Chapter 24
(Brian's point-of-view)
"AH!" I shouted jolting myself awake from the nightmare.
Leighanne burst into the living room flipping on the lamps. "Brian, are you okay?" she asked sitting on the couch at my side.
I panted without end. "I...I just had a bad dream."
"I bet." She observed me nervously. "You wanna' tell me about it?"
"Nah, I'm-I'm okay."
She glanced at my shivering form covered in perspiration. "Not from what I can see. I'll get you some water and a cool rag. Just calm down."
I fought tears watching her small figure exit the room. The nightmare had been so real...I was laying on the operating table my chest opened, doctors working away at my heart.....Then, the heart moniter held a steady noise. No rhythm present. My heart beat had faded away. I was dead.
She returned items in hand a new shirt hanging over her fore arm. She set down once again giving me a slight grin. "Take deep breaths, sweetheart." She handed me a glass water.
I sipped it as she unbuttoned my top. "Well, Leigh, I had no idea you wanted to strip me."
She rolled her eyes. "Ha, ha, Brian. I'm just getting you out of this-it's soaked." She gently wiped my skin with the cool rag. "Do you think you're sick?"
I nodded. "No, I don't think so."
She paused. "Are you sure? You're ghostly and you were acting weird all night."
"I'm okay," I assured her as she rested her hand against my forehead.
She shrugged. "No fever." She continued to cleanse my skin. "Any idea what brought this on?"
Many ideas, considering it had been the only thing on my mind the past few days. I pulled away suddenly as she touched my scar with the cloth.
"Does your chest hurt?" she asked immediately reaching for the phone. "Should I dial 911?"
"No, no," I whispered. I lifted my hand to my chest. "Just please....don't look."
"Brian, why would your scar bother me?"
It didn't bother her.... it bothered me. "Um...I...I" I froze unable to speak.
LeighAnne wiped my face. "Brian, I want to know what's going on."
"You wouldn't understand."
"I might not. However, I can gurantee I won't if you don't tell me the problem."
"I died."
She dropped the rag into my lap. "What?"
"In the dream....I died."
"During the surgery. The heart sounds stopped...."
"How long has this been going on?"
"I've been thinking about it the past few days."
She gazed at me with concern lingering in her eyes. "Why?"
"Howie's sister dying...It made me think. What if I had died?"
"Don't think about 'what if'."
"I have to, Leigh. What about my mom? My dad? What about you? Would you have just moved on.."
"NO!" she practically shouted startling me. Tears rimmed her eyes. "No, I would not have moved on! I know I may not have known you as long as others in your life; but that doesn't make my love as less than theirs'. All we did was pray that day. Pray and hope. We were scared, too. Everyone was." Tears fell from her baby blues. "Kevin called before their show in hysterics worried about you..and Nick, the poor kid's nerves were shot. Why on earth management wouldn't let them be there-I don't know. But I just might understand. I love you."
I look at her speechlessly. I cleared my throat. "I didn't mean to make you cry. Honest."
She wiped her eyes. "I know, but I do care, Bri."
"I know. I guess, seeing the Dorough family so distraught made me think. And Nicky got really sick from it, and I had to take care of him. He needs me. No one else really gets him, you know?" I paused feeling guilty. I turned to her. "And I left him..."
LeighAnne raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"He was having a nightmare and I walked out. It was like I couldn't take it...I expected someone else to baby him."
"There's nothing wrong with needing time for yourself."
"I know....but I ditched him."
"Just relax. I'm sure it wasn't that big of a deal."
"How would I have known? I didn't stay to find out."
She stroked my brow. "Nick understands." She paused. "I understand that reason.....But why does your scar have you so upset?"
"It's a permanent reminder....No matter what I do I can't forget the torment the surgery caused. The scar is there showing it against my skin. I swear, sometimes it even hurts."
"Maybe it's a reminder of a second chance. Maybe you shouldn't be afraid of it."
"A second chance?"
"God gave you a heart that functioned perfectly without a problem emotionally. You have such a good heart. Always helping others and caring. But physically it just wasn't right. And sometimes, the giving and the caring could worsened the physically no matter how important they may be. But, the doctors stepped in fixing the physical. Delaying your journey to Heaven, giving you more time here. He had a reason Caroline went and you stayed."
I sighed. "But your husband, her children.."
"Are still under her protection. She's their guardian angel, Brian. She just looks at them from a different light now. And they can still see her in their hearts and dreams, right?"
"Right." I took a deep breath.
"You gonna' be okay?"
I breathed. "Yeah."
She helped me slide into the new top buttoning it from bottom to top. I pressed my hand against hers' placing it over my scar. "What do you feel?" I whispered as I felt the difference of flesh and warmth on my skin.
She smiled. "A perfect heart surrounded by a perfect covering."
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