Chapter Fifteen: Nuts to Chicken Salad
“Ladyfingers?” Howie looked at me as if I had three heads. No, only two. And only one visible to the general public.
“Yea. Ladyfingers.” Nice fancy cookies. I hadn’t packed them, Michael had. I didn’t even know what they were called, but I noticed Howie did. This led my mind to all sorts of places I didn’t want to go, so I decided to skip this “I wonder what this says about Howie” installment.
Back to the picnic basket. Michael had been a busy bee on his shopping trip. There was champagne, glasses (He thought of everything), napkins (cloth ones!), finger sandwiches, grapes, the before mentioned ladyfingers, chocolate (the kind with raspberry filling), melon balls [ AJ’s eyes bugged out], an assortment of cheeses and fruits, real silverware, plates, you name it! Oh, and caviar. Yep, the expensive kind. With crackers and a wooden spoon (metal must NEVER touch caviar).
“This is wonderful!” Maggie was impressed. “What’s in this chicken salad?”
“Oh, fresh chicken, I never use frozen (Howie was whimpering by this time, but no one heard him but me. The others were enraptured with Michael. Howie was leaning on my shoulder. That reminds me, he knew what ladyfingers were. Get the hell off Howie.), just a smidgen of salad dressing, Dijon mustard, honey, walnuts, fresh parsley and dried cranberries.”
“Gay salad.” I don’t think AJ meant to speak aloud. I hope not.
“What?”
“I said day clouded. It’s cloudy today.” There were three clouds in the sky, each of which was smaller than my butt.
“The salad is good,” Amanda was all about saving the day. “Where did you get the recipe?”
“I made it up, I like to experiment.” That must have touched a nerve as four head simultaneously turned to look at me.
“I was looking forward to meeting Mandy.” Either Maggie was drunk or that was the most insane block I had ever heard.
“Really? Even after AJ and Howie described her?” It seems that I was a little drunk. “And knowing that Kevin hates her?”
“Nick!” Michael found his chance; however I don’t think he had this hand-on-knee moment planned. “You want to take a walk?”
“We’re in the middle of the ocean.” Boy had been land-locked too long.
“Around the deck. I’ve never been on a yacht.” This was Michael’s idea of a save, and it was a damn site better than Maggie’s.
“In a minute. I’d like to finish my ladyfingers.” One must never let ladyfingers go to waste. I’m sure Cladius would agree with me.
“Is there anything else in the hamper?” Maggie could really pack it away. It seems that she might have been a bit on the tipsy side. She lifted the basket, turned it upside down, and shook. This alone would have been funny. What happened next, well, that depends on your point of view. AJ, Amanda, Howie and Maggie were not expecting the condom to bounce out of the bottom. I sure as hell wasn’t.
“Oh, sorry! I really sorry! I .... that must have gotten mixed up...” I didn’t wait to hear Michael’s explanation. I’m certain it was a good one, but I really had to go. Throwing up on the nice clean yacht would have been in bad taste.
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