Chapter 6

"Kevin............Kevin............"

"Hmmm?" I moaned attempting to remain asleep. I was having a dream which consisted of my girlfriend and myself being trapped on a desert island and the only person I wanted to hear calling my name was her.

"Kevin...." the small voice called again.

I forced one of my eyelids open squinting at the small figure beside my cot. "What is it, Nick?"

"I feel strange," he whispered his voice shaking. "I'm so c-cold."

I sat up. "Just calm down. Sit down, I'm going to turn on the light."

I stood struggling to move through my fatigue. I flipped on the light clumisly.

"Ooooh!" Brian groaned rolling about in his bed.

"Go back to sleep, Rok," I responded yawning.

"What's going on?" he grumbled.

"Nick needs me, just throw the blanket over your eyes and go back to sleep."

"Okay," my cousin quickly agreed tossing the cover over his face. He was snoring once again as I looked at Nick critically for the first time. He was as pale as ever and shaking like a leaf. "Oh, man, you poor kid," I whispered. "What's wrong?"

"C-cold," he repeated.

I felt his forehead with the back of hand. "Aw, shit, your fever went up again." I touched his shoulder pulling back my hand in disgust. "You're sweating up a storm." I sighed walking toward the bathroom to grab the thermometer and medicine. "Switch into some different clothes and crawl under the covers, okay?"

"Okay," he answered.

I returned as Nick was standing over his suitcase struggling to change his shirt shivering. I laid down the thermometer helping him.

"I'm scared," he admitted through chattering teeth. "Why can't I s-stop shaking?"

"Don't be scared," I assured him as I pulled the new sweatshirt over his head. "You're probably just having chills from your temperature going up."

Nick bit his lip as he guided his arms through the baggy sleeves. "I wish I was back home."

"I know," I sighed patting his back. I would have felt the same way, especially if I were thirteen. "Lay down and rest," I instructed patting his bed. I was happy to see he hadn't perspired so terribly that his bed was still usuable. "I want to take your temperature. Try not to bite down on this, okay?"

He nodded his head as I slipped the thermometer between his lips.

I pulled the covers over his trembling form. When I joined the group I expected to sing and dance- not become a babysitter. But if I didn't look out for the kid right now, who would?

I removed the object reading the numbers aloud. "102.3. Gheesh."

"I feel so sick," he coughed.

"You need to take some more medicine," I stated twisting off the bottle cap as I spoke.

"Kevin?" the child whispered.

I spilled pills into his hand. "Yeah?"

"When will this end?"

I stepped into the small bathroom getting him a glass of water. "When will what end?"

"Travelling like this, Lou being so angry?"

I returned handing him the beverage. "I dunno. I just hope it's over soon, bud."

He struggled to swallow the pills. "He scares me sometimes...When he gets angry." His cheeks became flushed with color. "That makes me sound like a whimp, right? You never get scared."

"No, I get scared."

"What about?"

"My future. If my father is proud."

"Sure he is. You stand up to Lou!" He wrinkled his nose. "But I guess it's easier to stand up to somebody when you're taller than them, isn't it?"

"Not really."

He coughed resting a hand on his chest. "Maybe I don't belong here. Maybe I should just go back home and be normal." He groaned. "If I could be normal that is. All the kids at school hated me, but I was always leaving early- stuff like that. Maybe I should just stop this and be normal. Go to school and play sports."

"Is that really what you want?" I asked adjusting the blankets.

"I dunno."

"Do you like performing and being with the guys?"

"I love performing and the guys are nice. Howie's always been cool to me and Brian is awesome, and AJ is- well he's different."

"And me?" I asked partly worried of his response.

He shrugged. "You're like a big brother- a dad kinda'. Bossy and controlling but you're still a nice guy."

"I'll take that as a compliement."

"Would you get mad if I left?" he asked suddenly.

I took a deep breath. The questions kids ask are mind-boggling sometimes and finding the answer can be even more challenging. "Nick, I'd be upset, you know that. You're an asset to this group and a good kid. Right now you're ill, tired and homesick, no one can think clearly when they feel like that. Just try to get some sleep. Are the chills getting any better?"

"A little."

