Chapter 23

(Nick's point-of-view)

"I'm really not hungry," I moaned as the nurse took my blood pressure. I was secretly glad to see that Katie was now taking care of me. That meant: pretty scenery, Dr.Turtle should be here adding more pretty scenery and Charlie the Amazon would have to stay the hell away from me.

She sighed staring at the meal tray. "What if I got you some saltines?"

"Saltines?" I repeated.

Kevin stroked my forehead. "Crackers, Nick."

"Oh, okay," I lied. As if they would stay down. But I had to try, the hunger pains were intense.

She nodded. "I'll be right back and Dr.Turtle will be here in a few moments."

I faced Kevin. "Any word on my dad yet?"

"The planes are still down, buddy. He's trying his damnest, but nothing seems to let up. I've been thinking- do want us to contact an aunt or uncle? Maybe a grandparent?"

"Nah, no use worrying them. And none of them live near by."

He sighed changing the subject. "Hey, Brian's coming back. That should make you feel better. After he caught a nap he was coming back to be with you."

Send AJ back. I've become quite fascinated with 'Pooh Porn' and nothing seemed as serious with AJ around being a goofball. "That's cool. Is he doing okay?"

"He's doing pretty good. What about you?"

"I hurt a lot. Nothing new."

"Well, your fever did come down a little bit."

"Yeah." 102.4-record breaking.

Kevin fidgeted. "You're awfully quiet."

The glands in my throat are the size of baseballs...What did he expect? "Oh, sorry."

"Don't be. Something on your mind?"

"Nothing really."

He frowned. "We could talk about it."

"No, it's not important."

Not important? Well, that was a lie. Me telling a lie....Lately, my world revolved around them. The nurse returned placing a package of crackers in my hand. "Here 'ya go, Dr.Turtle's coming."

Kevin opened the package staring at me oddly. "You okay, Nick?"

"I feel sick. Very sick."

"I know," he whispered returning the crackers to me, "but you seem so distant."

Distant? It was only fitting, considering I didn't know where I would end up going if I didn't get better.

"Hello, Nickolas."

I looked up. "Hey, Dr.Turtle."

She frowned swinging her long red locks over her shoulder. "Sounds like you're about to lose your voice."

I shrugged. "That could be a good thing, then you wouldn't have to listen to me whine."

Kevin chuckled. "Trust me, Miss, you don't want to hear that."

"It couldn't be that bad," she replied reviewing my charts. "I heard you had a rough time with the tests this morning?"

"Yeah, it didn't go so well. Charlie didn't like me."

"Charlie?" she repeated her jaw clenched. I swear the woman was doing a Kevin impression. Apparently, I'm not the only one who dislikes the ape from hell. "I am sorry to hear that. I really am sorry I had to request them, but I honestly didn't have a choice."

"I understand."

"Have any of the results come back?" Kevin pondered gazing at the doctor.

"Not the results from today's test, but I did receive the counts from the blood work. Everything was relatively normal."

Kevin continued his questioning. "What wasn't?"

"His protein levels, other vitamins he lacking due to malnurishment from the vomiting."

"What comes next?" I asked as she felt my glands.

"A scope."

"The mouth wash?"

She smiled. "No, it's a medical procedure giving an inside view of your stomach."

"I thought that's what the ultrasound did?"

"It did, but a scope will give us a better indication of what's going on. A small camera will go inside your stomach and-"

"Whoa! How bad will this hurt?"

"You'll be asleep."

Thank you God.

"Mr.Carter, the camera will be-"

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not hear about it. If that's okay?"

"Very well."

She pressed against my stomach. "Any changes? More pain? Less?"

"Same."

"What about your muscle cramps and body aches?"

"Same."

"The dizziness?"

"Same."

