On The Outside: By Amy

Ch.7
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A happy grin lined Brian Littrell's lips as he walked alone in the cold, dark night. His pleasant mood seemed to brighten the black sky as he slowly came toward his small house on the corner. He crept up the steps, glancing through the window to see his neighbor and house guest involved in an intense card game.

"Hey, wait for me!" a raspy voice called out.

Brian turned his head, awaiting the owner of the voice to appear. He shook his head as he watched AJ McLean dancing freely across the black pavement.

"Ah, ah, ah I'm stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!" McLean sang loudly, sticking his fist in the air and swinging his hips from side to side.

"AJ, what the heck are you doin'?" Brian laughed.

"Can't you see?" AJ asked incredulously. "I'm givin' everybody on the block a show! You know no one can resist the J-Man."

The blue-eyed male rolled his eyes. "Everyone around here has built up an immunity to your crazy antics, now get your butt in here before you start wakin' people up."

"Party pooper," AJ said overdramatically, stomping up-the-stairs as the older teen unlocked the door.

The pair was greeted by the sounds of a bickering argument.

"Howie, you owe me a thousand dollars!" Nick claimed exuberantly, his body bouncing up and down against the carpeting.

"No, I do not," Howie replied calmly.

"Yes, you do!" the tiny blonde wailed. "I beat you fair and square five times!"

"You knew ahead of time we weren't playing poker for money," Howie reminded simply.

"Don't I get anything?"

Dorough shrugged. "The satisfaction of winning."

"That's no fun," Nick griped, crossing his arms. "You can't buy anything with satisfaction."

"Hi guys," Howie greeted the young teens, changing the lingering subject. "How was the dance?"

"It was off the hook!" AJ exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "I found me some fly hunnies."

Howie arched his brow. "And can you even remember the name of the girl you escorted?"

"Of course I do!" AJ proclaimed, feigning hurt. "Her name was Darcy."

Brian hung his head. "Her name was Dicey, you moron."

"Dicey..Darcy..there's not that big a difference," AJ mumbled, taking a seat beside Nick on the floor. "So, how bad did you beat D's ass?" he queried, thumbing through the deck of cards.

"Bad. Real bad," Nick answered. "Howie didn't stand a chance. He's always honest and couldn't make a poker face to save his life. He giggles."

"Poker's a stupid game anyway," Howie announced as he stood. "You guys want anything to eat? I'm a little hungry."

"You know me," AJ stated, "I'm always hungry."

Howie smirked, walking toward the small kitchen. "Yeah, I know. Why don't you go back to our place and change out of that gawdy outfit before John Travolta shows up and demands it back."

"I'll go change, but only because I don't want to get any stains on such a stylin' outfit!" AJ informed him, opening the door.

"Just don't dilly-dally," Howie lectured as he continued to search through the kitchen cabinets.

"We barely have any good food," Brian commented, resting his lean body against the door frame. "We really haven't had a chance to get to the grocery store, things have been a little hectic with Nick moving in, the dance at school and all that stuff."

Howie nodded. "AJ and I don't have much, but if you ever need anything and we can help out let us know. Or if you just need groceries I'm sure AJ would pick them up for you; he bags at the store afterall."

"We'll be all right," Brian yawned.

"Bingo!" Howie said, reaching into the cabinet. "Good ole Jiffy Pop."

Brian stepped away, wrinkling his nose. "Be careful with that stuff, Howie. It can go from popcorn to a smelly bomb of black smoke within a few minutes. I nearly set the house on fire with it."

"I'll be careful," Howie assured him as he turned the stove's burner. "Why don't you go change and keep Nick company? Maybe he can beat your ass at poker for a few hours instead of mine."

Brian sighed, standing upright. "That's because you're just too soft, D." The teenager's blue eyes narrowed as he returned to the living room. "Nick, what are you doing?"

Nick smiled sheepishly, looking up from the deck cards that rested within his grasp. "Nothin'."

"Try again."

"I was settin' it up so I would win again," Nick explained evenly.

"Nick!" Brian berated. "That's dishonest."

"Brian, anyone that expects poker to be an honest game is gonna' get beat. Nobody's ever honest in poker."

"And you're proud of your behavior?"

Nick's chest heaved upward as he drew in a deep breath. "Brian, when you're straving sometimes ya' don't care how you get money to pay for food. And at least if I beat someone at poker they knew they were givin' me the money, I think that's a little better than just flat out stealin' it."

