse the hat hair.

Angel: Are you alone?

Buffy: Yeah, Felicia left a while ago. So is this a romantic after-hours liaison?

Angel: I guess.

Buffy: I’m just finishing up here. Do you want to meet at the mall rink? After-hours ice-skating is the one up-side to the job. Well, that and the uniform.

Angel: (leaving) Okay, sure. See you soon.

Buffy: Did Richter leave already? Oh, well… I guess I just didn’t notice. (Richter is shown sitting in a frozen cave, torso-naked and covered with strange signs. He’s in front of a magical circle and invocated an ice-elemental. Buffy is now skating with Angel.) …so I started wondering, will I ever be able to have a proper career? Beyond fighting and mayhem, that is. My boss can dedicate himself to his job and afford sharp suits.

Angel: Being the Slayer won’t stop you from having a job.

Buffy: No, but it stands in the way of having a career. I won’t ever be able to put all my energies into anything other than being the Slayer. That will always be the priority. Imagine if I tried to be a doctor. "I’m sorry, nurse, this patient’s sucking chest wound will just have to wait. I have to wrestle the lich-crab of Central-Angola."

Angel: Well, perhaps medicine isn’t for you. There are less demanding fields.

Buffy: Is my future in retail? I have visions of myself in ten years’ time, still scraping by on minimum wage, serving slushies and renting movies while being the Slayer gets me sacked from job after pointless job.

Angel: (skating into Buffy, and making her fall over him) I’m sorry, Buffy. I…

Buffy: I know. I know. It’s okay. (*KERASSHH* can be heard) What was that?

Angel: (running with Buffy toward the source of the noise in the mall) A sort of demon thing.

Buffy: Picking up some last minute gift?

Ice-elemental: *Hehehe*

The elemental spits a salvo of ice-pikes. Buffy uses a table to shield herself. Angel, in the open, jumps to be behind the table too, he’s touch at the left leg by an ice-pike)

Buffy: (retreating after Angel, into a "Texas Pizza Ranch", and now using a chair to stop the projectiles) Angel! We need some kind of flame… Hurry! (She smashes the chair againt the elemental. Angel has opened the doors of the pizza-oven) Heads up… Frozen pizza incoming! (throws the elemental into the oven, flames burst out) We’re cooking with gas!

Angel: (Closes the doors, as Buffy look at her half-frozen hand) Quite the winter wonderland.

Buffy: Yeah… Hell on ice.

Mr. Richter: (still in his cave) I can summon the small fry. Next time will be a call from the big league. Then there’ll be no more of this dead-end franchise slavery. I’ll have a demon in my thrall to earn my fortune for me…

Buffy: (at one of Oz’s band concert with Willow) …I didn’t want anyone to know about my sucky employment because of Giles. The frosty gremlin blew that idea… I had to inform Giles about that weird stuff.

Willow: (staring at Oz) Oh, see how he strums the bar chords?

Buffy: Of course he went ballistic. Well, as ballistic as Giles can. I managed to persuade him to let me keep the job. As a lookout for other mall monsters. So, Giles and Angel search for info, and I manage to sneak away to rest my aching feet… and heart.

Willow: The way he squints when he tunes his guitar.

Buffy: …And that when I decided to have a second head attached. It went well for awhile, but I discovered I was talking to myself all the time, like I’m doing now.

Willow: No, no. I’m listening the second head from the mall? I know, they’re so expensive.

Xander: (arriving with Cordy) Hey, guys, whussup?

Buffy: The usual… My life sucks, and Will’s ga-ga over her guitar hero.

Willow: Buffy has a job at the mall.

Cordelia: A what?

Buffy: The dictionary defines it as: the thing you do when daddy doesn’t give you an allowance. I need a dress for the dance, so I have to work.

Xander: (Oz is joining them at their table) Aha! The dance. We’re all going, right? ‘cuz Oz and I are X-mas shopping in the morning. We’re gonna bond at the mall. Y’know, scope the chick action, hang at the arcade, and by him a flea collar.

Cordelia: What, ME, not go to a school dance? As if! As the most popular girl in school, it’s my duty to attend.

Buffy: Listen, guys, there was some kind of gremlin thing in the mall tonight. Giles say we should be careful around here.

Cordelia: The day they take away my right to shop is the day I die. They’ll have to wrench my credit card from my cold dead hands.

Oz: Let’s take a moment to savor this image.

Xander: Well, Cordelia, if you want my gifts, you have to accompany me to the dance.

Cordelia: I guess, as a charitable contribution to the less popular.

Willow: You could shop for a very expensive dress that’ll stun everyone. Something so eye-catching they don’t even notice Xander’s there.

Xander: Okay, now she’s going with me.

Cordelia: Of course! Something small but precious… this weather is stifling.

Buffy: Don’t let your consuming-obsessed mind forget the danger at the mall.

Xander: So, I figure I’ll buy Cordy’s present at Target and blow the change in the arcade.

Buffy: (Now back to work in the mall. She’s with Felicia. Mr. Richter is coming) If I here "Jingle Bells" one more time…

Mr. Richter: I’ll be projecting order from our, huh, current stock today. Please do not disturb me.

