Chapter 31

(Nick's point-of-view)

"Hello, young man," an Irish accent whispered.

I lifted my head to see a tall, thin redheaded man with a residing hairline walking toward me.

"It's nice to see you awake. You were asleep the last time I checked on you yesterday afternoon."

I yawned. "Is it morning already?"

"Yes, Mr.Carter."

I stared at him. "So, you're my doctor?" Doctor? I vote we change the term to 'torture organizer'. What pain did he have in store for me now? Only to tell me hours later the results were still inclusive.

He extended his hand. "I'm Dr.Turtle." Grrrrreat....Deja vu..... The first 'Dr.Turtle' didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. So, they decide to play 'the name game' with my medical well-being?

Kevin cleared his throat. "Nick, this is Dr.Turtle's father. Remember the pretty redheaded lady?"

I remember her figure as well as you do Kev, thank you very much. I nodded. "Yeah, she was nice."

He smiled his dimples wrinkling beneath his mask. "Annie's a sweet girl and a remarkable doctor."

Remarkable doctors are the ones that can't figure out what's wrong with their patients? And to name a redheaded girl 'Annie' is cruel. I wonder how many times kids sang 'The sun will come out tomorrow....' in her ear? And maybe he demanded she follow in his footsteps. 'Like father, like daughter'. Am I too young to demand a different physician?

He placed his stethoscope against my chest. "Annie's the only doctor at that facility with a heart, sometimes. I don't know of any other doctor that would've tried nearly as hard to get you switched in here, son."

Okay, I take it back. Your daughter is remarkable.

"How are you feeling today?"

I grimaced as he poked my stomach. "To be honest not too good." I rubbed my forehead. Whoa, I was sweating like a pig! Had my fever gone up again? I moaned. "I really don't feel good."

"Could you ellaborate?"

"I feel more like I did when all of this first started happening. My stomach is churning, my head is throbbing and I'm aching all over." Oh, please tell me I'm not going to start vomiting every five minutes again! I seriously don't think my body or mind could handle that. Both are weak. I guess blonde jokes are somewhat true.

He frowned. "Your temperature has risen since yesterday. It's back up to a hundred-and-one." He felt the glands in my neck. "Your progress appears to be deterating, Mr.Carter." This guy was given a diploma to restate the obvious? In that case, call me Dr.Nickolas Carter. He stared at me intensely his eyes narrowing above his mask. "Nick.....Son, I'd like to request a spinal tap."

I massaged my temples. "Let me guess- it's going hurt like a bitch, right?"

"That's about the long and short of it."

I shrugged. "Whatever. I don't care anymore."

Kevin's eyes widened as he gazed at me. "What do you mean 'you don't care'?"

"I mean exactly that, Kev. I don't care anymore if they even figure out what's wrong with me. I'm getting use to feeling like shit and going through painful tests. Waking up and going to sleep to the sounds of shuffling nurses and clanging hospital instruments. The disgusting smells always filling my nose. I'm getting used to it now."

He gripped his bedsheet his knuckles turning white. "What the hell are you talking about, Kaos?"

"I'm trying to make myself numb. Maybe I'm meant to be sick the rest of my life and never feel better. Or maybe this is it. Maybe this is the end. And I'll never even see my family again."

"That's enough, Nick!" Kevin snapped sitting up. "I don't want to hear one more word of you giving up or not seeing your dad again! Got it?"

I stared out the window at the open gray sky. "Whatever you say. I feel the way I did awhile back when I'd pass out and puke all the time. I'm not going to cry or throw fits anymore." I clutched my head. "Could I please just go back to bed? The light hurts my eyes and head."

The old man nodded. "Very well. The test will be in a few hours."

"Okay." He rubbed my back. "Don't give up hope yet, Nick. You've come through the dark before. I have faith you'll come through this with flying colors."

I tried to give him a smile, but found my attempt useless. "Thank you, doctor."

"Sleep well."

"Nick, what has gotten into you?" my oldest band mate hissed as the doctor exited.

I placed my hands over my eyes. "Kevin, please be quiet. I can't handle this today." I groaned as a spasm of stabbing pain ran through my spine. "Ahh!" I yelped rolling onto my side.

"Nick?!" Kevin cried getting out of bed as best he could dragging the IV behind him. I gritted my teeth taking small breaths. "I hurt. I hurt bad."

He sighed. "I know, kiddo. You were doing so much better...."

I nodded still staying in the fetal position. "I don't know what happened."