The doctor took a deep breath. "I see. Is the sedative helping?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"I'll make certain to have Katie give you a higher dosage later to help you sleep." She seemed helpless almost meak now. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

There's always the random idea of making me better. But since that's not going to happen..... Why not strip? Remove your shell, Dr.Turtle! Hey, you're a beautiful woman, doc. And if you don't believe me ask Kevin. He's staring hard enough. And bring back the nurse she's cute, too. Good grief......What had AJ's 'Pooh Porn' done to me?

"Uh, no, I'm okay."

Kevin patted my shoulder. "He's been zoning out a lot. Kinda' drifting off."

She felt my forehead. "I'd blame it on the fever and dizziness. Is the pain worse after you space out?"

"No."

I'm sure my blunt and simple answers weren't helping her.

"I have other patients to tend to, but I'll try to check up on you as often as possible. And Katie will be in here regularly."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem. Now, you just rest. And hit your buzzer if you need anything, all right?"

I nodded.

She faced Kevin as she walked to the door. "Mr.Richardson, if you're not comfortable leaving Nick and need anything, I'm sure one of the nurses would be happy to tend to you."

He flashed her a charming smile. "Thank you, Dr.Turtle."

What was that?! Did my hot doctor just hit on Kevin? That's not fair! I have to piss in a freakin' metal pan under my bed, the least I can get is flirtation from the redhead!

He beamed. "She's nice."

Yeah, yeah...Go ahead rub it in. So maybe a sweaty, vomiting, pale blonde isn't a turn on to a pretty doctor. I

turned my head. What the hell was wrong with me? Had I been pondering the same question all day to a point it was making me crazy?

"I just don't know what to do for you now," Kevin said softly. "Do you want me to sing again?"

"That's okay." I coughed roughly my chest heaving up and down. "You don't even have to stay with me, Kev."

His eyes narrowed. "Why wouldn't I stay with you?"

"I dunno."

I stared out the window at the blank scenery. "Kevin, do you think I'm a good guy?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean overall, despite my temper and childlishness. Do you think I'm a good person? That I've never really tried to hurt anyone?"

"I think you're a very good person. Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

He cleared his throat. "You want to watch some tv?"

"No, it gives me a headache."

I felt guilty, I was making Kevin nervous, but I can't pretend to be fine when I'm not.

"Hey guys!" a voice at the door called.

Kevin stood. "Hey, Brian."

Brian hugged me tightly. "Hi, Frack!"

"Hi."

He frowned hearing my voice. "Your throat hurting?"

I nodded.

Kevin yawned. "He's been feeling pretty bad and keeping to himself."

Brian nodded. "I'd say that's pretty understandable."

I continued to gaze out the window. I felt an eager need to climb out the window into the open world. Away from needles, pain and worry. Maybe that's my destiny-to get away.

"Has he kept anything down?" Brian wondered rubbing my cold arm.

Kevin yawned once more. "He hasn't tried, luckily, he hasn't thrown up again on a lighter note. The nurse brought him some saltines to try."

"You want a cracker, Nick?"

My eyes remained at the window. "Sure, Bri."

He placed the cracker in my palm. "You want a drink or anything?"

I nibbled at the disgusting cracker. "No thanks."

"What 'ya looking at?"

I turned my head from the window. "Nothing really."

Brian took a seat by my bed eyeing Kevin's slumped form. "Kev, you all right? You don't look so hot."

Oh, great....Now, I had given the mystery ailment to Kevin.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"Brian, I said I'm fine!"

"But you look tired and sick-"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you two ever get tired of acting like each other?"

Brian grimaced. "I don't act like him!"

No, Brian, you're just worrying about your cousin's health obsessively. No similiarity what so ever.......Riiiight.

"Kev, you look exhuasted, man."

Taking a good look at Kevin I realized the truth in Brian's words. His face was darkened with the slight growth of whiskers from his stay with me, his skin pale and he could barely keep his eyes open. The guy was a mess. Leading himself to a vacation stay with me in this medical paradise.

"Kevin, why don't you go back to the hotel?" I asked.

"I'm staying right here."