Brian nodded. "Yeah, I guess I can see your point as odd as it is." He lifted his tired arms over his head, turning his body from side to side. "Well, I'm gonna' go get change clothes."

"Can I come?" Nick asked eagerly.

"Nick, I'm all for people being close. But there is a limit as to how close some people should get."

"Puh-leese," Nick said dramatically as he wore a disgusted statement. "I don't wanna' watch you, I just want some company, that's all."

"Oh, come on then, I'll tell ya' about the dance."

"Were there a lot of girls?!" Nick asked excitedly as he followed behind the older teenager.

Brian nodded. "Yep, but I was only interested in one. AJ, however, tried to get with every girl there."

"Get with?" Nick repeated as they entered the tiny bedroom. "You mean he wanted to have sex with that many in one night?"

"NO!" Brian exclaimed, his eyes widening in utter shock. "How do you even know about that? You're only thirteen-years-old!"

Nick shrugged as he plopped down on the mattress. "I ain't exactly lived the same life as most kids my age. I know the score."

Brian paled as he shut his bedroom, twisting the lock between his fingertips. "Um, Nick, just because you know the score doesn't mean that you have...Well.."

"I haven't got any action," Nick told him nonchantantly. "Tell me more about the dance," he urged, resting his head against Brian's pillow.

Brian blushed as he lifted his sweater over his head. "Well, it was fun. And Patti even told me my dancing was pretty good!"

Nick's brow furrowed as he glanced up at the lanky boy. "She must be real talented or real nice to be able to say that. I saw you, you're horrible."

"Oh, like you're any better," Brian shot back as he slid the borrowed sweater onto a clothing hanger.

Carter ignored the truthful comment and continued with his trail of questions. "The music any good?"

"It was okay, I guess. A little cheesy though."

"Anybody spike the punch?"

Brian groaned as he tugged a baggy red sweatshirt over his head. "Why do you ask such crazy questions?"

Nick propped up his weight on his elbow. "It's not crazy, kids do that all the time."

"Well, to answer your question- no, no one spiked the punch. Not that it would've mattered, it looked too nasty to drink anyway." Brian explained as he undid his belt buckle.

"Did Patti have a good time?"

"She said she did," Brian whispered, his cheeks flushing with color.

"Did you?"

"Absolutely, it was really nice."

Nick sat up as Littrell pulled a pair of sweatpants over his boxers. "Hey, didn't you have jacket tonight? I didn't see you wear it when you and AJ came in."

"Oh, I let Patti wear it home. I didn't want her to catch a cold or anything."

"But if she wore it home, you could have worn it back here."

"Stop thinking so hard, you might hurt yourself," Brian directed, taking a seat on the bed.

"You gave Patti your jacket, didn't you?"

"Um...well...I"

"Brian loves Patti...Brian loves Patti..." Nick sang, tilting his head back and forth.

"Shut up!" Brian exhorted, covering the blonde's mouth.

"Oh, come on," Nick moaned with a roll of his eyes. "You walk her home, take her to a dance and gave her your jacket...Did you kiss her?"

"I don't want talk about it," Brian answered shortly, turning away.

"Is she a good kisser?"

"How do you know I kissed her?"

Nick smirked as Brian stood, unable to face him. "Duh!"

"Okay, so I kissed her!" the other admitted. "When we got to her door I asked her if I could kiss her, and she said 'yes'. So, I did. End of story."

"End of story? Yeah right," Nick commented sarcastically. "Was it good?"

Brian bit his lip, feeling the coloring upon his cheeks grow even brighter. "It was great. And that's all I'm telling you, so, you better change the subject."

"Okay," Nick moaned, leaning against the wall. "I just wanted to know about the dance because I wish I could go."

Brian shook his head. "In order to go you'd have to go to school, and trust me, a single dance doesn't make up for school."

"I think school would be okay," Nick stated softly. "It would be a place I could go everyday and have a meal and shelter, and I could learn new things."

"It's a place where you can be reminded that the stuff they're teaching you doesn't matter because you'll never be able to get the heck out of Lendon to use it. Look at Howie."

"But he's still smart," Nick argued. "He works in a doctor's office."

Brian sighed. "Yeah, he works in a doctor's office doing the filing and all the other crap that no one else around the office wants to do. You don't exactly have to be a genius to sweep the floor."

"You sound so angry," Nick assessed, staring at Brian's distraught face. "I wouldn't be angry if I could go to school and have a place to live."

