Chapter Seventeen: Screw up or Vomit, You Choose
AJ took me to the main bedroom, which I thought was ironic. I had the common sense not to mention this. That and I was looking for an escape route. I figured AJ was faster, but if I hit him with a full-body block I had at least an eight second start. That’s how long it takes for him to get his air back, turn red in the face and yell NICK at the top of his voice. He really should stop that. He’s going to go permanently hoarse.
“Nick, I think we need to talk.”
“About what?” Either I was asking for it or stupid. With AJ both will get you killed.
“Don’t pull that innocent shit on me. What’s going on with you and Mike?”
“Going on?” Stall for time, Nick. OK. I hadn’t thought out how I would feel if the guys suspected I was gay, and I sure as hell hadn’t thought out what I was going to say.
“Do you expect me to believe that Mandy was such a sorry assed girlfriend that you’ve given up on women? Do you think I’m stupid?”
“No.” I was counting on it, and it’s rather rude of you to see right through me.
“Do you really expect me to believe that Mandy was such a bad fuck that you’ve gone gay?”
“That’s un-called for.” Now I was making fists. This was turning out to be such a tense day.
“Is it? What the fuck is up with you Nick? You’re about as gay as that dolphin out there.”
“That dolphin? The one humping the other male dolphin?” I thought it was a nice comeback. AJ didn’t. He hit me. HE HIT ME. On the arm, right above the elbow.
“OUCH.”
“Shut up ya baby.”
“You hit me!”
“On the arm you wussy! You hit me in the head once, remember?”
“I was only 15! I didn’t have any testosterone yet!”
“Oh? Is that why you were doing the happy hand-dance with my girlfriend?”
“I KNEW you were mad about that!” It only took him five years to get to it.
“Nick,” AJ looked as if he had deflated. Considering that he’s such a thin guy this was impressive if not damned near impossible. “I’m not mad. Forget I said that, it was a cheap shot. What I want to know is what the hell you’re up to.”
“Six foot one inch.”
“Nick...”
“Aje... I’m just ...”
“If you say experimenting I’m gonna knock the shit out of you.” I knew he meant it. He had done it once. Really!! The fact that I had a mild case of food poisoning and therefore diarrhea at the time is a moot point. “Does this have anything to do with what Kevin pulled at the wedding?”
“Smart man.” I had to give credit where credit is due. I also had to tell AJ the entire story.
“YOU WHAT?” Oh dear. Something tells me AJ doesn’t like my plan.
“Well, he deserves it! He ...”
“Fine, fine. Yea, maybe he deserves to be taught a lesson for how he treated you at the wedding, but Nick man, listen. Kevin has done a lot for you ...”
“I KNOW that.”
“He has solved lots of your problems.”
“AJ I KNOW! Really I’m grateful, but damn it I’m old enough to make my own decisions, even if Kevin doesn’t agree with them.”
“Nick, he just cares. He can’t stand to see you make decisions that wind up hurting you.”
“Like he’s never made one that hurt him?”
“Yea, he has.” AJ sighed and flung himself off the bed. “Nick I don’t know what to tell you. I know you want us, and by us I mean Kevin, to stop interfering, but he loves you man ... Nick, what’s wrong? Is it your stomach?”
No, my heart. I wish AJ hadn’t said that. I know the guys love me, but knowing and verbalizing are two different things. Know I felt like a total jerk.
“Nick? You need me to get Mike ... for your stomach and nothing else?” I had to laugh at that. For all his certainty he still had doubts. Nick logic!
“No, I’m doing good for now. AJ I just wanted to show Kevin that I could .... hell I don’t even remember. I just wanted to shake him up. I’m tired of him treating me as if I don’t have a brain cell in my head. Maybe I am a screw up but ...”
“Don’t.” I could tell AJ was really, really mad. His voice dropped so I could barely hear it. “Don’t talk about yourself the way your mom talks about you. Just don’t.”
I sat, stunned, for several minutes. I knew AJ was aware of the situation between me and my mom but he had never commented on it before. I remembered once, when the guys were really angry with me over some stupid stunt I’d pulled with the bus, I had gravitated to AJ’s mom. She was a great mom, in all the ways mine wasn’t. But AJ had told me to back off, I had my own mom and this was his. After that he would never listen when I had a complaint about mom, he just told me not to be such a baby.
“Why not? Everyone thinks it!”
“They do not.”
“They hell they don’t!” I was fisting again. “Kevin does, he thinks all my decisions are bad. Brian no longer gives a shit. Even the fans think I’m a screw up!”
“Nick! Man calm down.”
“Why? Why should I be calm? Do you have any idea how many times I have gone on the net and seen that crap? ‘Nick should dump his girlfriend. Nick’s girlfriend is ruining his family life. Nick has chosen his girlfriend over his family. Nick has ...” Nick has got to vomit.
There I go again, screwing up. If I had just taken AJ’s advice I wouldn’t have my face in a place faces aren’t meant to be, with poor AJ holding my head. Again.
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