Chapter Twenty: Murder-Suicide for Two
Three days later I was drugged up again but this time I had a better reason. I’d had surgery the day before. The events leading up to this one were not nearly as interesting as my pervious incarceration. No running around in my back-less gown, no radio-active eggs. Howie thought it was because I had experience with hospitals. I thought it was because Kevin was not present. AJ knew it was because he didn’t let me out of his sight for a minute.
The procedure went off without a hitch, as my doctor explained to me. I informed him that made me very happy as I had no intention of going through life with a hitch - people might try to attach trailers to my butt. By the way I told him it was rude to bring the size of my butt into the conversation. Howie informed him that drugs made me loopy. AJ told him I was always loopy. Michael had no opinion.
AJ, Michael and Howie had been my constant companions. I had asked them not to tell Kevin, the guy was on his honeymoon for heaven’s sake! I thought I was being very understanding. AJ thought I was being a chicken.
I had no idea where Brian was, and I didn’t ask. I had, during that half-awake-half-asleep time right before surgery overheard AJ informing Michael that Leigh Anne was having some type of wedding crisis. Perhaps she was having difficulty finding a dress that would fit over her ego. Damn dress was going to need a huge skirt. Anyway, I assumed that Brian was assisting her with her dilemma, it being so much more important than my health.
“Mr. Carter!” Dr. Evant was a happy dude. “How do you feel about going home?”
“I don’t feel anything.” I wasn’t trying to be difficult. I really couldn’t feel anything. AJ had been pinching my thighs for half-an-hour just because he could.
“I see the medication is working.” It damn well better be. If not I would like to sue you for severing my spinal cord. “Since Mr. Richardson and Mr. McClean have agreed to take responsibility for you ...” AJ and Michael simultaneously broke into bright, shiny grins. I hope they get permanent halitosis. “ ... you can check out now. I’ll send the nurse in with the paper work in about ten minutes. I’ll be back as well with some instructions.”
“Make sure they are in English. The instructions to my VCR were in French and I still can’t get the date or time set.” I was just trying to be helpful. I didn’t mean to give Dr. Evant the impression that I should visit the psyche ward before leaving.
An hour and a half later I was home, bundled up in by bed with the remote (there goes my daily exercise), my Gameboy (Nick board is never a good thing. Nick board on drugs is a nuclear explosion waiting to happen.) and Howie by my side. He had pulled first watch.
It seems that the guys didn’t trust
me. How rude! I have no idea how they came to that conclusion,
but I was under twenty-four hour arrest - in my own bed! I had to
ask
“You guys aren’t going to tell him about his, are you?” If so I have plans to make. Like getting my hands on a sledge hammer to widen that bathroom window.
“No.” Thank God. “You are.”
“You sound like AJ.” People that are drugged are allowed to fling insults, even at the nice guy.
“Don’t get your panties in a wad. Besides, with the stuff with Michael this will be minor.”
“Do you think he will be mad about Michael?” Of course not, Nick! Kevin is the most loving, calm, reserved person in the universe. And I like green eggs and ham.
“Upset, but not mad. It’ll be cool. Kevin really is open minded. I just think he’ll mind the age difference.”
“Excuse me?” These drugs must be stronger than I thought.
“The age thing. Michael is a few years older than you. And I think he will feel guilty, you know, that he sort of pushed you into this.”
“Pushed me into proving a point?”
“Proving a point? You’re dating Michael just to prove a point?” Uh-oh.
“Howie, did AJ talk to you?”
“About what? Nick, really, whatever you do is your business. I don’t care, you’re my bro no matter what. I must admit I never thought you would ...” Suddenly Howie seemed to be at a loss for words.
“I would what?” Oh God. Please don’t tell me.
“It’s none of my business, Nick. But .... well I do want to say I’m glad you are using protection.”
“Protection?” Like a bodyguard?
“The condom, Nick! Safe sex!” NOOOOOOOO. Oh, oh. If I had any acid it would be churning.
“Howie, were not .... I haven’t ...”
“You haven’t? Well, it’s not my business ...” As you keep saying. “...but I’m glad to hear that. I thought it was really fast. And Kevin will be glad to hear it as well. He was really concerned when I talked to him ...”
“WHEN? When did you talk to him?” CPR!!! I need CPR!!!
“The day we were on the boat, when you were taking your nap. Nick, are you all right?” Sure. It takes 10 minutes before the brain dies from lack of oxygen. I have nine to go. “NICK! AJ!” I guess in all the excitement Howie had mixed up our names. “AJ come here!” Don’t say come. I have a feeling that it’s not nice.
“What the hell is Nick up to? He’d better be in that bed.” He is. He’s never getting out. Not until the coroner comes.
“I was telling Nick about my conversation with Kevin ...” And things got really interesting. We had a fight. I’m a little hazy, I was on drugs, but I think it turned out to be a “who’s fault is this” fight. AJ was blamed for not clueing Howie in on updated information. Howie was blamed for being a big mouth. But in the end it was decided that I was to blame for starting the entire ball of wax. So, shoot me. No really, shoot me. Kevin will be home tomorrow and I would much rather not be.
I threw a few verbal barbs about the guys butting in, but AJ pointed out that Howie had done what I wanted. He had brought Kevin into the mix. Well, yes. That was the original plan, but that had been scraped. Like it or not the plan had worked. Kevin was on his way back, under the impression that his cousin was boinking me. This just might be our most interesting reunion ever.
“What the hell are the yelling about? Nick is supposed to be taking it easy.” Poor Michael. I wondered if we should warn him. I wondered if we should hide him. I wondered if he would be interested in a murder-suicide pact.
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