Brian held his head in his hands. "Nick, you always do a good job of calmly informing me what a jerk I'm being."

"You're not jerk," Nick replied. "It's okay to be angry, I am all the time."

"At least reading my mother's Bible helps me feel a little better," Brian whispered, lifting the thick book into his hands.

"The Bible?"

"Yeah," Brian said with a nod. "It talks about God and Jesus, Adam and Eve...Things like that. You wanna' look at it?"

"No," Nick answered quickly, turning away. "I don't believe in God. And even if there was a God I don't like him."

Brian gaped at the teen, surprised to hear such a blunt statement travel from his lips.

"Why, Nick?"

The pale boy crossed his arms. "Because if there isn't a God that explains why my parents died and if there is a God then He took my family away from me and I hate Him!"

"You shouldn't say that you hate God," Brian lectured softly. "God loves you, He loves everyone."

Nick's eyes narrowed into mean slits. "Well, there isn't a rule that says we have to love Him back and maybe I don't want to."

Brian lowered his head. "Nick, I know your life has been bad...really bad; but maybe now God is helping you."

"How?" Nick practically shouted. "By killing my parents, or taking away my brother and sisters ? Or maybe when I was put into mean foster homes or even more people I loved died!"

"Did you ever pray?"

Carter rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, I prayed. And a lot of good it did me. I'd pray one day and get slapped the next by some asshole! God never answered my prayers."

Brian gently placed his hand on the angry boy's shoulder. "God always answers our prayers, just sometimes he says 'no' or doesn't think it's the right time for someone to be granted their wish. Just because your life hasn't been so great doesn't mean that He doesn't exist or that He doesn't like you. Maybe He's answering your prayers now."

"How?" Nick asked meekly, brushing away the stray blonde strands that fell into his eyes.

Brian smiled. "Maybe God meant for me to find you."

**************************************

Smoke lingered in the air inside the jazzy music club, traveling from the rowdy customers mouths to the dirty ceiling. Kevin Richardson shuddered as he sat alone at the bar, nervously running his fingertips over the rim of his glass.

"So, when's our entertainment gonna' get her ass out here!" one the obxious drunks hollered.

"Yeah!" called out another bum. "We wanna' see the girl!"

"All right! All right!" the owner shouted, swangering onto the small stage. "Next up we have a little lady that's gonna' come out and give you boys some entertainment. Kit get on out here and give the fellas a show, girl!"

Kevin's eyes widened as he watched Kit slowly walk across the stage. Her long light auburn colored waves were pinned on top of her head, her dark eyes surrounded by a shimmering shade of golden eye shadow and a strapless hunter green satin dress covered her delicate form.

"Woo-hoo!" a customer cried out, rising from his seat. "Take it off, sugar!"

"Yeah!" another agreed. "I'd take you home and you could sing me to sleep at night baby!"

Kevin's eyes narrowed as he watched Kit back away from the crowd, embarrassment quickly consuming her. "Knock it off!" he ordered, slamming his fist against the table. "You're all a bunch of bastards! If you'd shut up for one damn minute you might have the honor of listening to Kit sing! She's a lady and deserves to be in the company of gentlemen. Now, I came here to hear her sing and I'm damn well going to. And I don't care if that means knocking each one of you jackasses unconscious to do so."

The ornery men became silent, settling into their seats and facing the stage.

Kevin gently raised his hand in the air, silently encouraging the young singer to continue.

Kit gently spoke into the microphone. "Thank you, tonight I'd like to begin my set with a special song, that's dedicated to someone very dear to my heart."

A smile spread over Kevin's thin lips as he listened to the beginning notes of 'My Funny Valentine' leaving the piano. He entered a trance as he watched Kit calmly sing, swaying her body from side to side to the slow rhythm. He smirked watching her tease the uncouth barbarians, passing them flirtatious smiles or sultry gestures. With ease the singer would belt out a powerful note or barely whisper the sweet lyrics into the microphone.

Kevin sighed, speaking to himself as Kit softly held out the last note of the material. "Oh, Kit, this isn't where you belong."

The singer continued for the next hour, singing over the slamming beer bottles and fights that broke out amongst hammered patrons. Patiently awaiting to sing her next song while Kevin lectured a few of the ignorant men and threatened some of their pathetic lives.

The redhead slowly walked away from the stage, paying no attention to the whistles and offers than came her way as she passed each table. "Hi, Kev," she whispered, embracing him in a tight hug.

"What's the big hug for?" he pondered, gently rubbing her back, feeling the soft material glide between his fingers.