"Do you want me to see if the doctor can give you something?"

"No, nothing ever works anyway." I bit my lip. "I just want to sleep."

Kevin sat across from me. "Nick?"

"What?"

"You want me to sing to you?"

"You feel up to it?"

"I'm fine, Nick."

"Then, why are you still in the hospital?" I scoffed.

"My fever is much lower and I'm off oxygen now. I feel a lot better."

Thanks, Kevin, rub it in.

He stroked my damp forehead. 'Christopher Robin and I walked along......'

***************************

"Nick......Nick......." an Irish accent called again.

I opened my eyes. "Huh?" I blinked. "Oh, hi, Dr.Turtle."

"Hello, Nickolas. It's time for your spinal tap." He said patting my shoulder. I saw AJ, Howie and Brian standing in the back of the room.

I yawned. "Is Brian coming with me?"

Brian frowned. "I can't buddy. But I'll be waiting for you when you come out though."

I rubbed my stomach. "Oh, okay."

Howie glanced down at my stomach. "You okay, Nick?"

Dr.Turtle turned to him. "He's not doing as well today as he had been."

"His temperature is elevated, doctor," the nurse said as she retrieved the thremother from my ear. "It's 102.3." He sighed. "Let's hurry this along so he can rest."

He? Thanks for talking about me like I'm not even here. I really appreciate it. Dr.Turtle helped the nurse pull my sheets back.

"Come along, Nick, we'll help you to the wheelchair."

I shivered. "Could Brian and Howie help me?" No offense, AJ, but contary to belief we do call you 'Bone' for more than one reason. He's built like a fence railing.

I leaned against Howie settling down in the thin seat. "If I'm ever rich enough I'm outlawing wheelchairs."

AJ laughed. "Nick, what in the hell are you talking about?"

"They're so whimpy. A patient should at least get an electric wheelchair. Then, on the days you felt better you could race other patients. Or chase after hot nurses or doctors you hate."

My doctor paled. Oops......I forgot this is a religious hospital. So sue me, I feel like hell. Okay, wrong word to use.

Brian cleared his throat. "Um....Nick gets a little loppy when he gets a high fever."

"As if he's not messed up without it," AJ scoffed.

The nurse pushed me to the door. "Let's roll."

"Wait." I faced Brian. "You know a lot about medical tests, right?"

"Yeah, Frack, I guess."

"Is this gonna' hurt? And how serious is it?"

He opened his mouth, but the words couldn't seem to form. I stared at my bare feet lying aganist the metal rests. "That's what I thought."

Dr.Turtle gave me a small grin. "Let's go, Nick. It'll be over before you know it."

Yeah, that's what they said before drawing blood. Then, my veins decided to play 'hide and go seek'. "Okay."

Kevin locked eyes with me. "You're going to be okay," he said slowly almost as if he were convincing himself. "We'll see you in a little while."

I shrugged. "Okay."

Howie fidgeted. "Cheer up, Nicky. Maybe your dad will be here when you're all done."

"Maybe." And with that said the blonde nurse wheeled me into the white hall.

"All right, Nick, the nurse is going to take you down to the treatment while I get ready." Dr.Turtle explained.

"Okay." I stared at the moving floor as she pushed me along the empty hall. "So, what's your name?"

"Katie."

"Really? I had a really nice nurse at the other hospital named 'Katie'."

"Small world, huh?"

"Yeah. Why do I have to have this test? Isn't it for menigitis or something?"

"Yes, and it's also used for bone marrow."

I gripped the arms of the old wheelchair. "Bone marrow?"

"Yes. The test does hurt, but it really doesn't take that long. Getting ready for it is the longest part. The test itself is done within minutes." Say whatever you like, lady. But after discussing 'menigitis' and 'bone marrow' your words aren't calming. "Here we are!" she announced.

If your so damn excited why don't you have a needle shoved in your back in my place?

She smiled. "Hop up on the bed and sit up for me."

I stood with her assitance making my way to the cot. "When is this all going to end?"

"What do you mean?"

I weakly boosted myself up. "All the testing, the pain?"

"I wish I could tell you."

"Yeah, I wish you could, too. I'm going to know this hospital better than my own home by the time this is all over."

"Well, this a big hospital with many wards. I don't even know my own way perfectly." My body shook ruffling the thin sheet lining behind me. "Are you cold, Mr.Carter?"

"Very-it's freezing. Every inch of this place is."