Brian interjected. "I'll stay with Nick. You just go to the hotel get a shower, some food and most importantly some sleep."

"I'm telling you-"

"Go, Kevin, you're making yourself sick," I whispered.

"You're positive you don't need me?"

"Yeah, Brian's here. Go get a ride to the hotel."

He stood hugging me with all his might. "I love you, lil man."

"Ditto."

Brian hugged Kevin. "Get some sleep."

Kev rolled his eyes departing. "Whatever, Dr.Littrell."

"I swear that man is stubborn as a mule."

I glanced at Brian lifting my brow. "Oh, I don't know anyone like that. Anyone that puts aside their own health for someone else."

He chuckled. "Okay, I see your point. Maybe we are a little alike."

Little? The man is living in a world of denial.

I hugged the turtle Howie and AJ had given me. "May I ask you a question, Bri?"

"Sure."

"Even if it's really serious?"

He shrugged. "I don't see why not."

"Do you think it'll hurt to die?"

"What kind of a question is that?!"

"I had just been thinking about it."

"Well, don't think about it!" he snapped. "You're not going to die!"

I gazed into the darkness behind the window. "You don't know that. I've been sick a long time and they have no idea what's wrong."

He ran his hands through his hair. "Why would you even bring this up?"

"Because I thought you would understand," I answered bluntly.

"I can't understand why you would be thinking of this."

"Because this is very real, Bri. The pain is real, the fear is real-death is real. I just wanted someone to talk to me about it."

"But-"

"Please, Bri. Do you think it'll hurt to die? Remember when you were so sick as a kid? What happened?"

He swallowed hard. "All I remember is a bright light. Then, suddenly I was back. I don't remember too much, Nick."

"What about pain? Does death hurt?"

He sighed taking my hand. "I think the process of death might hurt at first, but then once you reach a certain point that God and his angels will make the pain go away and lead you home."

I faced him. "Do you think I'll go to heaven?"

Tears rimmed his eyes as he fought for words. "Y-yes, you will. When the time is right."

"You really think there is such a place? That we don't just lie in the ground decaying?"

"I think God and heaven exist. They've created so many miracles already."

"I don't want to die."

Tears slid over his cheeks. "I don't want you to either."

I took a raspy breath. "Will you be okay if I die?"

"Me?"

I nodded. "Yeah. You and all the guys."

"Nick, it's not something I've thought about."

"I don't want to leave you in pain."

Brian gasped wiping his eyes. "Nick, if you were to die I would just hope you were no longer in pain and you had found a place with God. Which, you will. But I would hurt very much, everyone would. The pain would be- be unbearable."

My lips quivered. "I don't want to cause you pain."

"Nick, if it's your time.." He shook his head. "I can't have this conversation."

"All right."

What had I done? I should've just kept my mouth closed.

Katie returned with a generous supply of intervenous drugs in her grasp and my Care Bear. "Here, Nick, their all done cleaning it. I'm sure your sister will be glad to see it's as good as new." She patted my arm. "Did you eat anything?"

I glanced down. "A bite of a cracker."

"Well, it's better than nothing." She changed the IV. "Now, this will make you sleepy very quickly and it's stronger than what you had before, so, it's normal to feel a slight difference as you fall asleep. Do you want anything?"

"No, thank you."

"All right, get some sleep." She faced Brian. "Mr.Littrell, are you staying the night?"

"Yes, there was a change of plans."

She nodded. "All right, just make yourself comfortable on the spare cot when you're ready and don't be afraid to buzz me if you need anything."

"Thank you."

He stood rubbing my forehead. "She's sweet."

"Yeah, she and Dr.Turtle are the best."

"I can see why."

"Brian, I'm sorry I brought that up earlier."

"That's all right, Frack. I'm glad you got it off your chest."

I yawned. "Do you mind if I go to bed now?"

"No, go on. You need you rest."

"Thanks, Bri. I love you."

"I love 'ya, too."

I shut my eyes hoping to open them in the morning.

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