She rested her head against his shoulder, never releasing her grip. "Because it's nice to have someone here that just wants to hear me sing. My mother would turn over in her grave if she saw what I was doing."

"What's so wrong with it?" Kevin questioned, pulling away to face her. "You're not doing anything wrong. You dress up like a lady and sing like a star, it's the creeps in the audience that are being nasty."

Kit bit her ruby-colored lips. "I just don't know how much longer I can take this, Kev. I just don't want to live this way anymore. Being in this God forsaken place. I want so much more than this."

"Then, go get it!" Kevin encouraged, placing his hands to her shoulders. "You've got what it takes and I know you could make it! I'd give you as much money as I can and get you on a bus to New York, you like the sound of that?"

"I love the sound of that," she admitted softly. "But it's impossible, I can't leave Patti and my grandmother right now. They need me and I need them."

"But it'll happen soon, Kit," Kevin promised, watching her slide into the seat beside him. "You were meant for more than this, you're really meant to be somebody."

"And what about you?" she inquired, staring into his piercing green eyes. "Do you want to live in this hellhole forever?"

"Of course not, but I'm not as talented or as driven as you are."

Kit shrugged. "You could always go with me, ya' know. A singer needs a pianist. I could leave after Patti gets ready for college. She's really smart and involved at things at school, I'm sure she'll get enough schloarship money to go somewhere away from this retched place. Then, my grandma could easily live off her retirement money without the burden of two mouths to feed. And Brian would be able to go with her."

Kevin shook his head. "It wouldn't work for me. I'd still have Nick to worry about and Brian doesn't seem to want to go to high school let alone college."

Kit grinned. "I am happy you're taking in Nick. He deserves to stay with a family as kind as you and Brian are. I wish I could help people out the way you do."

"You help your sister and your grandmother. Isn't the dress Patti wore tonight one of your old outfits?"

Kit nodded. "Yeah, I just took it in a little and brought up the hem line. I'm taller than she is and..." She blushed, glancing down at her torso. "And more developed in some regions. But sewing and singing don't exactly qualify as helpful."

Kevin chuckled, passing his glass toward her. "You wanna' sip? It's just water."

"No thanks," Kit whispered, resting her elbow against the countertop. "Richardson, could I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Did you ever have this weird feeling like something was going to happen? Something that was going to change your life and the lives of people you knew."

The dark-haired man shrugged. "Not really, I'm not into my emotions and the emotions of people around me like you are."

Kit gave him a small grin. "Women are more connected with things than men are in general. It's not your fault."

Kevin tilted his head. "So, tell me about this eerie feeling."

"It's not necessarily an eerie feeling," Kit corrected. "I'm probably just being stupid anyway. Nothing ever happens around here that's evolutionary."

"Nah, I doubt you're being stupid. Maybe it's a sign of something good happening to you."

"Or you," Kit suggested. "Hell, maybe it's Nick."

Kevin smirked. "Yeah, I bet."

"You never know, maybe bringing Nick into your life will help you just as much as it'll help him. Maybe my premonition simply means that your application to be a foster parent will go through and Nick will have a home."

Kit winced as a rambunctious customer standing near her threw a glass to the floor, the object shattering near her feet.

Kevin sighed. "You wanna' get outta' here for a few minutes before you have to start another set?"

"Yeah," Kit whispered, carefully stepping away from broken pieces. She followed behind Kevin's large frame, exiting the chaotic bar for the serentity that laced the night air.

"It's getting colder and colder everyday," Kevin said, shivering.

Kit smiled, looking up at the starry sky. "I like it."

Kevin shook his head. "Kit O'Day, I will never understand you."

The redhead looked back over her shoulder, grinning at her longtime friend. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"Take my jacket," Kevin offered, sliding the heavy material away from his body.

"I thought you were cold?"

"I have on a sweater," he stated, "I'll be fine. Take it."

"Thank you," she replied, gratefully. She took in a deep breath as he wrapped the warm fabric around her bare shoulders. "It's a nice night, look at how the beautifully the stars and moon are glowing."

Kevin peered up at the sparkling display of lights twinkling in the sky. "Yeah, I never really noticed these types of things before. Are you always so observant?"

"Yes, I guess I am," Kit admitted, facing him. "It's nice to have a distraction from all this. From forcing myself to act stronger  than I really am, or singing over slamming beer bottles or seeing my grandmother slip closer and closer to death's doorstep daily. I hate it. When I look at the sky seeing the stars and moon, or a sunrise or a sunset....It's like a little piece of what my life might be someday. With a light shining down on me to guide my way through the dark times, helping me get through and make my life better. Make Patti's life better..."