Felicia: Yes sir.

Buffy: He’s full of Christmas spirit.

Felicia: (to Giles, approaching the counter) Your popsicle of preference, sir?

Giles: A…actually I wanted a word with Buffy in private.

Buffy: Sure, Giles. Come through.

Giles: That is quite the uniform, Buffy.

Buffy: Don’t start. Have you located any supernatural strangeness? Do you think Spike and Dru might be behind this?

Giles: Doesn’t seem like their style, but they have been awfully quiet recently. So far, I have no leads.

Buffy: Me neither. Who knows. May be it’ll be a quiet Christmas? Here, have a popsicle. It’s on the house.

Giles: Um. Thank you. Do stay vigilant.

Buffy: Darn tootin’

Felicia: (to Buffy, as Giles walks away) Who’s that? Your parole officer?

Buffy: Sometimes it feels like it. (it’s now 5:00 p.m., Buffy is going to take off her hat) I made it. The job is finally over.

Xander: Do you get to keep the hat? (Buffy turns around, seeing Xander and Oz with shopping bags) ‘cuz that’s quite an ensemble you’ve got there. It be a shame to it break it up.

Oz: Do you do children’s parties?

Buffy: Oh, boy. I’ve heard it all before, you guys. Now scoot, I’m on important Slayer business.

Xander: Keeping Sunnydale’s youngsters cool during the brutal heat wave?

Buffy: No. I have vital shopping to do… presents and a dress to buy, y’know, what regular folks do?

Xander: Buffy, you don’t have to wear new clothes to impress a guy. I’d be excited to see you in a sackcloth, *um*, I mean…

Buffy: *Gee* Thanks a lot, Xander, for that valuable insight. Surprisingly, I don’t wear clothes only to impress guys.

Oz: (pushing Xander away) Let’s blow that popsicles stand. Before you open your mouth again.

Xander: Uh, okay. We’ll call for you at eight.

The clock now indicates 7:35pm. Buffy, carrying several bags, sees it.

Buffy: Shoot. Look at the time. I’d better get changed here, then drop my bags off at home. (she’s now coming out of the ladies’ room) F-freezing. What’s going on? (the popsicles stand is entirely frozen) Richter. Is he still in here?

Buffy walks in the freezer and go down in the cave. She is facing a huge ice-elemental, in the middle of the magical circle drawn on the ground. Behind the monster, Richter is reciting an incantation.

Mr. Richter: …now do my biding, grant me the knowledge I thirst for.

Buffy: (pushing Richter away) If you’re thirsty for knowledge, go to the library, not the popsicle from hell.

Mr. Richter: Nooo… (standing up again) You little fool! You broke the circle before I could bind it into my service.

Buffy: (as the elemental straighten up, breaking through the ceiling of the cave) Looks like it’s gone *Awol*.

She follows the monster through the hole. So does Richter. At the opposite side of the room, Giles and the rest of the gang appear. In between the monster is stretching, cleaning the place from it’s Christmas decorations.

Xander: Buffy!

Oz: Someone couldn’t wait to open their Christmas present.

Xander: I knew there was trouble when Buffy wasn’t home—after we told her we’d pick her up at eight.

Giles: Buffy! It’s some powerful elemental! You must negate the summoning incantation!

Richter tries to escape. He runs under the elemental, his book under his arm, heading for the exit. As he approaches the door some part of the damaged wall fall on him. He’s crushed and let the book fall.

Buffy: (picking up the book) Giles! I have the spell book.

Xander: (as the elemental approaches his hand toward Buffy) Buffy, look out! (Buffy is now raised in the air)

Oz: Do we have a plan B?

Xander: It’s a long shot… (seeing gallons of fuel in the devastated front-window of a hardware store) …but it just might work.

Oz: (as he spills fuel with everybody else on the foot of the elemental) We don’t appear to be having much effect.

Buffy: (still in the hand, reading from the manuscript) …S-salves, p-p-poultices, chicken tikka masala, a-ha! (she tears off the page, the elemental drops her) OOF!

The elemental disappears, vacuumed into it’s original plan. Most of the mall is destroyed in the process. The complete gang and Giles run away to safety. When the clouds of dust and ice dissipate, they are in the middle of a frozen chaos. Their clothes are ruined.

Buffy: (frozen, Giles putting his coat on her shoulders) D-did Richter g-go down w-with the rink?

Giles: Only an imbecile would try to summon an elemental over the hellmouth. All diabolic (-note: I can’t not precise that elementals are supposed to be neutral. There powers lay in those of nature ["the elements" as their name indicates it] and have no demonic origin. But I guess we’re supposed to close our eyes on this error-) creatures are many times more powerful near a supernatural nexus.

Xander: Is everyone okay?

Cordelia: My mall, my beautiful mall.

Buffy: Look at me. I worked all those hours to buy a dress and it’s ruined. I can’t get to the dance.

Oz: None of us really look our best, Buffy. Has anyone else noticed how cold it is?

Xander: Forget the dance…

Angel: (arriving) It’s practically a white Christmas in here!

He and Giles look at Oz pushing Willow around on a sled, while Buffy is against Xander and Cordy in a raging snowballs battle.