She turned away from me rummaging in the green cabinets the behind the cot. "I'll get you some footies."

"Footies?"

"Footies," she repeated holding small olive green socks to my eye level."They look like rejected socks the department store refused to sell." "They may not be fashionable, but they'll warm up your feet," she stated placing them on me. At least when these things land me a spot on People's Worst Dressed List, I cannot honestly say I did not choose them or even put them on myself.

"Hello, Nick. You doing all right?" Dr.Turtle asked as he re-joined us.

"No different than I was three minutes ago. So, how does this start?"

He adjusted his rubber gloves. "I'm going to have you lean over so I can select the best location between your veberate for entrance."

'Entrance'? I had been in a hospital long enough to know the truth hidden behind his words. This test was going to inflinct severe pain.

"Just lean forward," he instructed placing his hands along my spine. I did as I was told nervously biting my lip as his hands scaled the area. He paused at my lower back gingerly applying pressure. "This is a good spot. Okay, I'm going to have you curl up in a ball now."

"Curl up in a ball?"

"Go into the fetal position. Roll over onto your side and hug your knees to your chest. This is the position you'll be in during the test. So, by having you assume the position now I can double check the area I selected for the best accuracy."

"Okay." I whispered as the nurse helped assume the new position leaning over me to make sure I didn't move.

The doctor's hands returned to my lower back. "Yes, this area will be just fine."

"Does she have to keep on holding me?"

"It's very important you don't move, Nickolas."

I sighed. I already felt incredibly ill, and this position was anything but comfortable.

"This might feel a little cold," he said he cleaned the skin.

I attempted to move away but the nurse only tightened her grip. "Agh! That stuff is freezing."

"I'm sorry." I looked around anxiously as I felt something soft being placed against my cleansed skin.

"What's that?"

"Towels. To keep the area as small as possible."

Figures the soft touch couldn't have been the end of the test... Dr.Turtle's hands returned to poking my spine. He pulled away taking a deep breath.  "All right, Nick, just try to keep yourself calm. After the needle enters you're going to feel a lot of pressure, okay?"

"Okay."

"Now, I want you to think of something special. Maybe one of your favorite memories."

I shut my eyes remembering the day we got our record deal.

"Well, Boys, we did it!" Lou shouted holding the paper in the air.

"Hot damn!" AJ exclaimed grabbing Howie in a hug.

Kevin bit his lip fighting tears. "It happened.....It finally happened!"

Brian pulled me into his arms lifting me from the ground. "We're gonna be superstars, Nick! We're gonna' be famous!"

"Wahoo!" I screamed clutching his neck.

"AHHHHH!" I screamed as the needle entered my back.

Katie locked her arms. "Hold on, sweetie."

"GOD!!!" I gasped. I couldn't help it. I felt as though someone had shoved a knife into my spine cutting away my flesh. The pressure was unbareable. If felt as if the needle weighed a thousand pounds against my spine.

"Just hold steady," the nurse reassured me. "Almost done. One more minute."

'One more minute' seemed like a lifetime as the needle remained between my veberate.

"Okay, done," Dr.Turtle breathed removing the needle the pressure slowly disappearing. The nurse continued to hold me as he bandaged and cleaned the area once more. My body shook uncontrollably, tears falling from my eyes. I had never been in such pain.

"I want my dad," I managed to choke out.

"I know you do, honey. But he's not here yet. Do you want me to get your friend?"

"I-I want B-Brian," I stuttered.

She stroked my cheek as the doctor finished the bandaging. "Very well. I'll go get him in a moment."

Dr.Turtle gently rolled me onto my back . "I'm sorry, Nick. But I had to do it."

I winced pain shooting through my spine as my weight fell against my back. "I understand."

"We're going to have you lye down flat on your back right here for about an hour. Try to stay perfectly still."

"Why?"

"Hopefully, to prevent a severe headache. Many patients have had painful headaches after this procedure and I'm going to prevent it if I can."

"Can Brian still be with me?"

"Yes, he can sit with you. And talk to you." He turned away. "Go on and bring Mr.Littrell back here, nurse." He faced me again. "I'm going to take this to the lab. Just lye still and try to relax." I took a deep breath.

"Okay." I shut my eyes. I pity anyone that has had that done. Who knew trying to get better could hurt so much.

"Nick?" came a soft whisper.

I opened my teary eyes. "Frick?"