Kevin frowned. "Kit, you're kinda' worrying me. You're not acting at all like yourself."

"Oh, just ignore me. I know I must sound a like a crazy person. Talking about premonitions and how stars look in the sky. Maybe I need a cat scan."

"No, you don't," Kevin assured her, resting his palm against her waist. "I think it's nice. Most people around here have given up on dreaming all together, it's nice to know someone still does."

"You don't dream at all?" Kit questioned in surprise. "There's nothing you truly wish for? Maybe when you're alone. Wishing for something that would make you happy."

"There is something," Kevin whispered, turning away from her.

"Well, tell me!" she exclaimed, rushing behind him.

The tall man looked down at her skeptically. "You tell me first."

"I already told you," she reminded. "I told you I want to get from here and make my life better and my family's life better."

Kevin shook his head. "No, tell me something simple. Not complex, or life-altering...just something that would make you happy."

Kit's eyes widened. "For guy that says he isn't in touch with his feelings that was pretty poetic, Richardson."

"Well, thank you, Miss O'Day, but now you're avoiding the question."

"Okay, I'll tell you! But you can't laugh," she enforced, crossing her arms. "Promise?"

"Boy scout's honor," he promised, showing her the childhood gesture.

"Okay." Kit smiled as she began twisting her hands back and forth anxiously. "I want to be a butterfly."

"Excuse me?" Kevin asked, pushing away the laughter that attempted to escape.

"I want be like a butterfly," she retorted. "A butterfly starts out as this ugly little caterpillar and then it becomes a beautiful butterfly. With wings to fly away. Kinda' like my situation here, maybe one day I'll be more than this and not be here."

Kevin cocked his head to the side, studying her statement. "Why not be a bird then? Then, you'd fly sooner."

Kit rolled her brown eyes. "Because butterflies are more colorful and lighter. You seriously have no imagination. But tell me what you want anyway."

"It's not as intricate as yours'."

"That doesn't matter, all that matters is that it's important to you."

"No laughing?"

Kit ran her fingertips over her chest. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

"I want to fall in love," Kevin stammered. "I want someone to be in my life that I take care of but...not as guardian. Someone that could relay the love and care I give right back."

"Why would I laugh at that?" Kit queried with a smile. "I think that's beautiful."

"You don't understand," he sighed, staring at the empty street.

"What do you mean?"

"Kit," he whispered, stepping toward her. "I meant with you. I think I could fall in love with you."

Kit held her breath, turning away as she shut her eyes. "I better get back inside."

"No, wait!" Kevin begged, placing his body in front of hers'. "It's okay if you don't feel the same way, I was stupid to think you would."

Kit shook her head, tears glistening in her dark eyes. "No, it's not that. I think I could fall in love with you. But... I don't that it could ever happen."

"Why not?"

"I don't know!" she cried in exasperation. "I'm telling you whatever feeling this is that's taking over me is just....so confusing. It's almost like I know that it couldn't. And that I'll never get away from here, but that you will be okay. Like, it's fate or something."

Kevin took her hand. "I think you're reading too much into this. Heck, maybe you feel weird because you're coming down with the flu or something."

"No, it's not that. I'm sorry that I dragged you into all of my crazy thoughts."

"I'm sorry that I don't understand them," Kevin replied gently.

Kit gave his hand a small squeeze. "It's all right, I don't think I understand myself. But now, I've really got to get back inside before the owner storms out here swearing at me and practically threatening my life. You should go home."

"Absolutely not," Kevin argued. "I'm not about to leave you alone in this place it's crazy. Actually, I think you should just leave now and let me take you home."

Kit wore a sad smile as she gazed up at him. "You always want to protect me, don't you?"

"Yeah, naturally I do," he responded. "I don't want you to get hurt and you're obviously going through a confusing time, and I wanna' help you through it."

"Kevin, promise me something," Kit muttered beneath her breath.

"Anything."

The singer hugged him tightly, resting her head against his chest. "You're the kindest man I've ever met, never change." Kit's words trailed off as she rose to her tiptoes placing a delicate kiss against Kevin's lips.

Kevin stared at the girl in disbelief as she silently turned away, walking back toward the rowdy. She glanced back at him, her eyes locking with his. Then, she vanished behind the wooden door.

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