I stood shutting out the light. "Just get some sleep. Things will look better soon, you'll see." I looked over my shoulder to see him still shivering underneath the blanket. With a heavy sigh I crawled in the bed beside him wrapping an arm around his cold form in hope that my body heat would warm him. I made myself fall asleep wanting an escape from all the problems I faced while my eyes were opened.

*****************

"Take that!" Brian beamed as he sunk another basket. I needed to make a mental note to destroy the plastic game while the two younger singers were sleeping.

"Grrrhhh...." I groaned sitting up.

"Morning, Kev!" Brian replied cheerfully.

"Morning," I hissed through my teeth.

Nick sniffled. "What's for breakfast?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

Brian grabbed the bag of candy popping a piece into his mouth. "This works!"

"Candy for breakfast?" Nick questioned. "Cool!"

"Want some, Kev?" Brian offered.

I grimaced looking at the deformed tootsie roll lying in his palm. "No thanks."

"Suit yourself," he replied happily chewing.

I stretched my sore back. Nick was half my size but managed to take up the entire bed kicking me repeatively through the night and coughing in my ear. I sincerely hoped I had never put my parents through that when I was younger. Then, again Nick hadn't asked me to stay I had done so voluntarily....Should I be questioning my santity level? I glanced at the small blonde failing to keep up with Brian. "How are you feeling?"

His eyes remained focused on the game. "A bit better."

"No more chills?"

"Nada."

"Nada?" I repeated. "Since when did you say 'nada'?"

He shrugged. "Howie says it a lot."

"Oh." I glanced at my watch it was only eleven-thirty and I didn't feel like spending my day cooped in a hotel room with rampaging company.

I began making myself a peanut butter sandwich. "Hey, Brian, are you going to stay with Nick all day?"

"Well, I guess I am. Why do you ask?" he replied.

"I was thinking of going out."

Nick pushed his blonde hair out of his face. "What 'ya gonna' do?"

"I dunno- just walk I guess."

Brian raised an eyebrow. "It snowed last night, the sidewalks are covered and it's freezing. You want to go walking?"

"Yes."

My cousin rolled his eyes. "Looks like Nick isn't the only one who will have brouchitis."

"You don't have to be my keeper," I stated taking a bite of my sandwich.

Brian locked eyes with me. "You don't have to be ours either, but you are. And once we're taken care of you walk away-literally."

**********************

My shoes swished melted slush carelessly about the sidewalk as I hurried down the walkway in no particular direction. I stepped into a random store to warm myself so I could continue my endless journey.

Christmas decorations were scattered everywhere consuming all the open space. Thanksgiving hadn't even arrived, yet it had already been overlooked. I stared at a small tree glancing at each oranament. One of the dangling pieces caught my eye. I placed the heavy wooden figurine in my hand. A tall fireman like my father covered in ash holding a small puppy in his strong arms. In the uniform the words 'World's Greatest Dad' were engraved. I hugged the object. "I miss you, Dad. I need you. I need you so bad."

I felt so alone. People were surrounding me. Many diverse people- yet I felt as if I was the only one in the store. It's truly pitiful when people are near you and you're still alone.

I reached into my pocket lifting some of Lou's money into my palm. I immediately felt guilty for considering the idea of spending someone else's money on myself, for an item I really did need. Or was it possible I needed this more than anything else right now?

I placed the ornament back on the tree picking up one of the packaged replicas. With a heavy sigh I walked up to the counter to purchase the fireman.

"Hello, son," an edlerly lady greeted me a huge smile escaping her lips. "Will this be all for you?"

I nodded.

"What a nice ornament," she commented ringing up the decoration. "It should look lovely on your tree next month."

"Um, yeah, it should," I mumbled not wanting to start a conversation.

"$2.99," she said laying the purchase in a small brown paper bag.

I handed her three dollars remaining silent.

She reached over to hand me back the penny.

"Keep it," I responsed flatly.

"You could place it in the bell ringer's charity bucket for the Salvation Army," the employee suggested.

"What damn good would a penny do?" I grumbled.

"Every little bit helps."

I rolled my eyes taking the money. "I guess."

She frowned. "If you don't mind my saying so, you look lost."

I clutched the small bag. "I am lost."

I walked out of the shop tossing the worthless penny into the metal bucket listening to it fall against the other coins. I continued walking around aimlessly allowing my feet to guide my body instead of my brain.

I stopped as I came across an abandoned park taking a seat on the cold metal bench. I rested the small bag on my lap pulling out the ornament. I began to remove the packaging twirling the figurine in my hands.