"Yeah, Frack, it's me," he said softly walking toward the bed. I turned my head to see him. "No, no, don't move," he said shaking his head. He looked shocked at my appearance. They had now lifted 'the isolation rule' and he had returned to his causal look I was accustomed to. I kept my body still.

"I'll leave you two alone," the nurse called from the door. "I'm turning off the lights, sometimes that helps."

"I hate the dark," I moaned.

"It'll be okay, Nick, I'm right here," Brian reassured me taking my hand. "Just close your eyes and stay still like they told you."

"Okay," I agreed. He laid something soft on my belly. "What's that?"

"Friendship Bear."

"Friendship Bear, a stuffed turtle and a Pooh Bear. I'm an official wimp."

"Nah. You're just a kid. A kid over six-foot tall, but a kid none-the-less," he chuckled.

"Thanks."

He felt my forehead. "Good grief. What the heck is up with your high fever coming back?"

"I'm sure it went up because of the test."

"It hurt pretty bad?"

"You have no idea."

"You wanna' talk about it?"

"I'd like to try to forget it ever happened."

"That bad?"

"Yeah."

He stroked my cheek. "Hey, guess what?"

"What?" "AJ and I caught Kevin singing 'Return to Pooh Corner.'"

I smiled. "He gave himself away. I kept my mouth shut."

"It doesn't really go along with his 'hardass image' does it, Frack?"

"Not really."

He paused. "Oh, Nick, I wish there was something I could do for you," he cried.

I kept my eyes shut. "Don't cry, Brian. It's not your fault. Just like you told me, remember?"

"Yeah, but seeing you so-so sick like this- it's killing me."

I sighed. "Bad choice of words."

"Sorry, kiddo. You want me to shut up now?"

"Could you sing?"

"You bet. It'll sound like crap, but I'll try."

"Get real, Rok, you could have the flu and barely have a voice and still sing unlike anyone else."

"Okay, you just rest."

He took my hand once more. "So help me if you can......I've got to get back to the House of Pooh Corner by one...."

***************************

"It's okay, Nick, let it out," Brian soothed rubbing my back.Needless to say, 'lying still for an hour' did not prevent a severe headache. And with the pain came vomiting when I returned to my hospital room. "You done now?"

"Yeah," I coughed leaning against Brian's shoulder.

"Okay, buddy, just lye back down," he whispered lifting my body back against the cool sheets.

"I feel m-miserable," I stuttered as the nurse wiped the perspiration away from my face. Kevin fidgeted in his hospital bed.

"Can't I sit with him?"

The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mr.Richardson. It's quite apparent you don't have the same ailment, but you have managed to contact some sort of illness yourself. You have to rest."

"This is like the flu. People don't get hospitalized for the flu!" Kevin debated.

"Mr.Richardson, I'll see about having you released tomorrow morning, until then just relax." She retrieved the thremother. "104 exactly."

"Damn, bro," Brian breathed resting his palm on my brow.

The nurse sighed hurrying to the door. "I'm getting Dr.Turtle."

"Brian, I feel so sick!" I groaned panting.

He looked as if he were going to break down. "I know, I know......I just don't know what to do!"

"Why don't you try to get some sleep night?" Kevin suggested. Brian wiped my forehead.

"That's a good idea." My best friend looked like he needed sleep as well. My set back had done quite a number on him. I shut my eyes.

"Okay." Frick ran his hands through my hair. "Just think of something else. Remember something else."

'Open up your heart to me...And say what's on your mind.....' I sang softly as my boat guided smoothly along the gentle waves of the Atelantic Ocean.

"Pretty peaceful, huh?" I said to the small pug that licked my heel anxiously.

"Woof!"

I chuckled. "I couldn't have put it better myself. It's so peaceful here. No screaming, no worries, no pain." I stared at the beauty that surrounded me. It was moments like this when I was alone that I truly cherished the beauty of nature and my life at home. All the things I took for granted while I was busy living my life as Nick Carter: the Backstreet Boy.......

I had almost fallen asleep as I felt Brian pull his hand away from mine. I could hear someone running in the hall toward my room. "What the heck?" he whispered.

"NICK?! NICK?!" a voice echoed.

I opened my eyes to the familiar deep sound. "Dad?" I whispered my voice barely leaving my lips. I started to sit up. "Dad?!"

The tall blonde man appeared in doorway. "Oh God, Nick!" He ran to the bed wrapping his muscular arms around me.  "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!"

I sobbed into his shirt. "Don't leave me, Daddy! Don't leave me! I'm scared!"

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