"What do I, Dad? I'm lost." I sighed. "Grrrreat, I'm lost and talking to an ornament like it's my father! I'm not lost-I'm mental!"

I stared out into the old park. Snow covered the rusty broken down playground equidment turning everything white. Snowflakes began to leave the sky once again adding to the ivory setting. A cold drop of snow fell against my hand melting away in  flesh disappearing. The snowflake had disappeared so quickly when it touched my warmth, but gathered together against the land to create such a beautiful setting. Maybe the same scenario played in my life. If I banned together with the guys in the group we could make something great happened, but if I stood alone everything would melt away.

My current situation was proof enough. I had the opportunity to be with my band members in a nice warm room, instead I opted to sit freezing alone in the cold in the mist of nothing.

I stood brushing the snow off my coat clutching the paper bag in my hand. "Excuse me!" I shouted to a stranger passing by on the sidewalk.

"What?" he responsed somewhat angrily.

"I'm sorry," I quickly apologized. "It's just I've been lost in the city awhile and now that I know where I belong to need to get back."

The stranger despite his hurry provided directions. Directions I had been needing for months.

**********************

"KEVIN!" Brian exclaimed hugging me tightly as I entered the hotel. "I was getting scared you got lost."

I gulped. "I wasn't lost- exactly. I just lost track of time."

My younger cousin continued to cling to me. "Um, Bri, you can let go now- let me shut the door."

"Oh." He smiled sheepishly stepping away. "Sorry, cuz."

Nick smirked as I locked the door. "You look like a smurf."

"A smurf?" I stammered as I took off my coat.

"Duh, you're cold- smurfs are blue."

"Oh," I sighed wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. "How are you feeling?"

"Still sick," he answered staring at the television screen.

I raised an eyebrow. "Brian's accuatly letting you watch TV without changing the channel every ten minutes?"

He nodded. "It's a Scooby Doo marathon."

A Scooby Doo marathon? Should I have stayed alone in the cold afterall?

"What'd you get?" Brian asked breaking my trance pointing to the bag.

"Just an ornament."

"An ornament?" he repeated.

"Yeah."

"Can I see?" Nick asked extending his hand.

"I guess," I answered handing him the bag.

Nick's eyes saddened as he read the engraved lettering glancing up at me and then taking the stuffed dog I had given him in his arms. Somehow I felt he understood the importance of the item. "It's nice, Kevin."

I nodded returning the item to my grasp. "Yeah, it is."

Brian sat beside me. "What'd you do for three hours out there?"

"Just walked around."

He rolled his eyes. "You're going to be lucky if you don't end up with pnemonia."

"What are you my parent?" I asked.

"Well, you act like one to me! I was just returning the favor," he replied quietly.

I took a deep breath. "Brian, do you ever get so confused you think you're brain could permanently freeze from overworking itself? And you'll never get the answer?"

He nodded. "All the time, I've had questions all my life that have never been answered."

"Like what?" Nick wondered.

My cousin fidgeted. "Just questions about the heart."

"The human heart?"

"Yes," Brian whispered. I could see his face tighten and I hoped Nick wouldn't press the subject.

Nick hugged his toy dog. "I had a friend at the nursing home my mama worked at. She had a heart attack. She was the nicest lady ever with a such a good heart. I never could figure out why such a good person could have a "heart attack" when I knew they already had a good heart emotionally. So, I understand, Rok."

The teen's words surprised me. Maybe he did understand. He coughed holding his chest.

"You okay?" I asked lifting my brow.

He nodded still coughing.

I frowned. "It hurts, but at least you're coughing that nasty stuff out."

I stood walking over to him taking a seat beside him. I pressed my hand to his forehead. "You've still got a fever and you're looking a little pale. Why don't you try to get some sleep? You need to rest up for the trip."

"Okay," he whispered burying himself beneath the sheets pulling the dog to his chest. "Hey, Kev?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why doesn't Heaven have a zip code or a P.O box?"

"What are you talking about?"

Nick sighed. "I was just thinking- I understand that people and animals have to die and we can't see them again. But if God had a P.O. box we could still communicate with them, and let them know we're okay."

I stroked his forehead. "I think they know we're okay."

"But how do we know they're okay?"

Good question.

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